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The State of Affairs: Explorations in infidelity and Commitment (Lea's Series on Personal Relationships) PDF

280 Pages·2004·14.25 MB·English
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The State of Affairs Explorations in Infidelity and Commitment LEA'S SERIES ON PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS Steve Duck, Series Editor BENNETT Time and Intimacy: A New Science of Personal Relationships CANARY/DAINTON Maintaining Relationships Through Communication: Relational, Contextual, and Cultural Variations CHRISTOPHER To Dance the Dance: A Symbolic Interaction Exploration of Premarital Sexuality DUNCOMBE/HARRISON/ The State of Affairs: Explorations ALLAN/MARSDEN in Infidelity and Commitment GOODWIN/CRAMER Inappropriate Relationships: The Unconventional, the Disapproved, and the Forbidden HONEYCUTT/CANTRILL Cognition, Communication, and Romantic Relationships MILLER/ALBERTS/HECHT/ Adolescent Relationships and Drug Use TROST/KRIZEK MONSOUR Women and Men as Friends: Relationships Across the Life Span in the 21st Century ROGERS/ESCUDERO Relational Communication: An Interactional Perspective to the Study of Process and Form For more information, contact us at www.erlbaum.com The State of Affairs Explorations in Infidelity and Commitment Edited by JEAN DUNCOMBE University College Chichester, England KAEREN HARRISON University College Chichester, England GRAHAM ALLAN Keele University, England DENNIS MARSDEN University College Chichester, England LAWRENCE ERLBAUM ASSOCIATES, PUBLISHERS 2004 Mahwah, New Jersey London Copyright © 2004 by Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, by photostat, microform, retrieval system, or any other means, without prior written permission of the publisher. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc., Publishers 10 Industrial Avenue Mahwah, New Jersey 07430 Cover design by Kathryn Houghtaling Lacey Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data The state of affairs : explorations in infidelity and commitment / edited by Jean Duncombe ... [et al.]. p. cm. — (LEA's series on personal relationships) Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 0-8058-4457-0 (alk. paper) — ISBN 0-8058-4458-9 (pbk.: alk. paper) 1. Adultery. 2. Commitment (Psychology). 3. Marriage. 4. Couples. I. Duncombe, Jean, 1950- II. Series. HQ806.S82 2004 306.73'6—dc22 2003057396 Books published by Lawrence Erlbaum Associates are printed on acid-free paper, and their bindings are chosen for strength and durability. Printed in the United States of America 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 21 Contents Series Foreword vii Steve Duck, Series Editor Preface xi Kaeren Harrison and Dennis Marsden About the Contributors xxiii 1 Sex, Lies, and ... Transformation 1 Lise VanderVoort and Steve Duck 2 The Sociological Significance of Affairs 15 David H. ]. Morgan 3 Intimacy, Negotiated Nonmonogamy, and the Limits 35 of the Couple Lynn Jamieson 4 Communication and Marital Infidelity 59 Anita L. Vangelisti and Mandi Gerstenberger 5 Renaissance of Romanticism in the Era of Increasing 79 Individualism Osmo Kontula and Elina Haavio-Mannila 6 Men, Women, and Infidelity: Sex Differences in Extradyadic 103 Sex and Jealousy Bram P. Buunk and Pieternel Dijkstra 7 Being Unfaithful: His and Her Affairs 121 Graham Allan 8 "From Here to Epiphany...": Power and Identity 141 in the Narrative of an Affair Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden VI CONTENTS 9 A Different Affair? Openness and Nonmonogamy 167 in Same Sex Relationships Brian Heaphy, Catherine Donovan, and Jeffrey Weeks 10 Affairs and Children 187 Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden 11 The Role of Female Friends in the Management of Affairs 203 Kaeren Harrison References 223 Author Index 241 Subject Index 249 Series Foreword STEVE DUCK, Series Editor University of Iowa Since its inception, the Personal Relationships series from Lawrence Erl- baum Associates has sought to review the progress in the academic work on relationships with respect to a broad array of issues and to do so in an accessible manner that also illustrates its practical value. The LEA series already includes books intended to pass on the accumulated scholarship to the next generation of students and to those who deal with relationship issues in the broader world beyond the academy. The series, thus, com- prises not only monographs and other academic resources exemplifying the multi-disciplinary nature of this area, but also books suitable for use in the growing numbers of courses on relationships and in the growing number of professions that deal with relationship issues. The series has the goal of providing a comprehensive and current survey of theory and research in personal relationships through the careful analy- sis of the problems encountered and solved in research, yet it also con- siders the systematic application of that work in a practical context. These resources not only are intended to be comprehensive assessments of prog- ress on particular "hot" and relevant topics, but also have already shown that they are significant influences on the future directions and develop- ment of the study of personal relationships and application of its insights. Although each volume is focused, authors place their respective topics in the broader context of other research on relationships and within a range of wider disciplinary traditions. The series already offers incisive and forward-looking reviews and also demonstrates the broader theoretical implications of relationships for the range of disciplines from which the research originates. Collectively, the volumes include original studies, Vll Vlll SERIES FOREWORD reviews of relevant theory and research, and new theories oriented toward the understanding of personal relationships both in themselves and within the context of broader theories of family process, social psychology, and communication. Reflecting the diverse composition of personal relationship study, read- ers in numerous disciplines—social psychology, communication, soci- ology, family studies, developmental psychology, clinical psychology, per- sonality, counseling, women's studies, gerontology, and others—will find valuable and insightful perspectives in the series. Apart from the academic scholars who research the dynamics and pro- cesses of relationships, there are many other people whose work involves them in the operation of relationships in the real world. For such people as nurses, police, teachers, therapists, lawyers, drug and alcohol counselors, marital counselors, the priesthood, and those who take care of the elderly, a number of issues routinely arise concerning the ways in which relation- ships affect the people whom they serve and guide. Examples of these are: • The role of loneliness in illness and the ways to circumvent it • The complex impact of family and peer relationships upon a drug- dependent's attempts to give up the drug • The role of playground unpopularity on a child's learning • The issues involved in dealing with the relational side of chronic illness • The management of conflict in marriage • The establishment of good rapport between physicians and seriously ill patients • The support of the bereaved • The correction of violent styles of behavior in dating or marriage, and • The relationships formed between jurors in extended trials as these may influence a jury's decisions. Each of these is a problem that may confront some of these professionals as part of their daily concerns and each demonstrates the far-reaching influences of relationship processes in one's life that is presently theorized independently of relationship considerations. This volume deals with many aspects of affairs, and also extends the rel- evance of the series to ordinary folks and their relationships in everyday settings. As is indicated in the introduction by Harrison and Marsden, there is a disparity between the predominance of affairs on the one hand SERIES FOREWORD IX and the extent to which they have been studied academically on the other—whether within heterosexual marriages or other forms of exclusive partnerships. Affairs are clearly important life events for those who have them and yet their significance has led to very little attention in research and even less understanding in homosexual or heterosexual relationships. This volume begins to address that as shown in the book's title. Although there is currently little direct research on affairs, this book collects a wide range of different ideas and approaches from a variety of different source disciplines and countries. Chapters range from the theo- retical/literary review to the empirical and cover the broad nature of affairs (and their consequences on narratives of identity, aspirational myths of self-fulfillment, and Utopian symbolism) as well as the practical and socially direct consequences of affairs on children, and the complex balance of obligations and stresses experienced by network members who learn of affairs. Here, then, is a complex set of issues that pertains to a huge set of interpersonal, social, and cultural realities that can be enlightened by— and are of interest to—many different academic disciplines and theoretical frameworks. However, the book presents a larger canvas than the dis- quisitions of academics and demonstrates the fundamental issues of prac- tical management that face persons who engage in affairs. Such persons encounter personal and social moral dilemmas head on, and for them the consequences of renegotiating self-image are real rather than theoretical. For all of these reasons, this book is a landmark in both theoretical inter- est and practical relevance. It encapsulates and exemplifies the series' intent to address both sides of the issue and to demonstrate the ways in which research on relationships is not only inherently interesting but also has rel- evance to the lives of people living outside of academic institutions.

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This volume brings together contributions on the study of sexual affairs in committed personal relationships. The editors enlisted colleagues with varied theoretical and methodological perspectives from Britain, the United States, and other countries. Together, their contributions provide a broad, c
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