The Stories of Men who are Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse

212 Pages·2010·0.79 MB·English

Breaking the Silence:
The Stories of Men who are Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse

by

HAYLEY CHRISTINA MEDURIĆ

submitted in part fulfilment of the requirements
for the degree of

MASTER OF ARTS

in the subject

CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY

at the

UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH AFRICA

SUPERVISOR: PROF. JUAN A. NEL
NOVEMBER 2009
i

Student Number: 4343-863-6

I declare that Breaking the Silence: The Stories of Men who are Survivors of
Childhood Sexual Abuse is my own work and that all the sources that I have used or
quoted have been indicated and acknowledged by means of complete references.

____________________ ____________________

(Mrs.) H.C. Medurić Date
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Abstract

This research focuses on the personal stories surrounding men who were sexually abused
in childhood. The aim of this study is to shed light on the experiences of these men, and
attempt to lift the veil of secrecy and stigma attached to male childhood sexual abuse.
Three participants were selected for this qualitative study using the selection procedure of
purposive sampling. Each participant was introduced with the use of a semi-structured
interview format, and the information that was obtained from each participant was
explored using a hermeneutic analysis approach. The results suggest that society’s
naivety and ignorance of issues pertaining to sexually abused men are prominent. Both
differences and similarities, in relation to the experiences of these men, are evident. With
particular reference to the three participants whom partook in this study, the differing
experiences that appear significant are suicidal ideation; low self-esteem; flashbacks; fear
of men in general; and mind-body separation. The similar experiences that are evident
within the participants’ stories are their desire for secrecy; fear of what society may think
of them; desperate attempts to cope and subsequently escape the memories of their pasts;
long-lasting effects, such as a lack of trust and an absence of intimacy; and determination
to move forward and prevail.

Key words: Sexual abuse; male; men; boy; childhood; molestation; abuser; secrecy;
silence; coping strategies; taboos; postmodernism; social constructionism; hermeneutics;
qualitative research.
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Acknowledgements

I would like to acknowledge all those who have walked beside me on my journey:

To my supervisor, Prof. Juan Nel: You have supported and encouraged me. Thank you
for you guidance and dedication to my dissertation. I will be forever grateful.

To my lecturers: You have made my training an experience that I will never forget.
Thank you for bestowing your knowledge and passion upon me. I will carry you all with
me as I venture through life.

To my participants, Ronnie, Ashley, and George: you made this research study possible.
Thank you for entrusting me with your stories and allowing me into your lives.

To my parents, Jim and Jenny Rochford: I struggle to find the words to express how
honoured and thankful I am to be your daughter. You gave me life and the will to make it
extraordinary. Thank you for always encouraging me, believing in me, and ensuring that I
never give up.

To my husband, Toma Medurić: You have stood beside me every step of the way. Thank
you for being my pillar of strength; my light in the dark; my soft place to fall; the love of
my life. Thank you for nurturing me and helping me become the woman I am today. I am
proud to be your wife. I love you.
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To my family, both old and new: Your love and faith in me has given me the strength and
motivation to persevere. Thank you all for being such important parts of my life.

To Liezel Gericke and Samantha Holle: You are two of the most amazing women I have
ever met. Thank you for believing in me and encouraging me to follow my dreams.

To Ilse Robbertse and Melanie Prinsloo: You have made my life a brighter, happier, and
more fulfilled place. Thank you for your friendship and unvarying support.

A special mention to Zeke: You are the light of my life.
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Contents

Declaration i
Abstract ii
Acknowledgements iii
Contents v

Chapter One – “Once upon a time”: An Introduction 1
Aim and Rationale 5
Study Outline 10
Chapter One – “Once upon a time”: An Introduction 11
Chapter Two – “Through the wood”: A Literature Review 11
Chapter Three – “Find the path”: The Methodology 11
Chapter Four – “What big eyes you have”: The Results 12
Chapter Five – “Got you at last”: A Discussion and Conclusion 12

Chapter Two – “Through the wood”: A Literature Review 13
Defining the Title 15
‘Breaking the Silence’ 16
‘Stories’ 16
‘Men’ 17
‘Survivors’ 18
‘Childhood’ 18
‘Sexual Abuse’ 18
The Hush of Male Childhood Sexual Abuse 20
Helpless Little Children 20
Sociocultural Influences 21
Cultural beliefs: ‘Respect thy elders’ 22
Apartheid: Cultures divided 23
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Poverty: Opportunities and survival 24
Predatory Priests 27
Positions of Power 29
Emotional Coercion 31
Dot Com 33
The Media’s Role 35
Taboos 35
Myths and legends 37
Incestuous relations 39
‘Secret Alliances’ 41
Professional Oblivion 44
Patriarchal Influences 45
Feminism: Women unite 47
Physical Evidence 48
Culminating Thoughts 49

Chapter Three – “Find the path”: The Methodology 51
Ontology and Epistemology 51
Ontology 51
Postmodernism 51
Epistemology 53
Social constructionism 53
Qualitative Approach 55
Reliability 57
Validity 58
Ethics 59
Research Approach 62
Sampling 63
Data Collection 66
The life-story/narrative approach 69
vii
Interviewing sexually abused men 70
Hermeneutics 71
Concluding Words 73

Chapter Four – “What big eyes you have”: The Results 74
Ronnie’s Story 74
Secrecy versus Truth 76
Social sway 76
Fear 79
Exchanges 80
Facing the truth 81
Feelings of Ambivalence 83
Self-blame and guilt versus forgiveness and acceptance 83
A loving family versus a non-supportive family 86
Being quiet versus being proactive 88
Angry versus calm 89
Coping Strategies 90
Escapism 90
Cutting-off 92
Being a loner 93
Religion 94
Seeking support 95
Weakness versus Strength 97
Ongoing Effects 99
Trust equals hurt 99
Desperate measures 101
Questioning sexual identity 103
Conclusion 105
Ashley’s Story 106
Silent Secrecy 107
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Privileges 108
Muting mentor 111
Society-a-judging 112
Ambivalence and Ambiguity 115
‘Maybe, maybe not’ 115
Being ‘freaked out’ versus being ‘okay’ 118
‘Who to blame’ 119
Feeling versus not feeling 121
Ways of Coping 124
‘Blocking’ 124
Escaping reality 125
‘The Ripple Effect’ 126
Trust 127
Self-esteem 127
Intimacy 128
Conclusion 129
George’s Story 130
Being Silent versus Telling 132
Social influences 132
Trusting friends 133
Offerings 135
Telling 138
Ambiguous Feelings 141
‘To blame or not to blame?’ 141
Learning to Cope 143
Separating body and mind 143
Mental blocks 144
Trying to escape 145
Faith 146
Long Lasting Consequences 147
Flashbacks 148
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‘All trust is lost’ 149
Sexuality 150
Male fear 151
Physical intimacy 152
Conclusion 154

Chapter Five – “Got you at last”: A Discussion and Conclusion 156
Similarities 156
Secrecy 157
Societal Fear 157
Privileges and gifts for silence 158
Fear 158
Ambivalence and Ambiguity 160
Coping Mechanisms 160
Escapism 161
Mental blocking 162
Religion 162
Long-lasting Effects 163
A lack of trust 164
The absence of intimacy 164
Sexuality questioning 165
Unresolved emotions 166
Similar Abusers 167
Generations of Abuse 168
‘Know who I am’ 168
Individual Distinctions 170
Ronnie 171
Seeking support 171
Suicidal ideation 171
Ashley 172