Uncle John’s bathroom reader zipper accidents: and other cringe-worthy events PDF
Preview Uncle John’s bathroom reader zipper accidents: and other cringe-worthy events
“I don’t believe in accidents. There are only encounters in history. There are no accidents.” —Pablo Picasso “We are glade to pre-approve you for a Educaiton Degree!” —a spam text message received by Uncle John while working on this book UNCLE JOHN’S BATHROOM READER® ZIPPER ACCIDENTS Copyright © 2013 by the Bathroom Readers’ Press (a division of Portable Press). All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. “Bathroom Reader,” “Portable Press,” and “Bathroom Readers’ Institute” are registered trademarks of Baker & Taylor. All rights reserved. For information, write: The Bathroom Readers’ Institute, P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520 www.bathroomreader.com Cover and interior design by Andy Taray / Ohioboy.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Uncle John’s bathroom reader zipper accidents. pages cm ISBN 978-1-60710-791-0 (pbk.) 1. American wit and humor. 2. Curiosities and wonders. I. Bathroom Readers’ Institute (Ashland, Or.) II. Title: Zipper accidents. PN6165.U5296 2013 081—dc23 2012045784 First Printing: April 2013 1 2 3 4 5 17 16 15 14 13 THANK YOU! The Bathroom Readers’ Institute sincerely thanks the people whose advice and assistance made this book possible. Gordon Javna Brian Boone Andy Taray Christy Taray Trina Janssen Claudia Bauer Jay Newman Thom Little Dan Mansfield Brandon Hartley Megan Todd Eleanor Pierce Michael Conover Jill Bellrose Kim Griswell David Hoye Jennifer Frederick Sydney Stanley Lilian Nordland Melinda Allman JoAnn Padgett Aaron Guzman Gideon Sundback CONTENTS LOTTO-NO UN-LIMB-ITED IF THE U.S. WINS, YOU WIN & McDONALD’S LOSES DETHY’S DEATHTRAP GREIVOUS BODILY HARM A MINOR DETAIL, REALLY BUSINESS BLUNDERS SODA JERKS CIVIC ERRORS THE INFLATABLE TRUCKER THREE ELECTION GAFFES CELEBRITY MARRIAGE WEIRDNESS ONE FALSE STROKE THE ROGUE TRADER ZERO TOLERANCE IT’S THE COMPUTER’S FAULT CRUSH CRASH UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES PIANO, MAN PARLOR TRICKS GONE WRONG THE $320,000 GOLF CLUB TERRIBLE-BODY-ART-DECISION.COM MOVIE MISTAKES THAT WORKED OUT BAD TRACTOR COWBOY UP! MISSING THE (DECIMAL) POINT WEIRD WAYS TO DIE THE DEAN OF ERRORS POORLY NAMED PRODUCTS JIMMY KIMMEL, FAR TOO LIVE THE HARTFORD COLISEUM COLLAPSE TO B-2, OR NOT TO B-2 EXCERPTS FROM ACTUAL INSURANCE CLAIMS POLITICAL GAFFES GOOD ART, BAD BUSINESS A CONVERSATION WITH “KEVIN SPACEY” LET’S PLAY HANGED-MAN! HOT MICS WHY THE JUICE ISN’T LOOSE WHEN BOUNCY HOUSES GO BAD REAL 911 CALLS BLOCKBUSTED SORRY ABOUT THE RACISM HERE, I’LL SHOW YOU IT’S CRIMINAL BAD .COM NAMES WHEN BEER ATTACKS BAD LIBATIONS STUMPED A SHORT INTERVIEW BASEBALL ERRORS PLEASE HANG UP AND TRY AGAIN STAGED DEATHS PRESIDENT LANDON SILENCED MARINER THREE SPORTS GAFFES MARRIAGE ACCIDENTS DUH.COM ON THE JOB THE JOHNSTOWN FLOOD PROFESSOR RALPH BAD TRIP PERHAPS I MISSPOKE WHO’S THAT GUY? FAULTY RESEARCH
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