ADVANCE PRAISE FOR THE STORY OF GOD “Part Kurt Vonnegut, part Douglas Adams, but let’s be honest, Matheson had me at ‘Based on the Bible.’” —Dana Gould, comedian and former writer and producer for The Simpsons “It isn’t easy being God, as this book makes quite clear. It’s a full-time job and any screwups can haunt you for an eternity. What Life of Brian did for Jesus, The Story of God may do for the Father … or the Son, or the Holy Ghost … It humanizes the poor guy, which, after all, is appropriate since he was created in the image of man.” —Lawrence M. Krauss, director of the Origins Project at Arizona State University and author of The Physics of Star Trek and A Universe from Nothing “Matheson punctures the pretensions of organized religion with unremitting hilarity.” —Jerry Coyne, author of Why Evolution Is True and Faith versus Fact: Why Science and Religion Are Incompatible “Half the people who read this book will laugh out loud, certain Chris Matheson is a twisted comic genius; the other half will laugh silently, equally certain that Chris will spend eternity writhing in hell.” —Ed Solomon, screenwriter of Men in Black “The Story of God is an original, funny, and devastating book.” —Jay Phelan, coauthor of Mean Genes “If there is a God who wrote the Bible, when he reads this he’s going to wonder why his editors didn’t point out all the problems in his text before publication. Brilliant and irreverent.” —Michael Shermer, publisher of Skeptic magazine, monthly columnist for Scientific American, author of The Moral Arc “At times the story Matheson tells of God is not just funny, but laugh out loud funny. It’s thought provoking too. I loved it!” —John W. Loftus, author of Why I Became an Atheist and The Outsider Test for Faith “This is the version of the bible Gutenberg should have printed. Only difference is, it’s much more fun. Hilarious. Irreverent. Timeless.” —Peter Boghossian, author of A Manual for Creating Atheists Pitchstone Publishing Durham, North Carolina www.pitchstonepublishing.com Copyright © 2015 by Chris Matheson All rights reserved Printed in the USA 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Matheson, Chris. The story of God : a biblical comedy about love (and hate) / Chris Matheson. pages ; cm ISBN 978-1-63431-024-6 (hardcover) 1. God—Attributes—Fiction. I. Title. PS3613.A8262S76 2015 813’.6—dc23 2015015018 To S Based on a true story the Bible Glossary Gen.—Genesis Ex.—Exodus Lev.—Leviticus Num.—Numbers Deut.—Deuteronomy Josh.—Joshua Jud.—Judges 1 K.—I Kings 2 K.—II Kings 1 Sam.—I Samuel 2 Sam.—II Samuel Isa.—Isaiah Jere.—Jeremiah Ezek.—Ezekiel Mal.—Malachi Hos.—Hosea Mic.—Micah Jon.—Jonah Prov.—Proverbs Song—Song of Songs Ecc. - Ecclesiastes Job—Book Of Job Mat.—Matthew Mar.—Mark Lu.—Luke Jo.—John Ac.—Acts Ephes.—Ephesians Rom.—Romans Gal.—Galatians Esd.—Esdras Rev.—Revelations (Thom.—Thomas; apocryphal) PART I
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