The Teen Survival Guide To Dating & Relating: Real-World Advice on Guys, Girls, Growing Up, and Getting Along PDF
Preview The Teen Survival Guide To Dating & Relating: Real-World Advice on Guys, Girls, Growing Up, and Getting Along
THIS BOOK IS FREE! This book was first published as Can You Relate? in 2000. In 2005 it was re-released as The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating. It went out of print in 2008. That’s the way things go sometimes. Instead of letting all this truly great relationship information vanish forever, I decided to give it away for FREE. No strings attached. So here it is. Everything you need to know about getting along better with yourself and everyone else. This book is yours to read wherever you want. Think about what you read. See how it applies to situations you’ve been in. Remember the stuff that makes the most sense to you because you never know when you might need it. And if you’ve got friends who could use help sorting out their feelings, pass it on to them. That’s what friends are for. Giving things away for free is not usually the way publishing companies like to do business. That’s why I want to give a big shout out to Free Spirit Publishingfor being so supportive of this wacky idea. Shows what cool people they are. In return, I invite you to visit Free Spirit’swebsite (www.FreeSpirit.com). Check out my other books for teens and tweens which are still for sale: Too Stressed to Think? A Teen Guide to Staying Sane When Life Makes You CRAZY and the Middle School Confidential™ series. And while you’re there, check out Free Spirit’s other amazing books. You can also buy my other books through Amazon.comor at my website books.AnnieFox.com. In fact, you should visit my site, AnnieFox.com, whether you want to buy books or not. You’ll probably appreciate the information you find there. And if you’ve got something going on in your life that you could use some help sorting out, email me: contact.AnnieFox.com. That’s what I’m here for. Enjoy this book! In friendship, Annie Fox P.S. All links in this PDF are clickable. No need to copy the URLs into your browser. The Teen Survival Guide to Dating & Relating Real-World Advice on Guys, Girls, Growing Up, and Getting Along by Annie Fox, M.Ed.* *also known as Hey Terra! Edited by Elizabeth Verdick Copyright ©2005 by Annie Fox, M.Ed. The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relatingwas originally published in 2000 as Can You Relate? All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. This book is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. You are free to share this book (to copy, distribute and transmit the work) under the following conditions: Attribution—You must attribute the work in the manner specified by the author or licensor (but not in any way that suggests that they endorse you or your use of the work). Noncommercial—You may not use this work for commercial purposes. No Derivative Works—You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work. Free Spirit, Free Spirit Publishing, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Free Spirit Publishing Inc. A complete listing of our logos and trademarks is available at www.freespirit.com. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Fox, Annie, 1950– The teen survival guide to dating and relating : real-world advice on guys, girls, growing up, and getting along / by Annie Fox. p. cm. “Originally published in 2000 under the title Can you relate?”—T.p. verso. ISBN 1-57542-190-9 1. Teenagers—United States. 2. Adolescent psychology. 3. Interpersonal relations in adolescence. 4. Dating (Social customs) I. Title. HQ796.F745 2005 305.235—dc22 200500765 At the time of this book’s publication, all facts and figures cited are the most current available; all telephone numbers, addresses, and Web site URLs are accurate and active; all publications, organi- zations, Web sites, and other resources exist as described in this book; and all have been verified as of February 2005. The author and Free Spirit Publishing make no warranty or guarantee concerning the information and materials given out by organizations or content found at Web sites, and we are not responsible for any changes that occur after this book’s publication. If you find an error or believe that a resource listed here is not as described, please contact Free Spirit Publishing. Parents, teachers, and other adults: We strongly urge you to monitor children’s use of the Internet. Free Spirit Publishing Inc. Cover design by Marieka Heinlen 217 Fifth Avenue North, Suite 200 Interior design by Percolator Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299 Index compiled by Randl Ockey (612) 338-2068 PDF-1.0 September 27, 2009 [email protected] www.freespirit.com To David—my love, my partner, my best friend, my rock— always in all ways. Thank you for our unlimited relationship of thirty years. It nurtures me in everything I do. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Many good-hearted people spent days reviewing early drafts of The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating and sharing their ideas and suggestions with me. Their insights helped shape a manuscript into what I hope is a useful, compassionate book filled with highly accessible information. For that I thank Cheryl Amon, Kasey Arnold-Ince, David Fox, Deborah Roberts, Geoffrey Wild, and Jenna Woodul. Likewise, I’m indebted to my dear friend Peg Shalen, MFCC, whose compassionate and insightful work with teens has made her an invaluableresource to our community. I’d also like to thank Talk City, original host of The InSite, for giving Terra her first online home. Without the support of Peter Friedman and company, Terra would have remained just another idea inside my head. Of course, this book wouldn’t exist without the thousands of teens online around the world who reached out to Terra and trusted her to help them sort out their confusion, worries, fears, and dreams. Nothing pleases me more than knowing I’ve helped them. Thank you to my editor at Free Spirit Publishing, Elizabeth Verdick. Her knowing hand guided the structure of what could have been a very unwieldy project. I wish also to acknowledge my agent, Harvey Harrison, a man who knows how to recognize, encourage, and promote ideas that can change the world. I’m honored to have him rep- resent me. Finally, I’d like to proclaim my love and admiration for my daughter, Fayette, and my son, Ezra. It has always been a delight and a great source of pride for me to be their mother. There’s no doubt in my mind that they’ve taught me more about being a teen than I ever learned from being one myself. CONTENTS INTRODUCTION 1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chapter 1: Me, Myself, and I 5 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . WHAT’S UP WITH PEER PRESSURE? 6 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kids bug me because I’m different...7 If I stand up for someone, other people might not like me anymore...8 Why should people care if the girl I like is only a sophomore?...9 RIDING EMOTIONAL WAVES 10 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anger 10 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I get mad about everything...13 Embarrassment 15 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I always make a fool of myself...16 Insecurity 17 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I don’t think I’m good enough...18 Loneliness 19 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . On weekends, it’s like I live on a deserted island...20 Sadness 21 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My grandma died, and I feel lost without her...23 HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR LOOKS 24 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I want to look like the models in the fashion magazines...26 My breasts are too big!...28 Would a popular girl ever like a chunky guy?...29 MAKING DECISIONS 30 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Isn’t it MY decision?...32 How far should I go for a friend?...33 Chapter 2: What Are Boyfriend /Girlfriend Relationships All About? 35 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . LOOKING FOR LOVE 36 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Is my true love someone exactly like me?...37 I wish I had a girlfriend!...38 I need a boy- friend!...38 I’ve looked everywhere for a boyfriend...40 I always like guys I can’t get...40 LOVE VS. LUST 41 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . He says he loves me and wants to have sex...43 I feel guilty about what I did...44 How can we spend less time having sex?...45 Is he up to something?...46 GETTING NOTICED 47 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . How can you tell if someone likes you?...48 I’m too shy to talk to her!...49 My dream guy already has a girlfriend!...50 ASKING SOMEONE OUT 51 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I don’t have the guts to ask a girl out...53 What if she laughs at me?...53 How can I find out if she likes me?...54 He only likes me as a friend...55 What do girls REALLYwant?...56 WHAT MAKES A “GOOD” BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND? 57 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I’m having trouble finding my type...61 Am I too picky?...61 What makes a great girlfriend, anyway?...62 Where can I find a boyfriend who will stay?...63 How come some girls like guys who treat them badly?...64 Chapter 3: Making Boyfriend /Girlfriend Relationships Work 65 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS 65 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Honesty 66 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I lied to my girlfriend, and I’m afraid she’ll find out...68 My boyfriend doesn’t know that I’m part black...69 Cheating (dishonesty) 69 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Why do I keep cheating on my girlfriend?...71 Is he cheating or not?...72 I cheated on my jealous boyfriend...73 Respect 74 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My boyfriend calls me names...75 My girlfriend is always late...76 Trust 77 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I don’t know if I trust my girlfriend...78 Jealousy (lack of trust) 78 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My boyfriend gets mad if I talk to other guys...80 My boyfriend has two girlfriends!...81 Communication 81 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I wish my girlfriend talked to me more...83 How come boys don’t talk about their feelings?...83 REDEFINING RELATIONSHIPS 84 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . From nearby to long distance 85 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My girlfriend lives in another part of the state...86 How can our relationship last when my boyfriend is away?...87 Friends or something more? 88 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . She only thinks of me as her best friend...88 I went out with my best friend, but it didn’t work out...89 Should I tell her how I feel?...90 Will he ever kiss me?...91 Chapter 4: Sex, Unhealthy Romantic Relationships, and Good-byes 93 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . GETTING CLOSER PHYSICALLY 94 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SEX AND PHYSICAL RISKS 95 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pregnancy 96 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) 96 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Did we have sex?...97 What is this rash?...98 My girlfriend is pregnant!...99 SEX AND EMOTIONAL RISKS 101 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . How do you know when you’re ready for sex?...102 My girlfriend and I ended up having sex, but I didn’t want to...103 I don’t want to have sex, but I don’t want to lose him!...104 UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS 106 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My boyfriend is totally mean to me...109 I’m afraid to ask my girlfriend what’s going on with her...110 My boyfriend questions my every move...111 He loves me, but he hits me...112 SAYING GOOD-BYE 113 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I don’t like her as much as I used to...116 What’s going on with my boyfriend?...117 I’m not happy with my girlfriend, but I don’t want to be alone...118 My boyfriend thinks I’d be perfect if I’d only change a few things...119 My girlfriend told people we broke up, but we didn’t!...120 Can I break up with my boyfriend without hurting him?...121 GETTING OVER A BROKEN HEART 122 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My boyfriend says he doesn’t know why he dumped me...124 I’m having a hard time getting over my girlfriend...125 I miss my ex, and I want her back!...126 My girlfriend dumped me...127 I’m not over him yet...127 How can I get him to love me again?...128 Chapter 5: Friends, Peers, and Enemies 131 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . REAL FRIENDS VS. THE OTHER KIND 132 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I’ve lost respect for my “druggie” friends...133 I used to like this girl, but now I don’t want her as a friend...134 My two best friends are worst enemies...135 My friend is having sex with her boyfriend!...136 Communicating 137 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My friend won’t talk to me about our fight!...138 My friend has no idea what’s going on with me...139 I told my friend that I’m a lesbian...140 MAKING AND KEEPING AGREEMENTS 141 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . She didn’t get me a birthday present...142 He promised not to tell...143 We made a pact not to mess around with each other’s boyfriends...144 Support 145 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . She says she’ll call back, but she never does!...147 I want to stand up for my friend...148 People are spreading rumors about my friend...149 Trust 150 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Isn’t it wrong to date your best friend’s ex?...151 I said something awful behind my friend’s back...152 My best friend stole my girlfriend!...153 What if your girlfriend’s best friend comes on to you?...154 PEER GROUPS 155 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My friend is pressuring me to be cooler...156 My friends are into things that I know are wrong...157 I’m not ready for all this boy stuff...158 They want to keep picking on this girl, but I don’t...159 ENEMIES 160 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . How can I get this guy to leave me alone?...161 Why did my friends turn against me?...163 GROWING APART 164 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My best friend isn’t interested in me anymore...165 My old best friend is acting like she doesn’t like me anymore...166 Chapter 6: Getting Along with Parents 167 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . INDEPENDENCE 169 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Why can’t I pick out my own clothes?...170 My parents still treat me like I’m seven, even though I’m seventeen!...171 My mom criticizes everything that I do!...172
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