The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy

161 Pages·2017·1.28 MB·English

by  Violet Blue

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Copyright © 2004, 2014 by Violet Blue®.
All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or online reviews, no
part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or
recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Published in the United States by Cleis Press, Inc.,
2246 Sixth Street, Berkeley, California 94710.
Printed in the United States.
Cover design: Scott Idleman/Blink
Cover photograph: Willie B. Thomas/Getty Images
Text design: Karen Quigg
First Edition.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Trade paper ISBn: 978-1-62778-041-4
E-book ISBN: 978-1-62778-058-2
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
Contents
Foreword by Carol Queen, Ph.D.
Introduction: The Mirror of Desire
CHAPTER 1: Choose Your Own Adventure
Fantasy and Fetish
Popular Fantasy Themes
When Fantasies Make You Feel Bad
Fantasy Research
The Perfect Match
CHAPTER 2: Fantasies for One
Masturbation: Just Do It
Hot Masturbation Sessions: Fantasies, Sex Toys, and More
What Not to Stick in Your Butt
Change Habits and Learn New Tricks
A Tool for Men: The Squeeze Technique
A Tool for Women: Your Vibrator
The Golden Rules of Anal Masturbation
Three in One
CHAPTER 3: Fantasies for Two
Building a Fantasy Scenario
In Your Head, or in Reality?
How to Ask for a Spanking
Get a Little Closer
Getting to Know Your Lover’s Fantasies
Sexy Surprises
The Sex Buffet
Talking to Your Partner
When Your Lover Is Reluctant
Ready to Play?
Not Tonight
CHAPTER 4: Role Play
Erotic Adult Theatre for Two
Waiting in the Wings
Erotic Acting
Plan It, Janet
Classic Roles
Where to Shop?
Gender Play
Age Play
CHAPTER 5: Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes
Three, Four, and More
Jealousy
Adding Someone New
First Impressions
Get Together, and Get Off
Sex Positions
Hooking Up: Cruising and Advertising
California Dreaming
CHAPTER 6: Weaving a Spell: Striptease, Hot Talk, and Erotic Massage
Confidence
Preparations
How to Strip
Lap Dance 101
The Art of Dirty Talk
Giving an Erotic Massage
CHAPTER 7: Strip Clubs, Phone Sex, and Call Girls—for Two
Strip Clubs and Lap Dances
How Will They Treat Me at the Strip Club?
Peep Booths
Arcades Don’t Have Video Games
Phone Sex
Call Girls and Prostitutes
CHAPTER 8: Public Sex
What’s on the Menu
Where to Do It
Role-Playing in Public
Swinging
Alternative Sex Parties
The View from Paris
CHAPTER 9: Fetishes
A Fetishist Looks Just Like You
How to Have Sex with a Fetishist
Classic Fetishes
Networking with Other Fetishists and Their Partners
Other People’s Panties
CHAPTER 10: Erotic Dominance and Submission: S/M Fantasies
Sweet Submission
A Sampling of Submissive Roles
When Being in Charge Turns You On
A Sampling of Dominant Roles
Captivity and Erotic Torment
Always Have a Safe Word
Teasing Your Captive
Pleasurable Pain and Punishment
Public S/M Clubs
Organizations and Private Clubs
Seeing a Professional Dominatrix
CHAPTER 11: Sex Games
Ten Erotic Escapades
Messy Fun
Aphrodisiac Seductions
So, You Want to Be in Pictures?
Cybersex
Show-and-Tell
CHAPTER 12: Safer Sex
The Gear
Safer Sex Chart
CHAPTER 13: Resources
Resources for Sex Toys, Books, and Videos: U.S., Canada, International
CHAPTER 14: References
About the Author
Foreword
San Francisco sex education is a horse of a different color, and in the hands of as skilled
a synthesizer of information as Violet Blue, people from every city and town can have a
San Fran-frisky sex life, or just the friskiest one on your block. Just deliver yourself into
Violet’s hands as she introduces you to your deepest desires, or at least shows you the
doorway through which to walk to find out what they might be.
Not everyone knows for sure what they like sexually and might want to do, which
may be one of the biggest challenges for people who want to figure out what’s on the
menu with a new partner, or one with whom you’d like to open up to new erotic
possibilities. How do you even negotiate your boundaries and desires if you’re not sure
what they are? How do you care for a partner who really can’t yet be clear enough about
their hot spots and no-go zones?
Almost all of us got a terrible sex education. There are exceptions, of course—
Unitarians and Scandinavians, students of really brave sex ed teachers, and even a few
excellent moms and dads—but in fact, for most adults, it falls to us at age eighteen to
make something of the pleasure-based possibilities of our present and future sex lives.
Regardless of your orientation and gender, there’s a lot to learn, and endless possibilities
to consider. (I’ve been teaching a class lately called “7 Billion Sexual Orientations”—
that’s a lot of possibilities.) Besides the obvious problems with this scenario—young
people who launch into their sex lives unclear on the mechanics of it all—there’s the
added problem that you’ll likely hit rough waters in your relationships if you can’t talk
about sex comfortably and engage in it pleasurably.
So, we’re lucky to have Violet and the knowledge base she draws from to bring
sexual possibilities aplenty into your home via this and her other books. I have known
her for many years, having worked with her back in the day at Good Vibrations, the sex
shop she references in her opening pages. I was in charge of staff education at that time,
helped by Charlie Glickman and other long-time SESAs (sex educator/sales associates),
and we saw that Violet was born to do this. She quickly made a name for herself in the
world of San Francisco sex education and adventure that I began exploring when I
arrived in the Bay Area in the 1980s to get my Ph.D. in sexology. I also learned from the
excellent program at San Francisco Sex Information, where I was training coordinator
with my partner Robert Morgan Lawrence before we started the Center for Sex &
Culture. Violet quickly became an asset at SFSI, too. We were both fortunate that the
erotic explorers and sex educators who came before us had created such an amazing
world of information, sex-related organizations, and play environments, and such a
diverse sexual world that avid students like us could graduate to become teachers.
There’s another thing that can step on people’s tails and put the kibosh on sexual
exploration: the thought that there might be something wrong with us sexually. that
we’re not normal. For a society that is as fascinated with sex as we are, we certainly have
a funny way of showing it; it’s like we have to express as much disapproval as necessary
to prove we’re not too pervy, and then we can get down to watching the pervy porn.
We’ll never know how many people have been denied the sex life and identity that
would have made them happy because they couldn’t get over this fence, but here, too,
we’re lucky that Violet has stepped up. Her light, yet informative, tone makes it seem
possible that this sexy fun is accessible to us, too, not just those people. In fact, in the
world of San Francisco sex ed, there is an educational model that guides us when we sit
down to write or stand up to teach: It’s called PLISSIT, and it is what sex therapists are
taught to offer you if your sex life is so stuck or fraught that you require their helpful
services. They know that you need Permission, Limited Information, and Specific
Suggestions (and only possibly Intensive Therapy), which is why Violet appears here too
in the role of your permission-giver, teacher, and coach for fantasy exploration. As shut
down as many of us have been about our desire for wide-ranging information and
experience, it is a vital role indeed.
We don’t get much permission in sex education, much hand-holding or support for
taking our own road and finding our own thrills. Certainly there is no “Explore Your
Fantasies!” module in most sex ed classes on the planet. But Violet teaches that class
here, and if going to sexy school isn’t the right fantasy to get you to turn the page, just
riffle through your mind’s collection of decadent desires and put her in a cop uniform or
in the director’s chair. Whatever you do, entrust her with something especially precious:
your fantasy life.
Carol Queen, Ph.D.
Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist and author of
Exhibitionism for the Shy