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The Possibility Of Resurrection And Other Essays In Christian Apologetics PDF

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The Possibility of Resurrection and Other Essays in Christian Apologetics Peter van Inwagen = WestviewPress ADivisionofHarperCollinsPublishers L· To mystepchildren Noel, Eamon, and Claire Lawless Allrightsreserved.PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica.Nopartofthispublicationmaybe reproduced ortransmitted inanyform orbyany means, electronicormechanical,including photocopy,recording,oranyinformationstorageandretrievalsystem,withoutpermissionin writingfromthepublisher. Copyright©1998byWestviewPress,ADivisionofHarperCollinsPublishers,Inc. Publishedin 1998intheUnitedStatesofAmerica byWestviewPress, 5500CentralAvenue, Boulder, Colorado 80301-2877, and in the United Kingdom by Westview Press, 12 Hid's CopseRoad,CumnorHill,Oxford0X29J] LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData Vanlnwagen,Peter. ThepossibilityofresurrectionandotheressaysinChristian apologetics/PeterVanlnwagen. p. cm. Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex. ISBN0-8133-2731-8(cloth) 1.Apologetics. 2.Philosophicaltheology. I.Title. BTll05.V36 1998 239-dc21 97-17602 CIP ThepaperusedinthispublicationmeetstherequirementsoftheAmericanNationalStandard forPermanenceofPaperforPrintedLibraryMaterialsZ39.48-1984. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 Contents Preface IX I !>"'~ 1 QuamDilecta 1 2 "ItIsWrong, Everywhere,Always, ,- andforAnyone, to BelieveAnything ~ ..;. uponInsufficientEvidence" 29 3 ThePossibilityofResurrection 45 r' 4 DualismandMaterialism:AthensandJerusalem? 53 5 Probabilityand Evil 69 f- 6 Of"OfMiracles" 89 7 AreviewofWithoutProoforEvidence: EssaysofO.K.Bouwsma, editedandwithan introduction by].1. Craftand RonaldE. Hustwit 105 8 AreviewofUniverses, byJohn Leslie 111 Index 117 . ; ~ : vii Preface Severalyearsago, Ipublishedsomeofmyessays on philosophicaltheology ina bookcalled God, Knowledge, andMystery. Inafootnote inthat book, I mentioned several essays on religious topics that, for one reason or an other, Ihad not included. Spencer Carr, who was at that time the editorial directoratWestviewPress,waskindenoughtosuggestthattheessaysmen tioned in thatfootnote might themselves make a book-provided an origi nalessaywereaddedtotheirnumber. Thisisthat book.Theessay "Of'OfMiracles'" appearshereforthefirst time. The essay "Probability and Evil" is an extensive revision of parts of an essay called "Reflections on the Essays of Draper, Gale, and Russell," which appeared in Daniel Howard-Snyder, ed., The Evidential Argument from Evil (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1996), pp. 219-243. Someinformationand afewcommentsonthe otheressaysfollow. "QuamDilecta" appearedinThomasV.Morris,ed., GodandthePhiloso phers (NewYork: OxfordUniversityPress, 1994),pp. 31-60.This bookisa collection of "personal statements" byvarious Christian philosophers. Iam often asked whatthe titleofthe essaymeans. 'Quamdilecta'-'howlovely'; in The Book ofCommon Prayer 'how amiable'-are the first two words of SaintJerome'svulgatetranslationofPsalm84.Itis·asortofnicknameforthe psalm: In liturgical churches, a psalm is often designated bythe first two or three words ofJerome's translation. Icouldnotthink ofan appropriate title for the essay, and because Ihad used a quotation from Psalm 84 as an epi graph,Iput "QuamDilecta" atthe headofthemanuscripttill Icouldthink ofsomethingelse.Eventually, "QuamDilecta" becamethetitle. '''ItIsWrong, Everywhere,Always, andfor Anyone, to BelieveAnything upon Insufficient Evidence'" appeared inJeffJordan and Daniel Howard Snyder, eds., Faith, Freedom, and Rationality (Lanham, Md.: Rowman & Littlefield, 1996), pp. 137-153. (Faith, Freedom, and Rationality is a festschrift for William Rowe. The essay was originally written for the ChapelHillPhilosophy Colloquium, where itwas presentedinthe autumn of1994.) "The Possibility ofResurrection" appeared in the InternationalJournal for Philosophy ofReligion9 (1978): 114-121.Ithas beenreprintedinPaul Edwards, ed., Immortality (New York: Macmillan, 1992) and in Louis P. Pojman, ed., Philosophy ofReligion: An Anthology (2nd ed.) (Belmont, IX x Preface Calif.: Wadsworth, 1993). This is the only essay in this book that was not written from a Christian perspective. Nevertheless, Icontinue to accept its Chapter One essential point. I have, however, added a postscript that contains some qualificationsI nowthinkare important. "Dualism and Materialism: Athens and Jerusalem?" appeared in Faith and Philosophy 12 (1995): 475-488. This essay was written for a confer ence on Christianity and the philosophy ofmind thatwas held at the Uni Quam Dilecta versityofNotre Dame in the autumnof1995. The remaining two "essays" are actually book reviews. I include them because in each ofthem I make what I believe are substantive points that are interestingindependentlyofthe contentofthe books underreview. The review of O. K. Bouwsma's Without Proofor Evidence appeared in Faith and Philosophy 4 (1987): 103-108. The review ofJohn Leslie's Universes appeared in FaithandPhilosophy 10 (1993): 439-443. Yea, the sparrow hath found heran house, and the swallow a nest, I thanktheeditorsand publishersofthe booksand journalsinwhichthe where she may lay her young; even thy altars, 0 Lord ofHosts, my essays were originallypublishedfor permissiontoreprintthem. . KingandmyGod. Theessaysare,asthesubtitleofthe booksays,essaysinChristianapolo -Ps.84:3 getics. They are defenses ofone aspectoranotherofChristian beliefinthe face ofintellectualattack. This, atany rate, is true, in the moststraightfor wardsensepossible,ofChapters1,2,3,5,and6. Chapter4 ("Dualismand Materialism: Athens and Jerusalem?") and the two reviews are apologetic I in amore indirectway: They are not responses to anyone's attackonsome Christian belief, but-or so I should like to think-they make points that Three of my grandparents were unchurched Protestants, and one (my fa couldincertaincontextsbe usefulindefending Christianbelief. ther's mother) a devout Roman Catholic. As a consequence, my mother The essays are very much the work ofa philosopher. Anyone who is fa was,andis,notmuchofachurchgoer,andmyfatherwasalapsedCatholic miliar with the current philosophicalscenewill seeeasily enoughthat they with pretty strong feelings on the subject-an enthusiastic reader of Paul employ intellectual tools whose use comes naturally to anyone who has Blanshard and similar authors. When I was seven, my parents briefly sent been (asIhave been)trained in "analytical" philosophyandwho hasspent me to a Presbyterian Sunday school. Our lessons were from a little text most of his adult life using them (and not the tools ofthe theologian, the bookwith the excellenttitle The KingNobody Wanted, which Istill occa historian, or the scientist) in his attempts to get clear about things. Never sionally come across in secondhand bookshops. I recall learning that we theless, the essays are mostly not very technical. The reader who has not Christians believedthatJesuswasthe Messiahand thattheJews didnot. (I beenformally trainedinphilosophywillprobablynotbeabletomakevery rememberwishing thatIcouldhavea chanceto tell theJewsaboutJesus; I much of"ProbabilityandEvil" andwillfind "Of'OfMiracles'" onlymar wassurethattheywould bereasonableabout his messianicstatus ifsome ginally less difficult. The remaining essays can be read by those without onewereto informthem ofit.) specialphilosophicaltraining. Imustalso haveabsorbedthe idea thatJesuswas theSonofGod, for, af ter my family had joined a Unitarian congregation, my father sternly in Petervan Inwagen formed me (presumably in response to some casual theological remark of mine) that we Unitarians did not believe that Jesus was the Son of God. Well, I was shocked. I had thought that everyone believed that (except, of course,theJews, butitwasprettyclearthatUnitariansweren'tJews). Ihave amemoryofwalking througha hallwayatmyschool-1thinkwe'vegotto about agethirteen-andsayingdefiantlyto myself, "Ican believethatJesus is the Son ofGod ifIwant to." I must have been wanting in what Roman 1 2 QuamDilecta Quam Dilecta 3 Catholic theologians used to call heroic faith, however, for I was soon When Iwas a graduate student, I began to read the apologetic works of enoughagood littleUnitarianhoy. IlearnedinSundayschoolthatthe feed C.S. Lewis.Therewere (underGod) two reasonsfor this. First,Ihadloved ing ofthe multitudes was.really a miracle ofsharing and how much more his "spacetrilogy," andIwaslookingfor"more Lewis." Secondly, Irecog miraculous that was than a magical multiplication of loaves and fishes nized him as a master of expository prose and thought-rightly-that I would havebeenifithadoccurred,whichofcourseithadn't. (Twentyyears couldlearnagreatdealfrom himabouttheartofexpressingalineofargu later, in the early 1970s,Peter Geachtold me howshocked he had recently mentin English. Like manyotherpeople, Ifirst discovered what Christian beento hearthesamestoryfrom aRoman Catholicpriest. Iwasable totell itywasfrom readingLewis. Thediscoverywaspurelyexternal, amatterof himthattheUnitad,mswereatleasttwentyyearsaheadofRome.) beingable to use the rightwords when talking about "Christianity," butit My attachmentto Unitarianism (and its three pillars: the Fatherhood of was nosmallgain to have a correctexternal understanding ofChristianity. God, the Brotherhood ofMan, and the Neighborhood ofBoston) did not IsawthatthepictureIhad beengivenofChristianity bymyUnitarianSun survivemygoingawaytocollege.Thatsortofthingis,ofcourse,afamiliar dayschoolteachersandvariousteachersofphilosophy (nogreatdifference storyinevery denomination, butit's an easierpassagefor Unitarians, since there) was self-serving, frivolous, and wildly inaccurate. I saw that Chris it does not involve giving up any beliefs. My wife, who is one ofmy most tianity was a serious thing and intellectually at a very high level. (I was useful critics, tells me thatthis is an unkind remark and ought to be omit thinking, of course, in terms of propositions and distinctions and argu ted. Itseemsto meto beanimportantthingtosay, however. Ididnotexpe ments.) Ilostatthattime,andforgood,anycapacityfor takinganyliberal rience the crisis of consciences0 common among Evangelical or Roman ized or secularized version of Christianity seriously. I could read Lewis. I Catholicuniversitystudentswholeavethe Church.Andthereasonisthatif couldtry to read Harvey Cox orWilliam Hamilton. Icould see the differ Evangelicals or Roman Catholics stop going to church, itis hard for them ence.To thisday, Icannotseewhyanyonedisagreeswithmyjudgmentthat to avoid the question how they can justify not going to churchwhen they academic theologians oftheir stripe have nothing ofinterest to say. I have believe what they do-if, indeed, loss of belief was not their reason for to admit, however, that some very learned people do disagree with this leaving the Church. Itis, however, simply a fact that a Unitariancan sever judgment. his connectionwithUnitarianismwithoutchangingany ofhis beliefs. The onlything was, Ididn't believe it. Icould seethat there was an "it" Ifyou hadaskedmeaboutmyreligious beliefswhenIwasanundergrad to believe,and ifIdidnotreallyseehowmuch therewasto beinga Christ uateoragraduatestudent(aperiodthatcoveredroughlythe 1960s),Isup ian beyond having certain beliefs, Idid see that the beliefs must come first poseIshouldhavesaidIwasanagnostic,although therewasa briefperiod and that a Christian life without those beliefs is an impossibility. One day when Iwas ingraduate school duringwhich-under the influence ofsome in the late 1960s,I fell to my knees and prayed for faith, but faith did not version or otherofthe Argumentfrom Evil-Ishould probablyhave said I come. I do not know what led me to make this gesture, but presumably was an atheist. This was a position ofthe head, not the heart, however: It there must have been some sort offelt pressure, and presumably this pres had no more connection with my emotional life than, say, my belief (also sure did not long continue. Iexpectthat I had been setting God some sort briefly held in graduate school) that Quine had shown that quantified oftest: Ifyou don't give mefaith on thespot, I'llconcludethat you do not modal logicwas impossible. Myemotional lifein the late 1960s,insofaras exist or are not interested in me and that these pressures I've been feeling Ihad one, hadentirelyto do with the concerns ofeverydaylife-although, have some sort of purely natural explanation and can be ignored till they to be sure, everyday life for a graduate studentin philosophyis a little dif goaway. Weall knowhowwell thatsortofthingworks. ferent from the everyday life of most people. A very important feature of Imarried,spenttwoyears inthearmy(attheheightoftheAmericanmil my life as a graduate student was a growingconviction that I was a better itary involvement in Vietnam; but I was safe in Germany), became the fa philosopherthananyofmyfellowgraduatestudentsandmostofmyteach ther ofa daughter, and begantoteach philosophy. Iwas entirely immersed ers. Vanity in this area-wounded vanity, because little attention was paid in the secular world: Sunday was my day of rest and my day of nothing to me orto mywork duringthe earlyyears ofmycareer-was adominant else. Although Icontinuedto be interestedin Christianityin an intellectual feature ofmyinnerlifeinthe 1970s.(Professionalvanitymaywellcontinue sort ofway, it would no more have occurred to me to take up churchgo to dominate my innerlife, butitwould beharderfor me to tell these days, ing-evenas anexperiment-thanto takeup hang-glidingor bookbinding. since Inow feel, rightly or wrongly, that my philosophicaltalents are ade In1973Ispentsixdelightfulweeksonthe campusofCalvin College atthe quately recognized by the profession. Wounded vanity is a rather more National Endowmentfor the Humanities Summer Institute in the Philoso- salientfeature ofone's innerlifethanself-satisfiedvanity.) .phyofReligion,which was directed byAlvin Plantinga. Asfar as Iam able 4 Quam Dilecta QuamDilecta 5 to tell byintrospectionand memory, this had nothing to with my religious Ishalltryto describethreeofthese "episodesofthought." First,Icanre development, although it had agreatdeal to do with myphilosophical de member having a picture ofthe cosmos, the physical universe, as a self velopment. (plantinga's lectures-which covered roughly the same ground subsistentthing, something that is just there and requires no explanation. as his book The Nature ofNecessity-became for me a model for doing When Isay "havinga picture," Iamtryingto describea stateofmind that philosophy.) Besides myfamily, my only interests were philosophy and my could be called up wheneverIdesired and which centeredround a certain career in philosophy. Perhapsmy former wife and my daughter would say mental image. This mental image-it somehow represented the whole that the qualification "besides my family" is unnecessary. I certainly was world-was associated with a felt conviction that what the image repre taken up both with my researches and my desire to be recognized and ad sentedwas self-subsistent. Icanstillcallthe imageto mind (I think it's the mired. Myresearches, Ithink,wentverywell indeed, butIhaunted myde same image), and it still represents the whole world, but it is now associ partmental mailbox mostlyin vain and was subject to frequent periods of atedwithafeltconvictionthatwhatitrepresentsisnotself-subsistent,that depression andspasmsofangerbecauseofmylackofprofessionalrecogni it must depend on something else, something not represented by any fea tion. The angerwasdirectedatcertain ofmyformerteachers (themorefa ture of the image, and which must be, in some way that the experience mous ones) who, I'believed, were in a position to advance my career and leavesindeterminate,radicallydifferentinkindfromwhattheimagerepre yetweredoingnothingforme. Ibelievedthattheyjustdidn'tseehowgood sents. Interestingly enough, there was a period oftransition, a period dur I was and wasted theirinfluence in advancing the careers of people who ing which Icould move back and forth at will, in "duck-rabbit" fashion, were lessgoodthan1. (Iwasnever jealousofthese otherpeople, onlyenvi betweenexperiencingtheimageasrepresentingtheworldasself-subsistent ous: Ididn'twant them notto getwhattheygot, butIwantedsome, too.) and experiencing the image as representing the world as dependent. I am When Al PIantinga wrote toHector Castaneda, suggestingthat a paper of notsure whatperiodin mylife, as measured by the guideposts ofexternal mine be published in Naus, and when Tony Kenny wrote to the Oxford biography, this transition periodcoincided with. Iknow that itis now im UniversityPress,tellingthemthatIhada manuscriptthattheyoughttotry possible for me to represent the world t~ myself as anything but depen to get holdof, this made meevenangrierwithmyteachers: "There," Isaid dent. to myself, "Thatprovesit.Itcan be done. Compatativestrangersdo it, but The second memory has to do with the doctrine ofthe Resurrection of they don't." I sometimes wonder whether my teachers knew about this the Dead. I can remember this: trying to imagine myselfas having under anger. Myrelationswiththemwereentirelyfriendlywheneverwemet.This gone this resurrection, as having died and now being once more alive, as friendliness wasnotexactlyhypocrisyon mypart,since, as Isay, the anger wakingupafterdeath.Youmightthinkitwould beeasyenoughfortheun was not continuous butspasmodic, and Iam notverygood at being angry believer to imagine this-no harder, say, than imagining the sun's turning with people who are actuallyin thesameroom with me. (ButI never once greenoratree'stalking. But-nodoubtpartly becausetheresurrectionwas in acalmermomentrepentedthesespasmsofanger, which Ialwaysconsid something that was actually proposed for my belief, and no doubt partly eredappropriateandfully justified.) because I as an unbeliever belonged to death's kingdom and had made a Icanrememberprettywell onefeature ofthis periodthat is particularly covenantwithdeath-Iencountereda kind ofspiritualwallwhenItriedto relevantto mytopic:whatitwaslikenottohaveanyreligiousbeliefs.That imagine this. The whole weight of the material world, the world of the is, Ican rememberprettyclearlycertainepisodes ofthoughtthatare possi blindinteraction offorces whose laws have no exceptions and in which an ble onlyfor the secular mind, butthe memoryis not "sympathetic"; it is a access ofdisorder can never be undone, would thrust itselfinto my mind sort of looking at the past from the outside. Here is an analogy. Suppose with terribleforce, assomethingalmosttangible,andtheeffortofimagina that you now love someoneyou once hated. You might well be able to re tionwouldfail. Icanrememberepisodesofthiskindfrom outside. Icanno member an episode duringwhich your hatred manifested itself-say, in the longer recapture their character. I have nothing positive to put in their writing of a letter in which you said terrible things to that person. You place,nothingthatcorrespondstoseeingtheworldas dependent. ButIcan might remember veryclearly,for example, hesitating between two turns of imagine the resurrection without hindrance (although my imaginings are phrase, deciding that one of them was the more likely to wound, and nodoubtalmostentirelywrong)andassent, inmyintellect,to arealitythat choosing it onthat account. Butsince you now love that person, and (pre /.: correspondstowhatIimagine. sumably) cannotfeel thewayyoufeltwhenyouhated,thereisagoodsense Thetwo "episodes"Ihavedescribedwererecurrent. Ishallnowdescribea in which you cannot "rememberwhat it was like" to write the letter. You particularexperiencethatwas not repeatedand was not verysimilarto any are lookingatyourpastfrom outside. otherexperienceIhavehad. Ihad justreadan accountofthe death ofHan- 6 Quam Dilecta QuamDilecta 7 del, who, dying,hadexpressedaneagernessto die andto meethisdearSav I remained in a state ofuncertaintyfor some time. During this period, I ior,JesusChrist,face toface. Myreactiontothiswas negativeandextremely described mystateofmind bysayingthatIdidn'tknowwhetherI believed vehement,alittleexplosionofcontempt,modified bypity.Itmightbeputin or not. Eventually I performed an act of will. I asked my colleague and these words: "You poor booby,You cheat." Handel had been taken in, I friend Bill Alston (to his considerable astonishment) to put me in touch thought, and yet at the sametimehe was gettingaway with something. Al with a priest. The priestI was put in touch with was-at that time and in though his greatesthopewasaniUusion, nothingcouldrob himofthecom relation to that particular need-ofno help to me, but my interview with fortofthishope,forafterhisdeathhewouldnotexistandtherewouldbeno him took place in his study, which was in a church building. While I was onethere toseehowwronghehadbeen.Idon'tknowwhetherIwouldhave talking with him, it became clear to me that a large part of my difficulty disillusioned him ifIcQuld·have, butIcertainly managed simultaneouslyto with the Church might be churches. It became clear to me that one fact believethathewas "ofallmenthemostmiserable" andthathewasgettinga about me that was ofrelevance to mycondition was that I didn't want to prettygooddeal. OfcourSethisreactionwasmixedwithmyknowledgethat startgoing to church. Well, Ithought, at leastthat's a fact Ican do some the kind of experienceltried to describe in the preceding example would thing about. I decided to start going to church-simply to attend an early makeHandel'santicipationofwhatwastohappenafterhisdeathimpossible Eucharist every Sunday morning as a sort ofobserver, with no more com for me. I supposelregardedthat experience as somehow veridical and be mitment involved than five dollars for the collection plate. I began doing lieved thatHandelmusthavehadsuchexperiences,too,andmusthave been this. The first effectwas that it putmy wife into a fury, even though Iwas trained,orhavetrainedhimself,toignorethem. always home from church before she was awake. But I soon found that I In 1980 ortherea'bouts, I began to experience a sort of pressure to be liked going to church and that an unconscious fear ofchurchgoingwas no come a Christian: a vast discontent with not being a Christian, a pressure longera barrier betweenme andthe Church. Thiswould have been inSep to do something. Presumably this pressure was ofthe same sort that had tember 1982,atjustaboutthe time ofmy fortieth birthday. The following led me to prayfor faith onthatone occasionten years earlier, butthis was May I was baptized. Following my baptism, I received my first Commu sustained. Thiswenton and on. Mymindatthe time isnot readilyaccessi nion.Sincethen, the Sacramenthas beenthecenterofChristian devotional ble to me in memory. I wish I had kept a journal. I know that sneers di life for me. Itis no more possible for me willfully to forgo Holy Commu rectedat Godandthe Church,which-IhopeIamnotgivingawayanyse nion on a Sunday than for me, say, to slander a colleague or to refuse to cret here~areverycommon in the academy, were becoming intolerable to payadebt. me. (Whatwas especially intolerablewas the implied invitation to join in, And since then I have been an Episcopalian. I regard myself as a the absolutelyunexaminedassumptionthat becauseIwas amemberofthe Catholic, and the Anglican communion as a branch (separated from other academic community I would, of course, regard sneering at God and the branches byhistoricaltragedy) ofthe CatholicChurchthatis mentionedas Church as meet, right, and even my boundenduty.) Iperhapsdid not have an article ofbeliefin the Creeds. Icannoteasilysee myselfas a memberof anything like a desire to turn to Christ as my Savior, or a desire to lead a any other denomination, although I believe that the Episcopal Church is godly, righteous,andsoberlife, butIdidhaveastrongdesireto belongtoa among the best possible illustrations of Robert Conquest's second law: Christian community of discourse, a community in which it was open to Everyorganization appears to beheaded bysecret agents ofits opponents. people to talk to each other inwords like the ones that Lewis addresses to Eventually, I suppose, the high-minded progressives who control the de his correspondent in Letters to an American Lady. I envied people who nomination at the national level will do some truly appalling thing and I could talk to oneanotherinthoseterms. IknowthatIwas becomingmore shall at last have to leave, but I hope I have a while left in the Episcopal and more repelled by the "great secular consensus" that comprises the Church, because I really do like the place. (An Anglican joke: "Why is worldviewofjust about everyone connected with the universities, journal Rome calledtheEternal City?Becausethere's alwaysRome.';) ism, the literaryand artisticintelligentsia,and the entertainmentindustry. I As a Christian, I ofcourse believe that conversions are the work of God knew that confused as I might be about many things, I Was quite clear and are thus largelyinvisible to the convert, save in their effects. Neverthe about one thing: Icould not bear the thought of being a part ofthat con less,Ibelieve,theconvertmusthaveturnedtoGodandinsomefashionhave sensus.Whatmadeitso repulsiveto mecan besummedup inaschoolyard askedforhis help. Ihaveno usefulmemoryofwhatIdidto ask Godfor his cri de coeur: "They think they're so smart!" I was simply revolted by the helporofthe form inwhichthathelpcame. Naturally,Iprayed~ondition­ malevolent, self-satisfied stupidity of the attacks on Christianity that pro ally-butwhatitwasaboutthoseprayersthatwasdifferentfrom myprayer ceededfrom theconsensus. inthe 1960sorwhatitwas thatIdidbesidesprayis unknowntome. 8 QuamDilecta Quam Dilecta 9 I was allowed the usual honeymoon. The counterattack occurred in thathistheorywasendorsed byno one;Iknewthathewasfanatically hos 1985. As might be expected with a person like me, it was an intellectual tile to Christianity. As to the physicists and cosmologists, their claim was counterattack.Atleast,itwasanintellectualcounterattackinthesensethat philosophicalnonsense,trickedoutto looklikesense bygames playedwith it had to do with propositions and evidence and arguments, and not with the word 'nothing'. These things I knew then as well as I do now, but I personal tragedy or sexual temptation or distaste for liturgical innovation could not make them real to myself. There was always a voice that whis ordisillusionmentwiththebehaviorofmyfellow Christians.Butitwasnot pered, "Butthis is notphilosophy.Youarenota biblicalscholaroraphysi anintellectualcounterattackinthesensethatithadmuchrespectableintel cist. You are out of your ele.ment here, and they are in theirs. Your criti lectual content. A great deal ofits content, in fact, was simply ludicrous, cisms arewithoutvalue,you amateur." and Iwasperfectlywell aware afthatatthetime, butthat did not make it Thenetresultofmystateofmindwasfear. Iwas unableto readtheBible anylesseffective. Onepartohhecounterattackwasa real intellectualdiffi ortolookata newspaperarticlereportingthe latestpublicpronouncement culty: Iwas extremelyworried by]esus' apparent prediction ofthe end of of some cosmologist about where the universe came from. And I was the present age within the lifetime ofsome ofthe witnesses to his earthly ~. ashamed to seek help from my fellow Christians, since I knew that the ministry. NowadaysIwouldsaythatIdon'texpectthattheNewTestament things that were troubling me were nonsense, and I didn't want to look a always gives an exact account ofJesus' words, and that the passages that fool. (And, atthesametime,therewas this quite inconsistentfear: Suppose worried meare probablyaconflationofhispredictionofthedestructionof Idid ask and was told, "You know, that's always worried me, too. Idon't Jerusalem and his description ofthe End Times; Iwould saythatthis con know what to say about that. And those counterarguments you keep re flation was natural enough, given the beliefs of the early Church. And I hearsing toyourselfare worthless, and I'll tell you why.") Perhapsthe best wouldaddto thisthatIamnotsureitisinconsistentwitharobust and or way to describe my state of mind would be by an analogy. You don't be thodoxtheologyoftheIncarnationtoholdthatJesushimselfbelievedinan lieveinghosts, right? Well, neitherdoI. Buthowwould youliketospenda imminentParousia(althoughIamnotentirelyhappyaboutthatidea). And night alone in a graveyard? I am subject to night fears, and Ican tell you not onlywouldIsaythesethingsnowadays, butIsaidthem (tomyself, just that Ishouldn'tlike itat all. And yetIam perfectlywell awarethat fear of aboutdaily) forseveralyearsinthemid-1980s.ThedifferenceisthatnowI ghosts is contrary to science, reason, and religion. If I were sentenced to am perfectlycomfortablewith these arguments·, and then they seemedlike spenda nightalone inagraveyard,Ishouldknowbeforehandthatnopiece a wretched subterfuge to me. It's not that) perceived some flaw in them ofevidencewasgoingto transpireduringthe nightthatwoulddo anything that I was unable to deal with. I perceived no flaw in them. They simply to raise the infinitesimal prior probability ofthe hypothesis that there are seemed like a wretched subterfuge to me, and that is all that there was to ghosts. Ishould already knowthat twigs were going to snap and the wind sayaboutthe matter. moanand thatthere would behalf-seenmovementsin the darkness. And I The other parts ofthe counterattack are so flimsy that Iam ashamed to shouldknowthattheinevitableoccurrencesofthesethings would be ofno record them. One derived from a newspaper report that a certain biblical evidential value whatever. And yet after I had been frog-marched into the scholar (a manwho Ilaterlearned had writtena bookthecentralthesis of graveyard, Ishould feel a thrill offear every time one ofthese things hap whichwas thatJesuswas ahallucinogenicmushroom) maintainedthatun ~., pened. Icouldreasonwithmyself: "Ibelievethatthe dead are inheavenor published material from the Dead Sea Scrolls contained prototypes from hell or else that they sleep until the General Resurrection. And if my reli which the Gospels were derived, prototypesthat antedated the birth ofJe gionisanillusion,thensomeformofmaterialismisthecorrectmetaphysic, sus. The other had its basis in the claimsofsome physicists and cosmolo and materialism is incompatible with the existence of ghosts. And if the gists to beable toshow(orto beaboutto beabletoshow)thatthecosmos Church and the materialists are both wrong and there are ghosts, what was somehow a thing thathad come into existence literally out of noth could be the harm in a ghost? What could such a poor wispy thing do to ing-that is, without any causal antecedents whatever, either temporal or one?" Andwhatwould thevalueofthis verycogentpiece ofreasoning be? ontological. I knewwhat to sayin response to these arguments, ofcourse. Noneatall,atleastinrespectofallayingmyfear ofghosts. Anyonewhothoughtaboutitwould.Iknewthatthisscholardidnotclaim Possibly, if one were subject to an irrational fear of ghosts, one would to have seen these Gospel prototypes; rather, he inferred their existence eventually lose itifonewere forced to spend every night alone in a grave from scraps ofinformationaboutthe unpublished DeadSeaScrollsmater yard. Somethinglikethatseemstohavehappenedtomeasregardstheirra ial byanelaborateRubeGoldberg(orHeathRobinson) chainofreasoning; tionalfears that underlaywhatIhavecalledthe counterattack. Eventually, Iknewthathewasdemonstrablyregardedbymanyscholarsasacrankand theysimplyfaded away. Iam nowunclearaboutwhatthetime frame ofall 10 QuamDilecta Quam Dilecta 11 this was. I knowthat the full force·ofit lastedfor several years and that it WhatIcannot do is to make the obvious logical consequence ofthese two was horrible. IamsurethatIcouldiiaynothingthatwouldconveythehor objects of intellectual awareness real to myself. All of the particular acts ror ofittosomeonewho hadnothadasimilarexperience, justassomeone thatfall underthesegeneral headings (pride, etc.) "feel" all rightto me be who was "afraid ofghosts" (withoutbelievingin their existence) could do cause they are done by me-that is, in these mitigating circumstances, nothing to convey to someone,whQ was free from this fear what was so which onlyIappreciate. (Ofcourseitwas excusable for me to answer him horribleaboutspendinga nightalqne inagraveyard oran abandoned and in those words, after he looked at me like that.) Nevertheless, whether I am isolated house. Thefears, whiletheylasted, were tireless and persistent. At should be or not, I not greatly troubled or uneasy about this. I am onetimeIcalledthem(tomyself;1neverspokeofthesethings, outofpride somehowconfidentthat God, having broughtmyintellect (atleastto some andshame) the barrage. Reasonisimpotentinsuchsituations, since oneis degree) under his control, is patiently working inward and is beginning to already intellectually convincedthat there is nothing to fear. (Fear replies, achieve some sortofmastery over my passions and my appetites. I believe "Ah, but you have reasoned wrong." "How have I reasoned wrong?" "I that parts of me that were diseased but vigorous ten years ago have been said, you have reasonedwroIig.") And prayer,whateverits objective bene killed and replaced with grafts of living, healthy tissue. But it is obvious fits, brings no immediatepsychologicalcomfort,as itcando inmanykinds from my behavior and the shameful inner thoughts that I reveal to no one of affliction; on the psychological level, prayer merely aggravates the fear but God (andIsometimes catch myselfthinking in ways that seem to pre thatthere isNo OneTherebymakingthequestionwhetherthere isanyone supposethatIcanhide these thoughts even from him) that the process has there momentarilyinescapableandlettingthefears looseonit. alongwaytogo. Ioftenfeel asifGodissayingtome (whenIhaveformed, Somehow, with God's help, I got through this period. (I often wonder say, some shameful plan of revenge and humiliation), "You know, if it whether it was some kindergarten version of "the dark night ofthe soul," weren'tfor me, you wouldactuallycarryoutthatplan. Don'tsupposethat butIhaveneverreallyunderstoodwhatthatphrasemeans.) Ihopeitnever you are really capable ofresisting the temptation to do things like that. In returns. Ihopethatthepartofmeonwhichitoperatedisdead,swallowed letting you have these thoughts, Iam showingyou what you would do ifI up in that death into which we are baptized. But God has, as is his usual everleftyouto yourself,evenfor a moment." practice,givenmenoguarantees,and,for allIknow, itcouldallstartagain tomorrow. IT There is notmuch moreto tellaboutmylife that is relevantto mytopic. In 1987myfirstwife,forreasonsthatIdo notunderstand,insistedonadi "Yes,yes, autobiographical narrativeis allverywell, but we wantto know vorce. (Thisisperhapsthe only badthing thathasever happened to me, at howyou canpossibly believe allthatstuff." leastas theworldcounts badthings. Ido notthink Ishouldmake muchof A couple of years ago, I wrote a paper about NewTestament criticism, a martyr; Ihave nothad thetraining.) Thedivorcewas grantedthe follow whichcontainedthefollowingpassage: ing year, and the year after that I married Elisabeth Bolduc. Several years Iamaconvert.ForthefirstfortyyearsofmylifeIwasoutsidetheChurch.For earlier,herhusbandhadmovedoutandleftherwithathree-week-old baby much ofmylife, whatIbelieved aboutthe Churchwas amixture oUactand and two olderchildren. We metandwere married in the churchin which I hostile invention, some ofit asinine and some ofit quite clever. Eventually, I had been baptizedandconfirmed.1Lisette,asmywifeis usuallycalled, is entered the Church, an act that involved assenting to certain propositions. I besides being a deeply Christian woman-an extrovert with a strong per believethatIhad,andstillhave,good reasons for assenting to thoseproposi sonality and a vigorousemotional life. She thinks Iam too intellectual and tions, althoughIamnotsurewhatthose reasonsare. Doesthatsound odd?It introverted and is determined to draw me out of myself. She may be suc shouldnot.I meanthis.Iaminclinedtothinkthatmyreasonsforassentingto ceeding. And then again,Imay betoo oldadogto learn newtricks. thosepropositionscouldbewrittendowninafewpages-thatICQuidactually do this. ButIknow that ifIdid,therewould be manynon-Christians, people At presentmyreligious lifeis inwhatissometimes called a dry period. I justasintelligentasI am, whowould bewillingtoacceptwithoutreservation have troubleprayingand "findingtime" to readthe Bible.Ihavealmost no everything I had written down, and who would yet remain what they had senseofmyselfas asinnerwhoneedsthesavingpowerofChrist,although, been: untroubled agnostics, aggressive atheists, pious Muslims, or whatever. of course, I fully accept the proposition that I am a sinner who needs And there are many who would say that this shows that what Ihad written Christ. I can see perfectly well my pride and anger and sloth and lust and down couldnotreallyconstitutegoodreasons for assentingto those proposi self-centeredness and callousness. I can see perfectly well that pride and tions. Ifit did (so the objection would run), reading what I had written on anger and sloth and lust and self-centeredness and callousness are sins. those pages would convert intelligent agnostics, atheists, and Muslims to

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Notre Dame philosopher Peter van Inwagen became a Christian at the age of 40. His conversion was not a return to a religion of his childhood, but instead a full embrace of beliefs held in contempt by colleagues and the intellectually hostile environment of his upbringing. This collection of classic
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