The World According to Humphrey

102 Pages·2008·0.49 MB·English

by  Birney Betty G

001
Table of Contents

Title Page
Dedication
Copyright Page

Chapter 1 - The Return of Mrs. Brisbane
Chapter 2 - Night Life
Chapter 3 - The Two Faces of Mrs. Brisbane
Chapter 4 - The Most Important Man in the World
Chapter 5 - Plans Are Hatched
Chapter 6 - Moonlight Madness
Chapter 7 - Sayeh Speaks Up
Chapter 8 - Tricks and Treats
Chapter 9 - The Art of Self-Defense
Chapter 10 - Garth Versus A.J.
Chapter 11 - TV or Not TV
Chapter 12 - Peace Breaks Out
Chapter 13 - Thanks but No Thanks
Chapter 14 - Hide-and-Go-Squeak
Chapter 15 - Happy Hamsterday

Humphrey’s Guide to the Care and Feeding of Humans

To my husband,
Frank
who has been to Brazil, knows all
the state capitals and can
balance a broom on one finger.
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Registered Offices: Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
First published in the United States of America by G. P. Putnam’s Sons,
a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 2004
Published by Puffin Books, a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 2005
Copyright © Betty G. Birney, 2004
All rights reserved
THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS HAS CATALOGED THE G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS EDITION AS
FOLLOWS:
Birney, Betty G. The world according to Humphrey / Betty G. Birney.
p. cm.
Summary: Humphrey, pet hamster at Longfellow School, learns that
he has an important role to play in helping his classmates and teacher.
[1. Hamsters—Fiction. 2. Schools—Fiction.]
I. Title. PZ7.B5229Wo 2004 [Fic]—dc21 2003005974
eISBN : 978-1-101-10010-3
http://us.penguingroup.com
1
The Return of Mrs. Brisbane
Today was the worst day of my life. Ms. Mac left Room 26 of Longfellow
School. For good. And that’s bad.
Worse yet, Mrs. Brisbane came back. Until today, I didn’t even know there
was a Mrs. Brisbane. Lucky me.
Now I want to know: What was Ms. Mac thinking? She must have known that
soon she’d be leaving without me. And that Mrs. Brisbane would come back to
Room 26 and I’d be stuck with her.
I still like—okay, love—Ms. Mac more than any human or hamster on earth,
but what was she thinking?
“You can learn a lot about yourself by taking care of another species,” she told
me on the way home the day she got me. “You’ll teach those kids a thing or
two.”
That’s what she was thinking. I don’t think she was thinking very clearly.
I’m never going to squeak to her again. Of course, I’ll probably never see her
again because she’s GONE-GONE-GONE—but if she comes back, I’m not even
going to look at her.
(I know that last sentence doesn’t make sense. It’s hard to make sense when
your heart is broken.) On the other hand, until Ms. Mac arrived, I was going
nowhere down at Pet-O-Rama. My days were spent sitting around, looking at a
bunch of furry things in cages just like mine. We were treated all right: regular
meals, clean cages, music piped in all day.
Over the music, Carl, the store clerk, would answer the phone: “Open nine to
nine, seven days a week. Corner of Fifth and Alder, next to the Dairy Maid.”
Back then, I feared I’d never see Fifth and Alder, much less the Dairy Maid.
Sometimes I’d see human eyes and noses (not always as clean as they should be)