The Rant Zone: An All-Out Blitz Against Soul-Sucking Jobs, Twisted Child Stars, Holistic Loons, and People Who Eat Their Dogs! PDF
Preview The Rant Zone: An All-Out Blitz Against Soul-Sucking Jobs, Twisted Child Stars, Holistic Loons, and People Who Eat Their Dogs!
An All-Out Blitz Against Soul-Sucking Jobs, Twisted Child Stars, Holistic Loons & People Who Eat Their Dogs! D E N N I S M I L L E R Contents Child Stars MIKEY HATES IT! 1 ’50s Television A GOLDEN SHOWER OF PRAISE FOR TV 5 Women in Sports JOCKS WITHOUT CUPS 9 Alt.Medicine GINGKO, SHMINKO! 13 Lousy Jobs MINIMUM WAGES OF SIN 17 Revenge I JUST CALLED TO SAY “FUCK OFF” 21 God HIGH AND MIGHTY PISSED 25 iv CONTENTS Patriotism OF THEE I SNARL 29 The Penis SCHLONG’S DAY JOURNEY INTO NIGHT 31 Man’s Dark Side SATAN’S LITTLE HELPERS 35 Education SCHOOLS FOR SCANDAL 39 Friendship PAL DENNY 43 Elvis MEMPHIS SLIM . . . OR FAT 45 Female President ANYTHING HE CAN DO, SHE CAN DO BETTER 49 Insurance Companies A PREMIUM SCREWING 53 Auto Shopping THAT NEW-CAR STENCH 57 Big Government TIME TO TIGHTEN THE BELTWAY 61 Travel ALL THE DISCOMFORTS OF HOME 65 The Sopranos MOB RULES 69 CONTENTS v Horror Movies FREDDIE GETS THE FINGER 73 Rage MAD AS HELL AND NOT GOING TO FAKE IT ANYMORE! 77 The English Language ME TALK REAL GOOD 81 Show Business HOLLYWOOD AND VAIN 85 Intolerance TWELVE MILLION ANGRY MEN 89 Music Business A SOUND DIVESTMENT 93 The Clintons IS HE GONE YET? 97 Shrinks PSYCHIATRIC COUCH POTATOES 101 Credit/Debt BET YOU CAN’T BORROW JUST ONE 105 Hipsters GOOD-BYE, COOL, COOL WORLD 109 Extreme Sports DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME . . . WE REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME 113 vi CONTENTS Media /Privacy UP NEXT: YOUR COLONOSCOPY ON 20/20! 117 Buying Stocks TIPS FOR INVESTING IN A BULLSHIT MARKET 121 Reality Shows SURVIVING SURVIVOR 125 Tobacco Industry WHERE THERE’S SMOKE, THERE’S PROFIT 129 TV Ads LIFE IS A PITCH 133 Crime and Punishment HE GOT THE SOFA . . . AND THE CHAIR 137 Death THE BIG SNOOZE 141 Civil Disobedience TO THE BARRICADES . . . IN SUVs 145 The Energ y Crisis CALIFORNIA REAMIN’ 149 Anxiety DON’T PANIC . . . OOPS, YOU’RE RIGHT, PANIC 153 Bureaucracy LIVING AND DYING IN TRIPLICATE 157 CONTENTS vii Marriage WEDDING DISS 161 Why Football Has Replaced Baseball as the National Pastime “WELL, ISN’T IT OBVIOUS?” 165 The Super Bowl “THE MAIN EVENT” 169 The XFL WRESTLING WITH YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS 173 Fans YOU’RE NO. 1! YOU’RE NO. 1! 179 Sports Talk FIRST-TIME CALLER, LONG-TIME RANTER 183 Sex in D.C. JUST THE TIP OF THE VICE-BERG 189 Remorse EVERYBODY’S GUILTY . . . EXCEPT O.J. 193 Acknowledgments About the Author Other Books by Dennis Miller Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher
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