The Shaolin Way: 10 Modern Secrets of Survival from a Shaolin Grandmaster

270 Pages·2005·2.21 MB·English

by  Steve DeMasco

THE SHAOLIN WAY

T M S
EN ODERN ECRETS
S
OF URVIVAL FROM
S G
A HAOLIN RANDMASTER
Steve DeMasco

with Alli Joseph
To the people who have majorly influenced my life, in the
order in which they came into my life.
My Mom, Carol G. DeMasco, the true Shaolin Disciple.
Vinny Vecchionne, my boxing trainer, mentor, and the
person who kept me in school.
Paul Newman, the most generous, kind, and inspirational
person I have ever met.
President William J. Clinton, for all your faith and
encouragement, and for making me feel that I was important
to you and our country.
Barry Mawn, one of the true heroes of 9/11. Thank you for
your friendship and allowing me to be part of the greatest law
enforcement agency in the world, the Federal Bureau of
Investigation.
My wife, Kelly; and my boys, Michael, Nicco, and Gianni—
my inspiration for the rest of my life!
It will all be okay in the end.
If it’s not okay,
it’s not the end.
—ANONYMOUS
CONTENTS

Foreword by Abbott Shi Yongxin,
China Songshang Shaolin Temple . . . . XI
Introduction: The Myth of the Mountain . . . . XIII
1.
SURVIVAL IS NOT ENOUGH ....1
2
Are You Living to Live or Living to Die? . . . .
5
The 80/20 Technique . . . .
7
The Joyous Life . . . .
10
Growing out of Surviving and into Living . . . .
2.
FOCUS + DISCIPLINE = ACCOMPLISHMENT ....1 7
21
Distractions on the Road . . . .
26
Thirty Years of Focus, One Day to Prove It . . . .
32
The Art of Discipline . . . .
32
Monk for a Minute . . . .
34
Activity versus Accomplishment . . . .
37
Discipline at Any Age . . . .
CONTENTS

vii
3.
SELF-WORTH COMES FROM
SELF-EXAMINATION ....4 1
Making Up for What You Think You Lack, and Knowing
43
What You Have . . . .
45
Sara and the Training of a Shaolin Disciple . . . .
48
Stop Trying to Fit In . . . .
50
The Age of Low Self-Esteem . . . .
52
The Bully and the Master . . . .
54
Gaining Perspective . . . .
56
The Problem of Ego . . . .
58
The Ego Germ . . . .
60
Your Fluctuating Self-Worth . . . .
62
Failing, Again . . . .
65
The Monk in the Mirror . . . .
68
Wrapped Up in Ourselves . . . .
4.
EVEN IN WEAKNESS,THERE IS STRENGTH ....7 1
75
Yin and Yang . . . .
77
Fear, Weakness, and Control . . . .
80
Strong Steps on the Road . . . .
85
Big but Weak . . . .
5.
VICTIMS AREN’T BORN,THEY’RE BRED ....8 9
90
Taking Responsibility . . . .
93
Ultimate Victimization . . . .
95
I Feel Like a Victim, but Am I Being Victimized? . . . .
CONTENTS
viii
97
The Conscious Car-Deal Victim . . . .
98
What You Give Out, You Get Back . . . .
100
Setting Myself Up to Nosedive . . . .
105
Victims Aren’t Born, They’re Bred . . . .
108
Making Mistakes Until You Get It Right . . . .
109
Changing the Pattern . . . .
6.
ANGER IS WASTED ENERGY ....1 13
114
The Choice of Anger . . . .
118
Anger Is a Warning Sign . . . .
120
Anger’s Best Friend, Conflict . . . .
125
Do Monks Get Angry? . . . .
128
Diffusing Anger . . . .
7.
DO UNTO OTHERS ....131
131
Leaving Three Sides of the Net Open . . . .
133
“Practicing” Compassion . . . .
135
Compassion Without Attachment . . . .
137
The Beaten Dog . . . .
139
Compassion for the Long Haul . . . .
141
My Friend Vinnie . . . .
144
Learning How to Love . . . .
149
Stop Bullshitting Yourself . . . .
152
Looking at the Roots to Save the Branches . . . .
152
The Compassionate Parent . . . .
155
Relationships Are Hard Work . . . .