The Three-Martini Playdate: a Practical Guide to Happy Parenting

143 Pages·2012·36.529 MB·English

by  Mellor, Christie

THE
THREE-MARTINI
PLAYDATE

THE
THREE-MARTINI
PLAYDATE
A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO HAPPY PARENTING
By Christie Mellor
CHRONICLE BOOKS(cid:13)
San Francisco
I would like to gratefully acknowledge my friend Sarah Wingfield, whose
noisy enthusiasm for the first thirteen pages of this book encouraged me
to write the rest. The good and wise Jack Jensen, who said, “Send it our
way,” and Jay Schaefer, a marvelous editor and fine cocktail companion.
Linda Sunshine for her generous advice; the talented and unstinting Jim
Dean, for all his help; Clara Rodriguez, for bringing me more paper dolls
and reading all those e-mails; Maria Bustillos and Susanna Thompson
for the infectious optimism; Toni DeVito for never forgetting the sprig of
mint; and The Stump™ (but the older, funnier one). A thousand thanks
to my very own Richard Goldman, for the kicky title, as well as for his
unflagging support, keen eye, musical interludes, and doing of the dishes.
To Edison and Atticus, the best boys ever. And a very heartfelt thank-you
to the many parents and children without whom this book would have been
unnecessary.
Copyright © 2004 by Christie Mellor. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without
written permission from the publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available.
eisbn: 978-1-4521-1654-9
Designed by Benjamin Shaykin
Artwork by Christie Mellor
Composition by Kristen Wurz
Typeset in stfJohn Baskerville, fbEagle, and mtModern
Chronicle Books llc
680 Second Street
San Francisco, California 94107
www.chroniclebooks.com
This Book is dedicated
with much love
to Mike and Mary-Gin Mellor,
the original
Three-Martini Parents.
Í CONTENTS „
Introduction:In Praise of Grown-up Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11
Saying No to Your Child: It’s a Kick! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16
The Childproof House: How to Know If You’ve Gone Too Far . .22
Bedtime: Is Five-thirty Too Early? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29
The Child at a Social Event . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32
Screaming: Is It Necessary? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .39
Your Child’s Life: Now Available on DVD! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42
Diaper Bag or Steamer Trunk? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .46
When It Is Time to Leave . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .49
Children’s Birthday Parties: Not Just for Children! . . . . . . . . . . .54
The Family at Table . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .61
Child Labor: Not Just for the Third World! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .68
Avoiding the Detritus of Childhood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .74
Preschool: The Fast Track to Harvard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .78
The Three-Martini Playdate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .82
Mommy, I Want a Puppy! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .87
“Children’s Music”: Why? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .94
Are We There Yet? On the Road with Max and Maddy . . . . . . .101
School Days, School Days . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .108
Self-Esteem and Other Overrated Concepts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .113
Karate, Little League, and Ballet: Your Child’s Eighty-Hour
Work Week . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .117
Steppin’ Out with My Baby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .121
Television: Is Six Hours a Day Too Much? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .126
Your Cost-Effective Tomboy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .130
Don’t, Like, Waste My Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .133
The Amazing Hands-Off Daddy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .136
Epilogue:Why Do We Have Children? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .141
Í HELPFUL HINTS! „
Etiquette for First-Time Parents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14
When You Are the Victim of Your Own Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20
Practical Childproofing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28
On Getting out the Door . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .53
On Having Your Cooking Appreciated . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .66
Fiscal Planning and Your Tooth Fairy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .72
For Your Listening Pleasure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .98
Entertainment on the Road . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .105
On Helping Your Youngster with School Projects . . . . . . . . . . . .112
Do-It-Yourself After-School Enrichment Program . . . . . . . . . . .120
Í RECIPES „
Our Little Tot’s First Martini Recipe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37
Lemonade for Grown-ups . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .57
Weenie Fondue (For a Crowd) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .58
Devilish Eggs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .60
ÍINTRODUCTION „
IN PRAISE OF GROWN-UP TIME
it has come to my attention that children have
become the center of our universe.
Gone are the days when a small person of tender age
would do as he or she was asked, good-naturedly and obedi-
ently, and the rest of the time would sit quietly reading or prac-
ticing a simple cross-stitch. The child was able to carry on a lively
and friendly conversation with a grown-up, when asked; but
with equal good nature the youngster would disport himself
to a quiet corner when it appeared that the grown-ups were
converging. He might be trotted out to say his hellos, perhaps
to recite, possibly to help serve drinks or pass cocktail peanuts.
He might sit on a lap, but only if requested by a familiar grown-
up. He never presumed.
One wasn’t required to transport the little children hither
and thither, here to T-ball practice, there to a “playdate,” may
the chipper mommy who coined that particular term forever
rot in a hell of eternally colicky babies.
One wasn’t required to endure swarms of youngsters
teeming over the hors d’oeuvres, begging for refreshment just
Í11„