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Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet Terry Ulick Alyssa Wodtke ©2005 by Thomson Course Technology PTR. All rights reserved. No Publisher and General Manager, part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by Thomson Course Technology PTR: any means,electronic or mechanical,including photocopying, Stacy L. Hiquet recording,or by any information storage or retrieval system without Associate Director of Marketing: written permission from Thomson Course Technology PTR,except for Sarah O’Donnell the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. Manager of Editorial Services: The Thomson Course Technology PTR logo and related trade dress are Heather Talbot trademarks of Thomson Course Technology and may not be used Marketing Manager: without written permission. Heather Hurley All trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Associate Acquisitions Editor: Important:Thomson Course Technology PTR cannot provide Megan Belanger software support. Please contact the appropriate software Senior Editor: manufacturer’s technical support line or Web site for assistance. Mark Garvey Thomson Course Technology PTR and the authors have attempted Marketing Coordinator: throughout this book to distinguish proprietary trademarks from Jordan Casey descriptive terms by following the capitalization style used by the manufacturer. Project Editor: Jenny Davidson Information contained in this book has been obtained by Thomson Course Technology PTR from sources believed to be reliable. Technical Reviewer: However,because of the possibility of human or mechanical error by Michael D. Sullivan our sources,Thomson Course Technology PTR,or others,the Thomson Course Technology PTR Publisher does not guarantee the accuracy,adequacy,or completeness Editorial Services Coordinator: of any information and is not responsible for any errors or omissions Elizabeth Furbish or the results obtained from use of such information. Readers should Copyeditor: be particularly aware of the fact that the Internet is an ever-changing Kim Benbow entity. Some facts may have changed since this book went to press. Interior Layout Tech: Educational facilities,companies,and organizations interested in Bill Hartman multiple copies or licensing of this book should contact the publisher for quantity discount information. Training manuals,CD-ROMs,and Cover Designer: portions of this book are also available individually or can be tailored Deborah VanRooyen for specific needs. Indexer: ISBN:1-59200-916-6 Sharon Shock Library of Congress Catalog Card Number:2005924930 Proofreaders: Elizabeth Furbish Printed in Canada Kelly Talbot 05 06 07 08 09 WC 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Thomson Course Technology PTR, a division of Thomson Course Technology 25 Thomson Place ■ Boston, MA 02210 ■ http://www.courseptr.com To my love, Lisa, who I have loved throughout time (but met online this time around!) —Terry To my sister Christina, without whom I never would have done this book. And to both her and her husband, who met online, giving me reason to believe it really works —Alyssa Acknowledgments W e would like to thank everyone at Course Technology for their efforts to make this a truly useful and helpful book, with heartfelt thanks to Megan Belanger and Jenny Davidson for all the winks. And for the icebreaker, we thank David Fugate. For their stunning profile photos, Alyssa would like to thank Angela Serna who was as giving with her image as she is with her friendship, Kelly Shepard who hates having his picture taken, and John Paul Watts who bared his knees. About the Authors T erry Ulickis a how-to book author, but along the way he worked as an art director and photographer at Playboy, owned a magazine publishing company, created the first online photo service for AOL, and later went on to start Good Time Networks—a broadband TV network. He lives in Northern California and loves to play guitar and take photographs of just about anything. He was an online dater until he met the love of his life on a popular dating site and they have since hung-up their online shingles for good. Alyssa Wodtkeis a writer, an editor, and an online dater. This is her second book about online dating. She does freelance writing about dating and fashion and has a successful personal Web site. She lives in San Francisco where she wanders the beach, goes to independent films and documentaries, and explores taquerias searching for the perfect margarita. She continues to online date, enjoying the process as much as looking for her geeky dream guy who loves Green Day and Ella Fitzgerald. Contents Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .xv Part I How Online Dating Services Really Work 1 First You Find the Site, Then You Find the Love . . . . . . . . . . . . .3 The Name Brands of Online Dating. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Affinity Dating Sites. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Lifestyle Sites to Match Your Lifestyle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Very Special Friends Await . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 Old School Personals. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Things to Expect on All Dating Sites. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 Site Specific. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 2 Searching for Love, or Knowing What You’re Looking For . . .17 Using Online Dating Search Engines. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 Refining Your Search. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Saving Profiles You Like . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Thinking about How Your Profile Will Be Searched. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Working the Hot List . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 Finding People Who Are New to the Service . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 Going for Recently Active Profiles. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 3 Baby, Now That I’ve Found You—Sending Winks, Icebreakers, and E-mails . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29 Using Winks and Icebreakers. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29 E-mail Communications: Say It Loud—I Subscribe and I’m Proud. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32 Subscribing Allows You to E-mail Members. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 Deciding on the Subscription Package. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 Taking Advantage of Free Trial Offers. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35 Contents vii Mastering the E-mail Process. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37 Sneaking In E-mail Addresses and URLs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37 Setting Up Free E-mail Accounts. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 Creating a Web Site to Send People To . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 4 Subscribing and Taking Advantage of Free Trial Subscription Offers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .43 Understanding the Free Trial Period . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44 Using the Service after You Cancel the Trial Offer. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 Circumventing the System. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 Subscribing and Canceling. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 Part II Presenting Yourself Online 5 Putting Your Best Face Forward . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .53 …It’s All about How You Look. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54 The Picture Is the Thing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54 The One-Second Evaluation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55 Judge Yourself the Way You Judge Others. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55 Photos That Work Best. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56 A Headshot Is a Must-Have. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 Body Shots Make a Good Second Picture . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58 Image Editing Can Help Your Pictures. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60 Photos to Avoid . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61 Pictures of You and Your Ex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61 Pictures of You and Your Kids. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61 Group Pictures. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62 Pictures out of Magazines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62 Pictures That Aren’t of You. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62 Old Pictures of Yourself. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63 viii Contents 6 Taking Pictures of Yourself for Your Online Profile . . . . . . . . .65 Starting with a Digital Camera. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 Controlling the Built-In Flash . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66 Finding the Tripod Socket. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 Using a Self-Timer. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 Previewing Pictures on the LCD Display. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68 Making Adjustments to Exposure and Other Settings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69 Getting Ready to Take Your Picture. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70 Lighting the Shot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70 Deciding What to Wear in Your Picture. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73 Working with (All of) Your Hair . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75 Doing Your Make-Up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75 Being Honest with Yourself. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76 Taking Good Pictures of Yourself. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77 Taking Your Headshot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77 Taking Your Body Shot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79 Working with a Film Camera. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83 7 Using (Not Abusing) Photo Editing Software . . . . . . . . . . . . . .85 Cropping and File Format Changes with Windows Paint . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86 Making Masterpieces with Picasa2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88 Going All the Way with Photoshop. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97 8 Truth in Advertising: Reviewing Your Message . . . . . . . . . . . . .99 Turning Up Your Amp to Eleven. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100 Being Clever Is Smart. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100 Being Stupid Is, Well, Stupid!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101 Using a Current Photo Is Essential. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104 Using a Photo from a Magazine or Copyrighted Source. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105 Changing Your Looks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105 Contents ix Looking Like You Do Everyday . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106 Revealing Details . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108 9 Writing Profiles and E-mails—Watch What You Say . . . . . . . . .111 Say What You Want, Just Spell It Right. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111 Online Writing Rules. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 114 Security in Your Profile. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117 Bad Profile/Good Profile . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 118 How and When to Write That First E-mail . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120 Cold E-mailing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120 How and When to Respond if You’re E-mailed. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121 E-mail Etiquette . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122 How to Say No. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123 Cold E-mail . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123 Mutual Winks, Mutual E-mails . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123 Everything Seems So Perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 124 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125 Part III Learning about Others You Meet Online 10 Edited Photos: Spotting the Phonies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .129 Understanding Image Editing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 129 Making Old Photos Look New. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 130 Spotting Retouching. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132 Removing Wrinkles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133 Making Teeth Whiter. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133 Changing Hairlines and Styles. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134 Trimming, Slimming, and Shaping Bodies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135 Removing Someone from the Picture. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136 Reserving Judgment on Editing Photos . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 137 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138

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