The Uninvited Guest: Emerging from Nacissism Towards Marriage PDF
Preview The Uninvited Guest: Emerging from Nacissism Towards Marriage
Tavistock Marital Studies Institute T HE UNINVITED GUEST I Emerging from Narcissism towards Marriage JAMES V. FISHER THE UNINVITED GUEST THE UNINVITED GUEST Emerging from Narcissism towards Marriage James V. Fisher Foreword by Alberto Hahn London KARNAC BOOKS First published in 1999 by H. Karnac (Books) Ltd, 118 Finchley Road, London NW3 5HT © 1999 James V. Fisher and the Tavistock Institute of Medical Psychology The rights of James V. Fisher to be identified as the author of this work have been asserted in accordance with §§ 77 and 78 of the Copyright Design and Patents Act 1988. Extracts from Complete Poems and Plays of T.S. Eliot reproduced by permission of Faber & Faber Ltd. Extracts from Marriage: Studies in Emotional Conflict and Growth, edited by Lily Pincus, reproduced by permission of the Tavistock Marital Studies Institute, London. Cover illustration, Baco, by Enrique Torrijos, reproduced by kind permission of Enate Vineyard, Sala Bajas, Spain. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A CLP for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 978 1 85575 196 5 10987654321 Edited, designed, and produced by Communication Crafts Printed in Great Britain by Polestar Wheatons Ltd, Exeter that gracious couple whom I have and have not lost Esther Chapman Fisher, my mother and in memory of George Clinton Fisher, my father O, alas! I lost a couple, that 'twixt heaven and earth Might thus have stood, begetting wonder, as You, gracious couple, do. Shakespeare, The Winter's Tale, V.i.130-133 JAMES FISHER takes his title from the mysterious psychiatric figure of T. S. Eliot's play, The Cocktail Party. He identifies himself with this theatrical representation of a "marital therapist" in order to conduct his own review of what he convincingly tells us is Eliot's internal account of his first marriage, to Vivienne Haigh-Wood. It forms the centre-piece of his book. He does it from the vantage point of a distinguished marital psychoanalytic psychotherapist who is as willing to delve into English literature as he is into the psychoanalytic literature. The reader of this book will get the benefit of his considerable knowledge and enthusiasm for both. He begins with Shakespeare's* The Winter's Tale and ends with Othello in an account of the vicissitudes of marriage to illuminate his central thesis, which is that in intimate relationships there is a struggle and oscillation: "narcissism marriage". In-between, in addition to the chapters on The Cocktail Party, he reviews published pioneering marital work in order to throw light on his current practice and his view of marital disturbance. Both in the literary and clinical contexts, these are troubled waters, and James Fisher is not one to dangle his toes in them—he plunges in and invites us to plunge in after him. He manages to expound his and various analytic writers' ideas on human relationships in a clear and scholarly way whilst keeping the reader in touch with the passion, suffering, and horror that is its raw material. Literature carefully analysed suits this purpose admirably. Whilst outlining his thesis of the eternal tension between narcissism and object love in marriage, he reminds us that the ultimate possessive act is murder, as celebrated in a poem by T. S. Eliot, The Love Song of St Sebastian. Ronald Britton Training and Supervising Analyst, British Psycho-Analytical Society THIS IS a fascinating, complex, and imaginative book. James Fisher brings together a deep thoughtfulness about the insights of psycho analysis and its application to work with troubled couples with an original and closely argued reading of some classic plays about marriage. Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale and Eliot's The Cocktail Party both concern the reunion of a husband and a lost wife. These marriages have been damaged, Fisher argues, as a consequence of narcissistic withdrawal from engagement with the "otherness" of the other. Marriage is hauntingly described as the "inheritor of the tension and the intimacy of the Oedipal drama", and it is this fact that makes the marital relationship such a potent place for therapeutic inter vention, as well as for exploration in the drama. The history of psycho analytic work with couples in the Tavistock Marital Studies Institute and its precursors sets the scene for this tour de force of clinical ,and theoretical thinking. The book will give pleasure and much food for thought to readers interested in psychoanalysis and literature. It should enrich both clinical practice and our experience of theatre. Margaret Rustin Consultant Child Psychotherapist, Dean of Postgraduate Studies, Tavistock & Portman Clinics * * * JAMES FISHER is a gifted and imaginative thinker and teacher. His writing is soundly rooted in a profound love of the clinical work and is a reflection of his honest and sometimes relentless search after the truth. His fascination for the darker dynamics of the couple relation ship—envy, jealousy, betrayal, and abandonment—and the corre sponding challenge to the "self" of the therapist is a thread through all his work. In contemporary society, with its changing pattern of marriage, the subject is of profound interest and importance. The psychic centrality of "marriage" is irrefutable; we are endlessly fascinated by it and its vicissitudes. This book is timely in reflecting the present preoccupa tion with the question of what it really means to move into marriage, to encounter the other and the self in the other. Fisher's use of "the play" and "the story" as vehicles for this ex ploration captures the imagination in a way that standard textbooks cannot do and makes reflection and reverie on the subject irresistible. This is a profound yet accessible book of interest to clinicians and non-clinicians alike. Marital therapists will find it a welcome addition to their libraries. Gillian Walton Director of Training and Clinical Services, London Marriage Guidance * * * very first paragraph, felt like an invited guest at a wonder FR OM THE I fully exciting dinner-party given by Fisher. He invites the reader to join literary figures—Shakespeare and Eliot—and psychoanalysts— Freud, Klein, Bion, and Meltzer, to name just a few—in thinking with him. The book is very creative in style, and I doubt that there is another volume like it. The use of The Winter's Tale, The Cocktail Party, and Othello as vehicles towards understanding narcissism, marriage, and the role of the couples therapist reminds me of Tom Stoppard's use of a story within a story to make the experience both intellectually and emotionally meaningful. Like marriage itself, Fisher brings readers to new places and at the same times reminds them of old, familiar scenes. The Uninvited Guest is wonderful to read at many levels. found I the book enjoyable and useful from the very first chapter on for work ing with individuals as well as couples. I particularly like the stretch ing of the mind to think about psychoanalytic theory, playwrights, literature, and couples, integrating them as a couple therapist has to integrate the couples' histories, their stories, and the here-and-now of what is' going on in a session. I look forward to using it in teaching couples therapists. Joyce Lowenstein Vice Chair, Psychoanalytic Object Relations Family & Couple Psychotherapy Training Program, Washington School of Psychiatry, Washington DC CONTENTS ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS , XI FOREWORD by Alberto Hahn xxi 1 The Winter's Tale: marriage and re-marriage 1 2 The false-self couple: seeking truth and being true 35 3 The gathering of the transference 57 4 Duet for one? Two people or a couple? 78 5 Separations and the capacity to mourn 105 6 That which couples bring to therapy 124 7 Couple stories and couple dreams 147 8 The uninvited guest 163 ix
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