The Role of Parents in the Character Development of Children: A Church Based Training Program

2011·115.8 MB·English

by  STEPHEN P. SCHEIBNER

THE ROLE OF PARENTS IN THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN:
A CHURCH BASED TRAINING PROGRAM
A THESIS
SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF
GORDON-CONWELL THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY
IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE
DOCTOR OF MINISTRY
BY
STEPHEN P. SCHEIBNER
MAY 2011
Copyright © 2011 by Stephen P. Scheibner. All Rights Reserved.
To my loving and devoted wife Megan and our eight wonderful children Katie, Peter,
Emma, Molly, Nate, Baleigh, Stephen, and Taylor. Without your testimonies of faith in
Christ this project would not be possible.
To God be The Glory!
CONTENTS
ABSTRACT
CHAPTER
1. Introduction
2. A Biblical And Theological Defense 15
3. Literature Review 38
4. Research Methods and Findings 71
5. Outcomes, Conclusions, and Recommendations 91
APPENDIX
A. PARENTING MATTERS: Raising The Next Generation of 101
Character Healthy Children (Syllabus)
B. CHARACTER MATTERS: The Nine Practices of 182
Character Healthy Youth (Syllabus)
C. Parenting Matters Follow-up Research (Questionnaire) 233
BIBLIOGRAPHY 236
VITA 240
ABSTRACT
Considering the steady moral decline in late modern America the need for a Bible
based, thorough, and systematic approach to parenting has become of paramount
importance. With this need in mind the Nine Practices of The Proactive Parent was
developed to address the moral vacuum caused by the lack of a comprehensive character-
driven approach to parenting. This writers observations were gleaned from personal
experience, interaction with parents through counseling, teaching opportunities, and in-
depth study of well-known parenting experts.
As a result, the Nine Practices of The Proactive Parent was developed and
implemented with positive results. These results were gathered and calculated through
post-course critiques and follow-on counseling. The results have been of consistent high
quality. As parents developed a higher level of character-health in their own lives, the
resulting impact was more recognizable character-health in their children. As groups of
parents implemented the principles together, the resulting outcome was character-healthy
families, churches, and developing communities.
CHAPTER ONE
INTRODUCTION
In 1998, Tom Brokaw introduced his best selling book “The Greatest
Generation.”' In this book, he detailed the conflict that shaped the World War II
generation. Theirs was a struggle against flesh and blood that spanned the globe, and
without their sacrifice the twentieth century might have looked vastly different. They
seemed to be selfless individuals who had the highest regard for moral decency and
though some at the time questioned if they had the moral fiber to defeat the Axis, in the
final analysis, they did. They stood against tyranny and stood for honor, courage, and
commitment, but where did they develop such moral fortitude? Was their character
developed on the battlefield or was it simply revealed and refined there? What was
present in their character development that now seems to be missing in the character
education of children today? What role did their parents play in their character
development? What role does the church play in assisting parents to raise children with
moral and ethical fortitude? In postmodern America is it even possible for parents, and
the church, to shape the character of children and young adults? In other words, what will
it take to shape the next greatest generation?
In 1999, only one year after the release of Mr. Brokaw’s book, the nation was
stunned by the actions of two morally bankrupt youths in Littleton, Colorado. Two
assassins stalked Columbine High School, randomly killing teachers and fellow students
alike, propelled by the rush of voyeuristic sadism. Sadly, school shootings have become
' Tom Brokaw, The Greatest Generation (New York: Random House, 1998).
so common today that the general public doesn’t even notice if and when they make the
news, begging the question, what has happened to make us so aloof? Events like the
Columbine massacre, serve to highlight the steep moral decline that has taken place since
the 1940’s. Rapidly declining standards present a problem for us today in America. Has
the Christian family become like the frog in the pot, unaware that the slowly rising
temperature is about to cook them alive? Ultimately, Christian parents must ask the
question: what will the next generation look like and who, or what, will shape that
generation?
In 2008, world financial markets collapsed and bellwethers such as Bear Stearns
and Lehman Brothers disappeared. The unthinkable was happening right before
everyone’s eyes. Retirement nest eggs, 401(k)s, and property values plummeted. The
only fiscal category seemingly left untouched was executive bonuses. Collectively, the
world was getting a glimpse at what the present generation looks like, the children and
grandchildren of the World War II generation.
In 2010, moral and ethical indifference abound. In his new book Revolutionary
Parenting, George Barna details the problem. His research shows that only one in three
Christian children are biblically literate, only one in five share their faith with others, and
not even half state that their religious faith is very important in their lives. Parents are to
blame, according to Barna,
In addition, consider that fewer than one out of every five parents of young
children believe they are doing a good job of training their children morally
and spiritually. In fact, when we asked a national sample of adults with
children under eighteen to rate their parenting performance on fifteen
different indicators, we discovered that parents ranked their efforts related to
morality and spirituality at the bottom of the list. What does all of this add
up to? A Crisis.”
The world has seen the collapse of global financial markets, swelling
unemployment, bankruptcies and foreclosures, and out-of-control government spending
seemingly propelled by greed, lust, arrogance and irresponsibility. The problem of
declining moral standards, according to many, has reached crisis proportions. The world
today is vastly different from the 1940s’ world that spawned the last greatest generation,
yet we find ourselves in a situation similar to theirs. The 1920s were a decade of
excesses, seemingly propelled by greed, lust, arrogance, and irresponsibility, followed by
the financial collapse and the Great Depression of the 1930s. However, faced with huge
cultural obstacles, the parents of that era managed to instill high standards of virtue into
their children, setting the stage for the crucible of the1940s. Today, parents face
monumental obstacles of global proportion, which only serve to underscore the need for
the next greatest generation. Morally upright and ethically empowered behavior has never
been more important than it is today, just ask the former employees of Enron, Tyco, or
Lehman Brothers. Like that of the World War II generation, the current struggle is not
against uniformed militias alone, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the
world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly
places (Ephesians 6:12). Like the World War II generation, the battlefield for today’s
youth is also spiritual, the enemy is supernatural, and the weapons to combat the enemy
are moral in nature. The next generation will have to be morally strong, spiritually solid
and biblically competent. So, who will train the next greatest generation of character-
healthy leaders? For the purposes of this paper, character-healthy leaders will be defined
2 George Barna, Revolutionary Parenting (Carol Stream: BarnaBooks, 2007), 8-10.
as that young adult who is consistently characterized by demonstrating behavior
congruent with all nine of the biblical character marks that will be detailed later in this
chapter.
It is this writer’s contention that the burden and responsibility for this training
falls to parents of every stripe. Christian parents especially, must shape the character of
their own children. Romans 12:2 reminds parents that the fundamental questions of life
must be redefined to meet biblical standards, “And do not be conformed to this world, but
be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is good and
acceptable and perfect.” Sadly, some young parents face a glaring need to be introduced
to those important questions of life that seem to have been tossed aside in today’s
feelings driven world. Recognizing their own moral bankruptcy is an important first step
for most parents who desire to raise the moral standard in their own homes. In order to
understand the need, parents must learn to ask the right questions. Too often, they ask the
wrong questions, listen poorly to the answers, and act impetuously on that bad data. For
instance, many parents have missed the subtle shift in the American culture over the past
forty years. Young people are asking different questions these days, not just expressing
the same old questions in their own slang like previous generations. Since World War II,
the basic question of life has changed from why? to why not?. David Wells describes the
shift this way,
The moral axis in life has collapsed and has been replaced by the
assumption that each person must be his or her own person, must pursue
one’s uniqueness, must realize oneself, must make of oneself what one can,
and must buy whatever will bring him or her to these ends... This
transformation has gathered momentum since the 1970’s and it is now what
characterizes our public discussion. The “public display of one’s wrongs,
> All Biblical citations are taken from the NASB unless otherwise indicated.
one’s pitiableness, one’s misfortunes, which would have seemed shameful,
ignoble, even disgusting before World War II, became in the 1970’s the
distinctive American style.*
Wells goes on to explain that the shift in the American moral landscape during the
past forty years has manifested itself in such a way that the majority of Americans are no
longer concerned with why something is the way it is, or why a person should behave a
certain way. The new moral landscape has each individual concerned exclusively with
the notion of “what’s in it for me?” Why not? is the new refrain of the postmodern
American. After all, if it feels good...do it. This shift is profound. It is this writer’s
observation, that most people are asking the why not? question in these times. While
some American parents and young people continue secking the answer to the why?
questions of life, far too many have crossed over. These two questions could not be more
diametrically opposed. This talking at cross-purposes has created confusion at work,
home, and in our communities.
I once worked for a Navy Captain who was in charge of about 2500 personnel,
and I was an executive on his staff. One day, I was in the Captain’s office discussing a
project we were working on together, when I noticed he looked visibly discouraged. I
inquired, and he confirmed my suspicions. He went on to tell me about two service
members that he fired earlier in the day. It seems that this young married couple were the
parents of a nine-month old child, whom they decided to leave unattended while they
went out to dinner and shopping. Once the parents left for the evening, the child began to
cry. The crying became so loud, that the neighbors knocked on the door, only to learn
that no adult was at home. After a forced entry, the fire department, police department
* David F. Wells, Above All Earthly Powers: Christ in a Postmodern World (Grand
Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 2005), 52.