The Philosophy of Friendship

189 Pages·2005·0.684 MB·English

by  Mark Vernon (auth.)

The Philosophy of
Friendship
Mark Vernon
The Philosophy of Friendship
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The Philosophy of
Friendship
Mark Vernon
© Mark Vernon 2005
Softcover reprint of the hardcover 1st edition 2005 978-1-4039-4874-8
All rights reserved. No reproduction, copy or transmission of this
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Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication
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The author has asserted his right to be identified as the author of this
work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
First published 2005 by
PALGRAVE MACMILLAN
Houndmills, Basingstoke, Hampshire RG21 6XS and
175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010
Companies and representatives throughout the world
PALGRAVE MACMILLAN is the global academic imprint of the Palgrave
Macmillan division of St. Martin’s Press, LLC and of Palgrave Macmillan Ltd.
Macmillan® is a registered trademark in the United States, United Kingdom
and other countries. Palgrave is a registered trademark in the European
Union and other countries.
ISBN 978-0-230-51714-1 ISBN 978-0-230-20411-9 (eBook)
DOI 10.1057/9780230204119
This book is printed on paper suitable for recycling and made from fully
managed and sustained forest sources.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Vernon, Mark, 1966–
The philosophy of friendship / Mark Vernon.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
1. Friendship. I. Title.
BJ1533.F8V47 2005
77′.62–dc21 2005046345
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
14 13 12 11 10 09 08 07 06 05
In memory of
Susan Frances Vernon
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Contents
Acknowledgements ix
Introduction: the Ambiguity of Friendship 1
1. Friends at Work 11
On being useful 12
On not being used 14
On winning friends, not merely influencing people 16
The ultimate test: befriending bosses 19
The social dimension: commercial culture and the
challenge to friendship 22
Realpolitik 24
Utility spreads 26
2. Friends and Lovers 29
Sex and friendship 31
Similarities and difference 33
Immortal longings: a theory of love and friendship 35
Platonic friendship 39
Practicalities 41
Better than sex? 44
Getting with friends 48
3. Faking It 50
Truth hurts 55
Another self 59
Other ways of honesty? 63
Solitude 66
Ending friendship 68
4. Unconditional Love 72
From loss of faith to rejection 75
Christian secularism 79
In ethical no-man’s-land 81
Reaffirming friendship 84
Against atomism and absolutes 88
Trust in friendship 91
vii
viii Contents
5. Civic Friendship 93
Tyrant slayers 96
Garden friendship 101
The end of an age 102
Public kisses 107
Sworn brothers 112
The piety of friendship 114
6. Politics of Friendship 119
Suffragette city 120
Political weight 124
Right relationship 127
What are gay men for? 128
Lads, blokes and metrosexuals 130
Queer lives 133
Sociological evidence 137
Friendship in other relationships 139
The return of trust and civic friendship? 140
7. The Spirituality of Friendship 145
Timing and exceptionality 147
Telling it slant 150
Mere friendship 152
‘To do without it’ 154
Conclusion: Philosophy and Friendship 160
Further Reading and References 165
Appendix: Plato and Aristotle on Friendship 170
Index 177
Acknowledgements
This book is in part a product of friendships, amongst whom I think of
Denise Inge, Craig Mackenzie, Jeremy Carrette, Guy Reid, Chris Biddle,
Paul Fletcher, John Inge, Angie Hobbs and Richard Jenkins. I must thank
other individuals who have read various chapters and drafts, notably
Michael Savage, James Davidson and particularly Lisa Mackenzie. Great
thanks also goes to those who signed me up and then steered the book
through at Palgrave, especially Luciana O’Flaherty, Dan Bunyard and
Lisa Dunn, and also to my copy-editor, Peter Andrews. Underpinning all
is the love and friendship of Nick.
ix