The Sleep Lady's good night, sleep tight : gentle proven solutions to help your child sleep well and wake up happy

472 Pages·2014·1.68 MB·English

by  West

The Sleep Lady®’s Good Night, Sleep
Tight
Gentle Proven Solutions to Help Your Child Sleep
Well and Wake Up Happy
Kim West LCSW-C with Joanne Kenen

The anecdotes included in this book are based on the real experiences of
individuals and families. In all cases, names and identifying characteristics have
been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.
The information and advice presented in this book have been reviewed by a
qualified pediatrician. It should not, however, substitute for the advice of your
family doctor or other trained health care professionals. You are advised to
consult with health care professionals with regard to all matters that may require
medical attention or diagnosis and to check with a physician before
administering or undertaking any course of treatment.
Copyright © 2010 by Kim West and Joanne Kenen First edition 2004, 2006;
revised edition 2010
Published by Vanguard Press A Member of the Perseus Books Group
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written
permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of America. For
information and inquiries, address Vanguard Press, 387 Park Avenue South,
12th Floor, New York, NY 10016, or call [phone].
Designed by Lisa Kreinbrink Set in 10-point Janson Text
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
West, Kim.
The sleep lady's good night, sleep tight : gentle proven solutions to help your
child sleep well and wake up happy / Kim West with Joanne Kenen. — Rev. ed.
p. cm. Includes index. ISBN 978-1-59315-558-2 (alk. paper)
1. Infants—Sleep. 2. Children—Sleep. I. Kenen, Joanne. II. Title.
RJ506.S55W47 2009 649'.122—dc22
2009036484
Vanguard Press books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases in the
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To Denise Drake, who helped me expand my vision of my work and encouraged
me years ago to become The Sleep Lady.
—Kim West
To Ken, Zach, and Ilan, who make my dreams sweet.
—Joanne Kenen
Acknowledgments
I want to thank Joanne Kenen for the thousands of hours she put into this book,
for hearing and conveying my voice, and for believing in The Sleep Lady
program. I
couldn’t have done this without her expertise, encouragement, and commitment.
Each of the families who have laughed, cried, and celebrated their struggles and
progress with me is central to this book. Thank you for letting me into your lives
and for allowing me to learn along with you.
My entire family has offered me extraordinary support, endless encouragement,
and a willing ear even when they were tired of hearing about sleep. A special
thank-you to my wonderful daughters, who were my first teachers of the gift of
sleep and who continue to teach me new things to this day.
Finally, thank you to Roger Cooper, David Wilk, Lottchen Shivers, and all of the
Vanguard team who believe in me and my message. Thank you to our editors,
Mary Bahr and Francine LaSala, for their patience, time, and enthusiasm for this
book.
—Kim West
I would like to thank Kim West for sharing her “Sleep Lady” secrets and
including me in this book project. In addition, my friends and colleagues—
including Deborah Zabarenko, Michael Arkus, Nancy Zuckerbrod, and my
mother, Regina Kenen—read and helped me improve sections of this
manuscript, as did our editor, Mary Bahr. Sylvia Stein and Andrew Nibley were
also great sounding boards. My husband, Ken, and my sons, Zach and Ilan,
graciously endured having a book-writing mom in the house. Finally, I want to
thank the dozens of moms and dads who found time in their busy lives to share
their stories and insights with me. We changed their names to protect privacy,
but I hope I remained true to their voices and experiences, and that through
them, other parents and children will find their own path to good nights.
—Joanne Kenen

Preface
Since the first edition of Good Night, Sleep Tight was published in 2004, I’ve
heard from thousands of grateful families from all over the world who have used
my Sleep Lady system to get their babies, toddlers, and preschoolers— as well
as themselves—to sleep. In this revised and updated edition, my goal is to make
it even easier for you.
I’ve updated the book to include the latest pediatric research on sleep safety,
pacifier use, and breastfeeding guidelines (and yes, you can breastfeed for as
long as you want and still have a family that sleeps at night). I’ve expanded
sections that parents have told me were the most difficult, including phasing out
nighttime feedings and that tricky transition when toddlers go from two naps to
one. I’ve given you more information on dealing with siblings’ sleep and added
some intriguing new findings on interpreting your newborn’s cries. I’ve included
new tips to help both Mom and Dad confidently bond with their baby and help
the baby form a healthy secure attachment to them. And I’m pleased that Helen
Garabedian let me share some bedtime poses from “Itsy Bitsy Yoga,” which I
think you’ll love as much as your children do. I’ve also added a section on
postpartum depression, which I hope all moms and dads and grandparents read.
It can help you recognize the warning signs of depression not just in yourself but
in friends and family members. And it tells you how to get help.
As I’ve worked with families over the years, one of the topics that always comes
up is whether to “cosleep” or “bedshare,” and if so, for how long. I’m supportive
of bedsharing, if it’s what you want and you do it safely. But I also know a lot of
families who end up with a baby in the bed not because they’ve chosen to
cosleep but because they just can’t figure out what else to do. So I give you
plenty of help if and when you want to stop bedsharing, and I also talk a lot (and
recommend to many of the families I work with one-on-one) about a middle
way, roomsharing. That means you’ll keep the infant in your room but in a
separate bed, literally at your fingertips if you want, for the first three to six
months. It makes night feeding easier, and may make you sleep better too if your
new little baby is right by your side.
If you’ve looked at other parenting sleep books, you’ll find that they usually
cover just the first few months or maybe the first year of life. You have to buy a
second book to cover the toddler and preschool years. I thought that was a little
second book to cover the toddler and preschool years. I thought that was a little
silly. First of all, many of you have more than one child: I didn’t want to make
you buy two books! Also, you may discover that even good sleepers may face
different sleep challenges as they move through childhood—when they switch
from two naps to one, or when they move from a crib to a bed, when you travel,
and when a baby brother or sister is born, to name a few common examples. And
not all children do everything on a precise schedule. One baby might hit a
developmental milestone at eleven months, and another baby who is just as
bright may hit it at thirteen months. Both are normal. But I didn’t want you
flipping through two books trying to figure out which one had the answer to your
particular problem. Of course, that means this book is long! With this edition, I
tried to make it easier for sleep-deprived parents to find the information they
need. You’ll find some easy reference boxes, tips, and lists—as well as some
adorable pictures from my readers! I hope it helps.
Even though I do cover ages from newborn to five years all in one volume, the
Sleep Lady system does have two distinct phases. In the first few months of life,
we concentrate on soothing techniques and establishing basic rhythms and
routines to help babies learn to sleep. It’s subtle but effective. For many infants,
this foundation will enable them to start going to sleep by themselves and
staying asleep all night between ages four and six months. Other babies may
need more intervention, and my Sleep Lady Shuffle provides a sleep-shaping
system that is structured but gentle. But the Shuffle is not designed for
newborns. Usually we don’t introduce it until about six months. Some parents
have had success with the Sleep Lady Shuffle with a healthy baby as early as
four months, but if it doesn’t work that early, please don’t give up. Keep
following the steps I recommend for four-or five-month-old babies, and try the
Shuffle again if you need to at six months. Always check with your baby’s
doctor before beginning any sleep-training system.
One last—absolutely essential—thought. You know how in real estate it’s all
about location, location, location? Well, in parenting it’s all about consistency,
consistency, consistency. That’s especially true for sleep. Take a little bit of time
to familiarize yourself with my philosophy and my system. And when you are
ready to start putting it into action, you need to do so consistently. Inconsistency
is not kinder to your child; it is confusing to your child. Instead of minimizing
tears, you risk maximizing tears if your child does not know what to expect or
what is expected of him. That’s not what we want. If you can’t be consistent at
certain times, have your spouse or partner take over. Find another parent to be
your sleep buddy, and get on the phone every morning and keep each other on
your sleep buddy, and get on the phone every morning and keep each other on
track, the way you might if you were starting a diet or exercise program.
Research has shown that whatever sleep system you choose—and although I
hope you choose mine I know you have a lot of alternatives—consistency is the
single biggest factor in success.
Sleep tight, Kim West, LCSW-C “The Sleep Lady”
www.sleeplady.com
Foreword to the First Edition
My favorite part of the title to Kim West and Joanne Kenen’s book Good Night,
Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady’s Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep,
Stay Asleep, and Wake Up Happy (first edition) is the word gentle. The book is
gently worded, gentle on the reader’s heart, and gentle to implement. For all the
parents who have lost countless hours of sleep trying the tough-love approach of
letting the baby cry it out, this book comes as a wonderful, informative reprieve.
My own son, who is now eighteen years old, had colic as a baby. I nursed him to
sleep, and either my husband or I held him all the time. During the first several
years of his life I wondered what I was doing wrong. Dr. Richard Ferber had just
written Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, and I was persuaded to try his cry-
it-out approach. My son cried so long and hard the first night that he lost his
voice. After a week, he did sleep better, but I was wracked with guilt. I wish I
had been able to use Kim West’s approach back then.
I have been in private pediatric practice for eighteen years, during which time I
have noticed that the pace of daily life for most parents has dramatically
increased. Not coincidentally, I have seen a marked rise in sleep difficulties in
babies and children as the pressures of their parents’ busy schedules impact their
routine. While there are many books on this issue, most of them take a very firm
cry-it-out approach that, in my experience, leaves parents emotionally exhausted
and filled with guilt. I have been looking for a definitive how-to book on sleep
that I can recommend without reservation. Good Night, Sleep Tight is that book
—one that will serve as a manual to both parents and medical practitioners.
Good Night, Sleep Tight addresses a wide range of sleep issues for children
through age five. Each age-specific chapter provides guidelines for creating a
schedule and implementing change but also invites the parents to tailor the
program for their child and their lifestyle. Real-life examples from families
helped by Kim West illustrate the program’s practical steps and offer
encouragement to the reader. And, unlike most authors of books on sleep, Kim
West and Joanne Kenen are mothers who share not only their professional
expertise but their personal experiences as well.
As a community pediatrician, I give advice about feeding, development, safety,
immunization, and behavioral issues at each checkup. Many of the concerns
immunization, and behavioral issues at each checkup. Many of the concerns
parents want to discuss stem from their child’s need for sleep. A parent recently
came in with a ten month old who was teething and up all night for nights on
end. The mother was fearful that her baby was in severe pain. After a full exam,
it was clear that the infant needed a regular sleep schedule. I discussed Kim
West’s approach and explained why many of the crying spells were related to
sleep deprivation. She was relieved to learn how to effectively soothe her baby
and delighted to discover that the cry-it-out approach was not her only option. I
have sent many families to see Kim West in her private practice and am looking
forward to recommending this book to many more.
—Faith A. Hackett, M.D. Fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics
Courtesy Staff Physician, Johns Hopkins Hospital Staff Physician, Anne
Arundel Medical Center