The Sunday Times Magazine - 17 July 2022

62 Pages·2022·21 MB·English

July 17 2022
A love letter from the National
Scrabble Championship

16
17.07.2022
5 Matt Rudd
“So ... how are the kids?” The
forgotten art of small talk
6 Relative Values
Frozen’s Kristen Bell and her
actor husband, Dax Shepard
8 Rachel Reeves
The shadow chancellor tells
Josh Glancy about surviving
the Corbyn years and
winning the next election
16 Bikinis and balaclavas
Matthew Campbell reports
from Mexico on the
gruesome gang wars
plaguing the Mayan Riviera
24 Captain Tom: the fallout 58
The family of the man who
raised £39 million tell
David James Smith about
life in the global spotlight
32 COVER: Word wars
High drama at the National
Scrabble Championship.
By Ralph Jones
40 Food and drink
Claire Thomson elevates
the humble tomato, Marina
O’Loughlin reviews Hello
Oriental, Will Lyons finds the
best French country wines
49 Books to Live By
Mariella Frostrup explores the
darker side of rock stardom
8
50 Driving
The best-value summer soft
GETTY tops. By Nick Rufford 24
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The Sunday Times Magazine • 3

M A T T R U D D
I’ve lost the art of small talk. So let’s
enjoy this wedding in silence, shall we?
I
was at a wedding last weekend, the first wedding to the reception and found other people to talk to. She
in a very long while, a lovely wedding, very relaxed, was not coming to my rescue. In fact, from the way
amusing vicar, idyllic setting and a band called the she was laughing and gesturing, it was almost as if
Top Banana, who performed on stilts and were she was happier talking to other people. I was on my
much better than that makes them sound. It was own. Or, rather, we were on our own. And that’s when
halfway through the second glass of champagne I realised I’d also forgotten how small talk ends. There
that I realised I haven’t done small talk for almost are tricks. Walking around a party with two glasses.
as long as I haven’t been to a wedding. Partly the Waving over someone’s shoulder and saying, “There’s
pandemic’s fault, partly just man’s (not woman’s) Alice, I must say hello.” But in that moment, I’d
natural evolution from sociable, gregarious, forgotten. And so, clearly, had he because the next
outgoing lover of life to miserable old humbug. thing he fumbled into, the next hideous conversational
What happened is that Harriet, with no thought cul-de-sac he drove us down, was, “How’s work?”
for anyone else, went to the loo. Everything had been I don’t think it’s just me. Everyone’s small talk
going perfectly well until then. We’d been gossiping calibration is a bit off. It took me ten years to find that
safely in our own two-person bubble. “Look, Ed’s gone rarest of phenomena, a hairdresser who doesn’t do
completely grey.” “Sssshhhh!!!” “Well, he has.” We’d small talk, but now my prized monosyllabic barber has
enjoyed a bit of harmless inter-couple interaction. gone full blabbermouth. Perhaps he read an online
“Hey guys.” “Wonderful venue.” “And the bride.” psychology degree during lockdown. Perhaps Zoom-
“I know.” “Beautiful.” But then Harriet needed the hairdressing changed him. Whatever happened, he’s
loo. Just like that. Barely two glasses in. become so inquisitive I have to cut my own hair again.
“Can’t you wait until I need to go?” She could not Before the pandemic, the answer to “how are you?”
or would not, so she went. And there, in her place, was “Fine, how are you?” Even if you’d just survived a
suddenly, was a guy I think I met once before, plane crash, won the lottery or somehow lost both legs
about four weddings or a funeral ago, whose name, to a woodchipper, that was still the answer. Now,
obviously, I couldn’t remember. He had also been people seem to be treating it as an actual inquiry.
suddenly abandoned and he also had only the I now know, for example, that the guy who came to
vaguest sense of our previous meeting. Both of fix our dishwasher is thinking of moving to
us realised we were trapped. Cumbria and he knows that I might need an
Hello, hi, how are you, great, how are you, operation for a Dupuytren’s contracture. And now
great, lovely day, yes, yes it is, smashing, went you do too. Ridiculous.
the conversation and then, without any thought, The Finns don’t do small talk. They do big talk or
I said, “How are the kids?” Just blurted it out like nothing. It’s such an embedded national trait that
a man who has never made small talk in his life they’ve started offering classes in small talk for
and immediately, I knew I’d blundered. I couldn’t Finns attempting to do business overseas. I think
remember if he had kids or not and even if he did, we should be taking lessons from them. I’m not
he was just trying to enjoy a rare weekend away advocating big talk at weddings. No one wants to
from them. He didn’t want to tell me how they hear your four-sauvignons-down position on China
were and I didn’t want to know either. Before the or the NHS or the failings of the national curriculum
pandemic, I would never have asked a possibly or the problem with the music industry today at a
impotent virtual stranger about his probably wedding. Proper big talk — open, honest, meaningful
non-existent progeny. Covid has taken so much. conversation — is something we men could and should
NE Unfortunately he did have kids and so, for the next get much better at but again, not at a wedding. Or at
GAZI five minutes or four hours, he had to tell me about least, not until much later at a wedding.
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The Sunday Times Magazine • 5
R E L A T I V E V A L U E S
Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard
The Good Place star and her comedian husband on screaming matches and couples therapy
Kristen
homeopathic things but they didn’t work. We were
Dax was engaging and edgy from the moment I met away from home on location so I couldn’t see a doctor.
him. I knew he was in a similar industry to mine, but Our daughter wasn’t latching well and preferred the
neither of us had any idea who the other was. I didn’t bottle. So I pulled down my shirt and turned to Dax
know he was on [the MTV prank show] Punk’d. He had and said, “I’m going to need you to take care of this.”
no idea that I was an actress [Bell’s credits include The And he nursed and sucked out whatever was blocking
Good Place, Veronica Mars and the voice of Frozen’s my duct and spat it into a mug. I woke up the next
Anna]. But he was captivating and super-funny. morning and it was gone. I’m glad I have a husband
A few weeks after we first met through a friend who would step up to the plate and do what needed
we bumped into each other at a hockey game in Los to be done.
Angeles. He asked for gum and for some reason, maybe We get stopped in the street sometimes. People
to be funny, I pulled mine out of my mouth and offered recognise Dax from his shows or they might listen
it to him. He put it in his mouth and I thought, “OK, to his podcast, Armchair Expert [Prince Harry
this guy wants to f*** me. I know the signs.” participated in an episode last year, discussing mental
The first few months of our relationship were health issues and comparing his life in the royal family
rocky. We are both incredibly stubborn, strong-willed with the film The Truman Show]. Families who know
individuals from diametrically opposed backgrounds. I was the voice of Anna in Frozen also come over. We
Dax is a recovering [drug] addict. I’m Catholic- have to explain to our kids that although they might not
schooled, trained in musical theatre and have anxiety like it, this is why we are able to have a house by the lake
and depression. and go on vacation.
In the early days we would have screaming matches. Other children are obsessed with Frozen but our
God bless the people who lived in the same block as us. daughters are very neutral about it. Under no
We would just have it out with one another for hours circumstances am I allowed to sing Do You Want to
at the top of our lungs. We didn’t know how to disagree Build a Snowman? I can get away with lullabies, but if I
with each other and still feel safe in the relationship. sing anything that’s on the radio they’re, like, “Enough!”
We were also both outside our pattern of people that
we dated, so we probably lacked some confidence that
“Now Kristen doesn’t take my
the other person would keep liking us.
We went to couples therapy early on. We had
addiction personally and I don’t
to figure out how to get under those layers of
stubbornness and work out how to trust each other and take her depression personally”
connect, putting aside disagreements. I thought I was
empathetic and could walk in someone else’s shoes, but
I realised I was still doing it with my own glasses on.
I know I am married to an addict, who will forever be an
addict, so I need to understand how he works. It helped
me understand him and not make his addiction about
me. So when he relapses [as Shepard did in 2020],
instead of saying, “Why are you doing this to our
family?” I ask him, “How can I help you?”
Dax is extremely affectionate as a father. His
readiness for emotional or physical affection with
our girls [Lincoln, nine, and Delta, seven] is my Main: Kristen, 41,
favourite bit about his parenting. He is always up for a and Dax, 47, at the
snuggle. That’s important because we want our girls to Menier Chocolate
grow up knowing that a man is not afraid to hold their Factory theatre
hand or be their shoulder to cry on if they need. in south London.
One time I was particularly grateful for Dax was Right: at their
when I was breastfeeding our second girl and got wedding at the
mastitis. I’d had it before with my first daughter Beverly Hills county
and learnt how dangerous it can get fast. It can go clerk’s office in
septic. I was standing in the shower trying all the October 2013
6 • The Sunday Times Magazine
P O R T R A I T B Y J O N A T T E N B O R O U G H
Dax S T R A N G E of divorce. I had all these reasons for not believing in
Kristen and I first met at a friend’s birthday dinner marriage. Jason said, why not do it for Kristen?
H A B I T S
but neither of us were open for a love match then. I’d We had a very small wedding. It cost less than $200.
been in a break-up that day and Kristen had been in a I have a really strong class-war chip on my shoulder.
break-up two or three months before that, so we were Dax on Kristen I’m from a super-working-class background. So is
both pretty distracted. The one thing I do remember If someone is Kristen. Her mum was a nurse; mine was a janitor who
about her is that she was ecstatic about having received speaking in a worked nights. Both were single mums. So I bristle at
coupons from the department store Target. She was novel way in lofty events. The notion of getting together and acting
thrifty — I liked that — but also sparkly and hilarious. a film, she has like a king and queen just doesn’t appeal to me.
We met, fell in love and moved way too quickly. We to repeat it. You Big Hollywood events aren’t really for us either.
did a movie together [2010’s When in Rome] and moved can’t get through It’s easy to get caught up in the swell. At first they’re
in about two months into dating. When we got home a scene without validating and it’s flattering that you’re there. But none
from shooting we said we either need to break up her muttering of it improves your self-esteem in the long run. Now it
or figure out a way to coexist. Our therapist quickly feels like work. If we go, our sole purpose is to find our
pointed out what was wrong. He said, “Dax is a former Kristen on Dax friends and I’d rather just have them round for dinner.
scumbag addict and is used to feeling guilty, so when He diagnoses his Our children couldn’t care less what we do. It’s in
you have depression and go quiet, Kristen, he thinks own ailments. He your DNA to reject your parents. Nothing we do is cool,
you’re mad at him and gets defensive.” has just bought but they’ll let me take them on motorcycle rides in the
Now Kristen doesn’t take my addiction personally an eye patch evening. I’m teaching them about engineering too. It’s
and I don’t take her depression personally. There’s an because he my dream that one day they will be my pit crew n
assumption when something like a relapse happens believes he is
that the other party is upset, but Kristen says to me, short-sighted Interviews by Hannah Evans.
“Tell me what you are feeling. What can I do?” in one eye and Bell and Shepard’s premium, plant-based baby
The actor Jason Bateman, who is a friend, gave me a long-sighted in range, Hello Bello (hellobello.co.uk), is exclusively
bit of a kick to propose. Kristen and I are both children the other available in store at Asda and at asda.co.uk
The Sunday Times Magazine • 7
8 • The Sunday Times Magazine
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The Sunday Times Magazine • 9
is auditioning alongside him to get us out shadow cabinet, serving as shadow work and
of the acute mess we find ourselves in. pensions secretary. She has always attracted
That the Tories seem chaotic and flat attention in politics because she’s properly
out of ideas is tough to dispute. But does clever — under-14 national girls chess
Labour have what it takes to turn the champion, PPE at New College, Oxford,
country around? Can the likes of Starmer Bank of England economist — and there
and Reeves hold our attention long enough aren’t many on either side of the Commons
to win an election? And what would they with a CV to match. “One reason she’s
do if they get there? popular in the party is they like good people,
Although still only 43, Reeves is a battle- because they see too many mediocre people,”
scarred Westminster veteran at this point. a former shadow cabinet colleague says.
The child of two south London primary Her rising star was all but swallowed,
school teachers, she grew up in Bromley, however, in the black hole of Miliband’s
finding her way into politics via a six-year unexpectedly heavy election defeat to
stint as an economist at the Bank of England David Cameron in 2015. Eight months
and three years working for Halifax Bank of pregnant at the time, she watched that
Scotland in Leeds. “She is the classic clever famous exit poll drop from her small
comprehensive girl made good,” says Michael constituency house in Leeds. “It was awful,”
Dugher, a former Labour MP and longtime she recalls. “I think I was the last person to
achel Reeves still remembers all the men who friend. “She’s done it through a combination still believe Ed was going to be PM. We
didn’t take her seriously. She remembers of serious intellect and hard work.” were incredibly naive.”
the dad of one of her peers at chess club, After first winning the seat of Leeds West Within months Jeremy Corbyn was
who was amazed to find out her GCSE in 2010, Reeves came to prominence in 2011 Labour leader, the hard left had taken over
results. “The look of astonishment on his as one of the “rising stars” of Ed Miliband’s the party and Reeves was out in the cold,
face, I’ll never forget it,” she recalls. “And resigning her position on the front bench.
he went, ‘Oh, so girls from Cator Park can Loathed by the Corbynistas, she recalls
do well at school.’ I just thought, eff off — it being iced out of party conference that year
was so insulting. That’s what it was like: girl, She and and told to go and join the Tories. “It hurt,”
state comprehensive, people underestimated she says. “I hated what was happening in
me. But I knew I could do it. I knew I was as Starmer are the Labour Party.”
good as them.” She remembers when the And yet as a “tribal” Labour member since
Newsnight editor Ian Katz accidentally genuinely her teens, someone whose earliest political
tweeted a direct message calling her memory is her father pointing at Neil
“snoring, boring” after she went on the close. He relies Kinnock on the telly when she was six and
show. And she remembers the radio host saying, “This is who we vote for,” she couldn’t
Iain Dale saying her south London twang bring herself to leave the party. “I did just
on her
reminded him of EastEnders’ Pat Butcher. think the best vehicle for getting centre-left
Even today you get the sense people government was staying in the Labour
economic
might still be underestimating Labour’s Party and fighting for it.” She might not be
shadow chancellor. I meet her at 1 Lombard razzle-dazzle, but toughness is clearly not
guidance and
Street, an airy City of London lunch spot an issue. “I like Rachel a lot, but I wouldn’t
where moneymen gather to scoff Dover sole mess with her,” one political ally says.
political savvy.
and compare notes on their stock portfolios. Reeves played a canny game during the
I wonder how many of these well-fed chaps Corbyn years. While Starmer made his way
recognise the woman in the corner wearing “We message into the shadow cabinet, serving as Brexit
a purple dress, who might well end up secretary on Corbyn’s front bench, Reeves
being their next chancellor. Or perhaps pretty much retreated warily to the back benches, held
the one after that, depending on where the on to her seat and fended off a petition
Downing Street trolley veers next following every day” for deselection, chaired the business select
Boris Johnson’s resignation and Nadhim committee and raised the two young
Zahawi’s installation at the Treasury.
“It’s terrible for the country,” Reeves
says of the current chaos. “There’s just huge
political uncertainty. Businesses don’t know
who will be in No 10 tomorrow, or No 11.
Economic policy is lurching from one place
to the next. Tax policy is in a mess, giving
with one hand and taking with two or three.
It’s real hokey-cokey stuff.”
We’re meeting because Labour thinks
it can do better. As the Conservative Party
descends into what is likely to be a scrappy
and savage leadership contest, a Labour
victory at the next election is starting to
feel distinctly possible, perhaps even likely.
Keir Starmer, if he does end up being prime
minister, doesn’t know one end of a yield
curve from the other. So Reeves, his
economics Yoda and close political adviser,
10 • The Sunday Times Magazine