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#1498 JAN 6, 2020 $7.95 NZ $8.45 1988-2 F AN ON SALE NOW! $39.99 A COLLECTION OF THE MOST ICONIC CARS FROM THE FIRST 20 YEARS OF STREET MACHINE AVAILABLEWHEREVERAWESOMEBOOKSARESOLDORATMAGSHOP.COM.AU/STREET-MACHINE-LEGENDS FRONT TTHHIISSWWEEEEKK...... REMEMBER, PERVE RESPONSIBLY H a v e a c o u p l e f o r t h e r o a d T HEY’REflickingthelights onandoffandputting thestoolsonthetables. Time’sbeencalled. We’reabouttogetthearse out of here and we were only just settling in. But 31 years isn’t a bad haul, when you consider we could’ve have been drowned at birth, and the many low-down and dirty attempts at assassination that followed. It appears that here and there, now and then, from time to time, we may have annoyed a few people, but you get that in life. A few people annoyed us, too, but did we go on about it? Well, yeah, a bit. No point having a yoooj-selling national magazine if you can’t use it to slag off some pricks you don’t like. But mostly we like to think we got along with everybody, and if we all met in the pub one night it would end with us sharing a few dozen beers and being asked toleave. And on that note, we’ll fuck off.Enjoy the last ever issue of THE PICTURE. REGULƒRS CONTƒCT US 8TRIBUTES10NEWSFLASH!12MODELFAREWELLS20OURHISTORY WRITE TO The Picture, PO Box4088, Sydney, NSW 2000 32BEANOS36TOCKLEYAWARDS40EDITOR’SCOMMENTS42TOONS EMAIL [email protected] 45PIN-UP54DICKTIONARY62CHEEKYCROSS64MOVIECROSS CALL (02) 9288 9686 66FUCKYARNS69HOMEGIRLS98GOFACTYOURSELF facebook.com/picturemagazine STOP FUCKEN PRESS! STOP FUCKEN PRESS! STOP FUCKEN FAR e g n A SONEAussielegend ends,anothergoesfrom strengthtostrength. WhileTHEPICTURE willsoonbenomore,Angela White,Australia’spremierporn starandambassadressofall thingsUNGA-UNGA,continuesto achieveworlddominancebyhaving heapsofHOTSEXoncamera. Niceworkifyoucangetit.As we’rekickedintothestreetto cleanwindscreensit’sgoodto knowatleastsomeoneweknow isdoingalright. Ange,you’vehadamassivelast coupleofyears,whatareyouup tonow? “I’vebeenshootingupastorm hereinLosAngeles.Ijuststarred inahugeshowcasemovieAngela White:DarkSide.Itincludesmy biggest gangbang – 11 guys – and A e g n A our old White 5 biggestblowbangever–13guys! Iexploremy‘darkside’inthis movie–andI’mnotreferringto myarsehole!Althoughitjustso happensthatalmosteveryscene inthemovieisanal.Iunleashmy fiercesexualappetiteandtapinto thenasty,filthypartsofmy sexuality.” Crikey,Ange!Behave!Willthere evercomeatimewhenyousayto yourself,‘I’mtiredofallthis mind-blowingsexandtheendless orgasms,’andtakeupknitting instead? “Ihighlydoubtit.IlovewhatIdo fartoomuch.TheonlywayI’lltake upknittingisifIcanfindawayto doitwithcocksinsteadof needles.” Ifanyonecan,youcan,Ange.Any lastmemoriesofTHEPICTURE? “I’llmisstheAussielarrikinism. Therewasnothingquitelikethe articlesinTHEPICTURE.They weretongue-in-cheek,self- deprecating,blokey,uncouth, sometimesalittleonthenose– andthatwasthepoint.Australia islosingitssenseofhumour.” Whatwouldyousaytothosewho wantedTHEPICTUREbanned? “Intheirmissionto‘save women’,thegroupwhocameafter youhaveactuallycloseddown opportunitiesforsexworkers, andcontributedtothestigmaand discriminationtheyface.THE PICTUREwasasourceofrevenue andpromotionforwomenanda platformforsexualexpressionand freedomofspeech.Conflatingsex andsexualimagerywith‘sexual harassment’isreductiveand downrightdangerous.” Couldn’thavesaiditbetter ourselves.Willyourememberus fondlywhenwe’re(sob!)gone? “I’llmissyouguys!Iremember howtitillatingitwastogetmyvery firstPICTUREmagazine,andonly afewyearslaterIwasgracingthe pagesmyself.THEPICTUREhas beenpartofmysexualjourneyand I’msadtoseeyougo.Sowhileit’s bittersweettobeinthelastissue, I’mreallyproudthatIcanhelp sendyouoff.” Wouldyouliketosayanythingto thereaders? “Thankyouforalltheloveand supportyouhavegivenmeover theyears.Manyofyouhavebeen followingmefromthevery beginningofmycareerandI’m so grateful for that.” E C I F Y M H S A E L U N E ! ” “ I I T T E P P A L A U X E S 7 E T A THE PICTURE IS MY BIBLE! was the only thing that kept the N cardinals off the choirboys. Is-a gonna be fucken mayhem now! HIS HOLINESS POPE FRANCIS World leaders mourn loss “With every coal shipment from Australia I got them “People of glorious to chuck in the latest socialist republic of issue of for nix. North Korea weep for Why do you think we loss of world finest kept buying the shit?” “ was titty mag, which I top-selling magazine in founded, was editor of, Turkmenistan! Why you XI JINPING and took all the nudie stop? I give you many President of China pics for. I also invent camel for Kiki!” camera. And tits.” GURBANGULY BERDIMUHAMEDOW President of Turkmenistan “You guys! Always making with the jokes! Everybody loved reading at my bunga-bunga parties!” “In every issue a thousand bosoms SILVIO bloomed and the world BERLUSCONI became a happier place. Ex-prime minister of Italy Peace and blessings KIM JONG-UN upon .” Supreme leader of North Korea THE DALAI LAMA “We always have in Kremlin waiting room. For many years I hope Home S E Blokes come back so I can be in. So sad now. Must invade Ukraine to cheer up.” VLADIMIR PUTIN President of Russia of globe’s favourite mag “I have not read your magazine, although my son Andrew tells me he never missed an issue. He wants me to ask that LOCK THEM UP! LOCK nice Orstralian gel THEM UP! Angela White to the palace for tea.” THE QUEEN “It looks like you guys To the world’s greatest know how to make a magazine from the world’s clean exit – got any greatest president – you guys tips for me?” rocked!! We should have a combined closure/impeachment party at one of my resorts! X X DONALD TRUMP XX President of the USA BORIS JOHNSON Prime minister of the UK T S SHIT REALLY HAPPENED! ANYONE WANT A PET FOR THE KIDS? I DO ONLY NUNGA, NOT NADS! THAT’S ALL SHE SCROTE YOU FAT BASTARD! A HUMAN rights tribunal in Canada has chucked out a case in which a transgender woman with bloke’s fucking gear sued beauticians who refused to WAX HER SCROTUM. Jessica Yaniv requested wax jobs from a number of salons in British Columbia, but says she was knocked back ’cos they said they only did SMOOS not NUTS, which she reckons is BASTARD DISCRIMINATION. But the tribunal said nuh, she was just trying it on for the dosh, and ordered Jess to pay legal costs to some of the salons. We’ve always loved JUSTICE here at THE PICTURE! Kids today and their stupid fashions eh! TAN THE TAINT LWAYS on the cutting edge of the latest fads and trends, THE PICTURE is happy to sign off withthis beauty – perineum sunning. Basically you lean IT’S LIKE ONE FOR THE TOAD BEING RIMMED backwith your legs in the air BY GOD and get some sunshine on the CH RIS Newsome, a seppo from Alabama, has this ol’ rusty bullethole, making fucken riveting hobby – making hats for a toad. you a better person. Some Yeah, well, it’s the last issue, so why not. Anyway, chick called Meagan (not this one started showing up on his porch every night so that one), kicked it off on Chris started making little hats and plunking them on its Instagram. She reckons she head. It didn’t object, so we’re happy to bring you this does it for five minutes every final story about the strong bond between TOAD and morning and she’s never felt MAN. “The toad never seemed to mind the hats,” Chris better. At least she doesn’t says. I just place them on its head and it would just sit have to worry about it going there.” Beaut! Now let’s smoke the warty cunt’s skin! brown and wrinkly. STOP FUCKEN PRESS! STOP FUCKEN PRESS! STOP FUCKEN PRESS!