Table Of Content

THEPATHTONO-SELF OtherbooksbyBernadetteRoberts TheExperienceofNo-Self WhatisSelfi- BERNADETTEROBERTS StateUniversityofNewYorkPress Publishedby StateUniversityofNewYorkPress, Albany ©1991StateUniversityofNewYork Allrightsreserved PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica Nopartofthisbookmaybeusedorreproduced inanymanner whatsoeverwithoutwrittenpermission exceptin thecaseofbriefquotationsembodiedin criticalarticlesand reviews. Forinformation,addressStateUniversityofNewYork Press,StateUniversityPlaza, Albany,N.Y.12246 ProductionbyMarilyn P.Semerad MarketingbyTheresaA. Swierzowski LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData Roberts,Bernadette,1931- Thepathtono-self:lifeatthecenter /BernadetteRoberts, p.cm. Originallypublished:Boston:Shambhala, 1985.Withnew introd. ISBN0-7914-1141-9.—ISBN0-7914-1142-7(pbk) 1.Mysticalunion.2.Contemplation.I.Roberts, Bernadette, 1931-.H.Title. BT767.7.R631991 248.2'2—dc20 10987654321 91-30833 CIP TotheCistercian monksofSt.Benedict’sMonastery highintheColorado Rockies. CONTENTS Prefaceix Introduction3 PhasesoftheUnitiveLife9 DichotomyofExperience15 PhaseI25 PrefacetoPhase II49 PhaseII51 PhaseHI 77 Between PhasesIIIandIV113 PhaseIV119 PhaseV153 PhaseVI165 Conclusion199 Thisbookisapersonalaccountofaparticular stagein theChristiancontemplativejourney,astageIcall"the pathtono-self."Afterthebookwasfirstpublished, however,certain misunderstandingsaroseregarding the termsegoandselfandexactlywhatImean by"no-ego" and"no-self."Since thisprefaceisbeingwrittenin anticipationofasecond edition, Iwouldliketotakethis opportunitytoclarifythesetermsand, atthesame time, giveabriefoverviewofthecompletedjourney. Ourspiritualjourneybeginsinearnestwhenwefol¬ lowuponagratuitousgrace—arevelationorpieceof enlightenment—thatvirtuallyturnsourlifearound. To seekthisgracemoreabundantlyandtomakeourselves worthyofit,ourenergiesbecomefocusedonareforma¬ tionoflife,aco mmitmenttospiritualpractice,atotal dedicationtopursuinganintimatelifewithGod. Althoughthisreformationissomething wemustdo, our besteffortswillonlygetusso farin thismatter.The IX THEPATHTONO-SELF changeswecanbringaboutbyourowneffortsarerela¬ tivelyimpermanentandsuperficial,aboveall,theyare stillreversible. Itiswhereourowneffortscometoan end—when wehavedoneallwecoulddo—thatGod takestheinitiativeandthetruetransformationprocess begins. BecauseonlyGod'stransforminggracecan effect aprofound, irreversiblechangein ourdeepest experience ofbeing, wecansaythatwherereformation ends, authentictransformationbegins. Sinceagreatdeal hasbeen writtenonthebeginning orreformativestagesofthespiritualjourney, the accountgiven inthisbookbeginswiththetransforming process.IntheChristian mystical traditiontheonsetof thisprocessisknownasthe"PassiveNightoftheSpir¬ it."Althoughthisphrase wascoinedbyJohnofthe Crossforaparticular setofexperiences, theseexperi¬ enceswerealreadywellknowntohiscontemplative peers. 1Inmodern psychologicalterms, entranceintothe PassiveNightoftheSpirit isthefallingawayoftheorig¬ inalself-center, orego,andtheconsequentencounter withagreatemptinessorvoidin ourselves. Whereprevi- 1.JohnoftheCrossspeaksofanumberofDarkNights.Hisprimary divisionisbetweenanactiveandpassiveNightoftheSenses, andan activeandpassiveNightoftheSpirit. By"active"hemeanswhatwe cando,by"passive"hemeanswhatonlyGodcando.1.ActiveNight oftheSenses:detaching ourselvesfromimperfectionsandworldly distractionsinorder toattachourselvestoGodinstead.2.Passive NightoftheSenses:periodicallyGodseemstowithdrawhispres¬ enceandthuswefeelspirituallyempty,dry, orarid. Thisisactually theonsetofinfusedcontemplation orGod'spresenceonamorepro¬ foundlevel—whichwehaveyettoappreciate.3.ActiveNightofthe Spirit:detaching ourselvesfromspiritual goodiesandtheefforttobe morepassivetoGod'spresence;therecognition thatGod'sabiding presenceisbeloworbeyondallthoughtandfeeling.4. PassiveNight oftheSpirit:apermanentandirreversible6trokeofGodwhichisthe fallingawayoftheself-center orego,theencounterwithaterrible voidin ourselves—ablackhole,darknessandnothingness. Where experiencesofthesecondandthirdNightoverlap,andfirstand fourthareclearlymarked. x PREFACE ouslywehad encounteredGod, nowthereisonlydark¬ nessandnothingness. Althoughthisinitial eventis experiencedasanabsenceofGod,weknowthatGod cannotbeabsent.ThusJohn oftheCrossaffirmsthat thisdarkness isduetoasuperabundanceoflight—like beingstruckblindwhen lookingdirectlyatthesun. Whatmakesthisdirectlookpossible, however,isthe fallingawayorabsenceoftheself-center (ego)whichhad veiledor obstructedthedeeperrecessesofbeing. Unknowntoourselves,prior tothispointinourjourney theegohadbeen theveilthroughwhichwehadseen or encounteredGod.Theego,overlyingthedivinecenter, hadbeen thatin uswhichexperiencedthedivine.When theegofellaway,ittookitsexperienceofGodwithit. Althoughthisexperienceisaccompaniedbyasenseof beinglosttoourselves,thislossofselfisoverwhelmed byourgreatersenseofhaving lostGod.WithoutGodwe havenosense ofadeeper selfand, thus,withoutadeeper self(theego inthiscase)wehavenosense ofGod. Itisimportanttopointoutthatuntiltheegofalls away, thedeepestandtruestselfweknowistheego-self. Itisonlyin retrospectthatthetruenatureoftheegocan beidentifiedorknownbyitsabsence. 1Asouroriginal self-center,theegoisneither false,bad, nornecessarily selfish.Indeed, itwasthisegothatexperiencedGodand 2.CarlJungoncepointedoutthatmanypeoplemistaketheemer¬ genceoftheegofortheemergenceofthenuminousortrueself.I sus¬ pect,however,thisisthewayitgoesforeverybody.Theego-selfcan onlybeknowninretrospect,butneveratthetimewearelivingit— orareit.When livingit,theegoisthedeepest,truestselfweknow;it isnotoursuperficialorfalseself.Thisiswhywegothrougha tremendousdark nightwhentheegofallsaway,- thefallingawayof anything lesswouldnotresultin aradical upheaval,change, orread¬ justmentofthewholepsyche. Afalseself,ontheotherhand,never fallsaway, itisonlyseen throughforwhatitis. Thereisanenor¬ mousdifference, then,between theegoandafalseself.Failureto makethesedistinctionsclear hasledtomanyfalsenotionsregarding theauthenticcontemplativejourney. xi THEPATHTONO-SELF putallitsenergiesintothepursuitofGodandaholy life.Theego isonlyfalsewhen itrefusesGodandclings solelytoitself.Inmyownjourney, whatIwouldlater knowasthe"ego,"Ihadoriginallycalledmy"realself," sometimesmy"trueself"(asopposedtoasuperficial self)becausethiswasthedeepest selfIknewpriortoits fallingaway. Notforasecond diditoccurtomethatthis "deepestself"couldfallaway.In thePassiveNightof theSpirit,however,thisego-centerfallsawayand, with it—becauseofitsattachment toGod^-goesthewhole experienceofGod;thus,weseem tobewithoutGod. Ourfirstconcern istofindGod,forweknowthatonly inGodwillweeverfindourtrueself.ThePassiveNight oftheSpirit, thefallingawayoftheego-center, isthe direexperienceofemptinessandvoidin ourselves,an absenceofGodandourdeepestselfthatleavesusin utterdarknessfeelingasifthecenter ofourbeing has suddenlyfallenout. Asthewholepsycheorpersonbegins toadjustto thisstateofnothingness, theinterioreyegraduallyaccli¬ matestothedarkness,and inthedepthsofthisdarkness God'sfaceeventuallyappears.InChristian termsthis wholeprocessisknownas"transformingunion."Thus, entranceintothePassiveNightoftheSpiritisthebegin¬ ningoftheunitivestateorunitivewayoflife.Themajor changeaffectedinthisNightisthatourinitial, deepest senseofbeing isreplacedbytheindescribablesenseof God'sbeing, sothatGodandselfareindistinguishablein oursingularsense ofbeing. Wemightdescribethis changeasamovementfromanI-thouconsciousness to asimpleandsingularWeconsciousness. Theendofthis transformingprocesswillbemarkedbyadefinitive, uni¬ tiverevelation:awhollydivinecenter wherein ourdeep¬ estselfishidden in onenesswithGod. Withthisrevelationtheinwardmovement ofour journeyisfinished,completed. Wecannot godeeper thanthedeepest—thedivinecenter. Having cometo xii PREFACE thisdivineend, withnothingmoretobedesired, it appearswehavegoneasfarinthislifeasishumanly possible.Looking around,weseenopathanymore; ahead,thereonlyappearstobeapermanentdissolution ineternal bliss,acondition,however, thatseemsincom¬ patiblewithcontinuedearthlyexistence.Ofourown accordwecannottakethispermanentstep, thechoiceis notourstomake.Whatisleft,instead, istheexerciseof thisnew unitivestatein theordinaryaffairsoflife. Thus,thejourneynowturns(orreturns)tothemarket¬ place. Whereinitiallythemovementofthejourneyhad been inward,thejourneynowturnsaroundandbecomes anoutwardmovement.Unknowntousat thetime,this outwardmovement—themarketplace—isanimperative stageofthetotaljourney.Lying beyondtheunitivereve¬ lation,themarketplaceistheunknownpaththatleads toyet agreater end—thefallingawayofthedivinecen¬ terwherein selfishidden in itsonenesswithGod.The pathfromthebeginning ofthejourneytotheunitive stateisthepathtono-ego,apathwellknownandarticu¬ latedin contemplativeliterature.Fromtheunitivestate outwardtotheendofthemarketplacestage,however,is theunknownpathtono-self,astagenotoftenrecog¬ nizedin contemplativeliteratureasnecessaryandvital forthecompletionofthejourney. Thelongerweliveintheunitivestatethemore ordinaryitbecomes.Aftermanyyearswelookback and seethatthetransformingprocesshadactuallybeen a processofhumanmaturation.Weseetoo,thatwithout realizingan abiding onenesswithGod,no humanbeing canberegardedasauthentically"mature."Neither chronological,psychological,anthropological,orany developmentalagecanrightlydefinehuman maturity,- onlyatransformationwroughtbyGodcan begetthe matureindividual.Duringtransformationitwasthe action ofgracethatgavethisprocessitsmysticalflavor; infact,weoften refertothosewhohavebeen through THEPATHTONO-SELF thisprocessas"mystics,"amysticbeing noneother thananauthenticallymaturehumanbeing. Atthesame time,weask:IsthismaturitytheendofGod'sworkin us?DoesGodintendnohigher destinyformanthan his becomingamaturehuman being? Aftermanyyears livedin theunitivestate,wehave toacknowledgethatalthoughitisaprofoundandhappy improvementoveran immature,egoicexistence,itis notatotallyperfectstate—certainlyitisnot"heaven" orman'sfinaldestiny.Thecontinuationofself-aware¬ nessandthearisingofself(thoughtsandfeelings)in responsetolife'sevents,remain asasubtleobstacletoa totallyselflessloveofGod.Somehow,selfstillhasatoe¬ holdorafinger ineverything wedo. Althoughthese self¬ responsesseem tobearequirement ofearthlyexistence andpresent nomajorproblem, theyneverthelessstand inthewayofamoreperfect state.Apartfromsitting stillandalooftherestofourlives,wecannot imagine howordinarylifecouldgoonifallsuchself-responses werepermanentlytocease.Also,wedo notseeanyway wecouldpossiblymakethishappen;in truth,onlygod canbringaboutapermanentcessation ofself.Justasthe fallingawayoftheego-centerwasGod'sdoing, sotoo, theeventualfallingawayofallselfcan onlybebrought aboutbyGod.Thuswhen theunitivestatehasbeen livedtoitsfullestpotentialorwhen thereisnothingleft inthemarketplacetoexperience, theunitivestate—self andGod—fallsawayinonefellswoop.Justaswehad notanticipatedthefallingawayoftheoriginalself-cen¬ ter(ego),wecouldnever haveanticipatedthefalling awayofthedivinecenter. Beyondself,itbecomesobviousthatthepurpose andendoftheunitivestatenotonlyrepresentsmature humanexistence,butthatthismatureexistence is, itself,amovementtowardahigher estate.Thustheuni¬ tivestateistheunknown pathwherein alifeofegoless living—andgiving—eventuallybringsustoadimension xiv PREFACE beyondournotionsofhumanfulfillment, beyondany¬ thingheretoforeknownorexpected. Thepathtono-self, then,istheegolessunitivestate.Althoughtheegoless condition,orunitivestate,isman'smaturelife,itisnot theendofhisjourney. Thefallingawayoftheegoor originalself-center wasnotthecessation ofthewhole selfortrueself;thereremainsawaytogobeforethetrue selfcanceaseor fallaway.Itisimportanttoremember thatbeforereachingtheunitivestatewehadneverlived theegolesslife.However hardwestrovetobeunselfish, wehadnotyetattainedtheegolessorunitivecondition; onlythetrueselflivesinsuchacondition. Onlyafter theegolesscondition ortrueselfhasbeen livedtoits fullestpotentialin themarketplacecanitcometoan endandlifego onwithoutit. Theassumption thattheegolesscondition,or unionofselfandGod,isman'sfinalgoalandultimate destiny,isagreatmistake. Mypurposehereistoaffirm thattheunitivestateisahidden pathinitself,amove¬ mentinitsownright thatultimatelyleadstono-self(no trueself)andno-union. Inshort,theunitivestateisthe hidden pathtono-self. IntheChristiantradition thefallingawayofself (nottheego)hasneverbeen addressed, possiblybecause itisheldtobeeither animpossibleeventoranignoble idea.Thegreatfear isthatwithoutselfthemonotheistic revelationwillcollapseintoamonisticorpantheistic impersonalprinciple—akindof"cosmicsoup,"asone theologianputit.When allissaid anddone, however, theonlyeventthatcouldpossiblyverifyornullifythe fearsandobjectionstoatotallyselflessstate,wouldbe theeventitself—thefallingawayofallself.Beyondself, whatisactuallyrevealed—cosmicsoup?animpersonal principle?abrilliantlight?Beyondself,therevelation is notofanimmaterialsoulorspiritbut,rather,therevela¬ tionofthetruenatureofthebodyaspartandparcelof Christ'seternalMystical Body. ThisMysticalBody xv THEPATHTONO-SELF dwellsinthegloryoftheFather anditsenlightenmentis theHolySpirit. Ifthisisnotasufficientdestiny, then whatis?FaithinChrist eventuallycastsoutallfearof lossofself,forwhereselfleavesoff,theeternalChrist begins. IfIweretoreadoverthefollowingpages, written almostten yearsago,Iwouldprobablymakemany changes.Therei^onlyoneplace, however,whereI knewfromtheoutset Ihad failedtomakethepoint. Thisoccursin thechapter on"theopen mind"orPhase IVofthebook,whereIspeakofthecessation ofjudg¬ ment.IhopeitwillnotbeoutofplaceifIendthispref¬ acebyinserting thepoint Ihad originallyintendedto make.Apartfromthisomission,thereisnothingessen¬ tialIwouldadd totheoriginal narrative.Thoughsome ofitsterminologymightbechanged, Ihavediscovered thatthosewhocanidentifywithcertain experiencesdo soregardlessofthetermsused. Whenitcomestocom¬ municatingexperience, semanticsisnotatruebarrier; rather,thetruebarrier isnever having hadtheexperi¬ ence. Inthechapteronthe"open mind"(PhaseIV),by judgmentIdonotmean adeliberateact ofmoraljudg¬ mentbut,rather,themind'sautonomousactofdiscrim¬ ination.In itselfthisunconsciousdisc riminationisa subtleformofjudgment,butonesointimatelylinkedto self-awarenessthatthecessationofthisdisc rimination wouldbeequallythecessationofself-awareness.Togive anexampleofthis:whenmeeting another personweare instantlyreflectedback onourselves,andwiththis reflexiveact comecertain associationsattachedtothis act.Butuntilwecanseetheworldandotherpeople withoutthissubtlediscrimination,wewillnever see themastheyarein themselves;instead, wewillsee xvi PREFACE themonlyastheyareinourselves—whicharetwovery differentviews.When wecannotseeothersastotally new,orasifforthefirsttime,wecannot allowfor changeeither inthem orinourselves.Sothesubtleform ofdiscrimination thatI amspeakingofisahindranceto amoreperfectcharity,compassion, forgiveness,justice, andsoon. Itisimportant,then,torealizethatthereflexive mindisanautomaticdiscriminator.Whenwecatch our mindsinthisdiscriminatingact, wecomeascloseaswe everwilltocatchingourmindsin .theveryact ofself- awareness.ThepointIoriginallyintendedtomakein thischapteristhediscoveryofthemind'sautonomous andunconsciousactivitywherein theact ofdiscrimina¬ tionisnotdifferentfromtheactofself-awareness(that is,thecessationofdiscrimination isequallythecessa¬ tionofself-awareness). Althoughunknownatthetime,thisdiscoveryisan importantinsightor preparation fortheeventualcessa¬ tionofself-awareness. Whereinitiallythisdiscrimina¬ tionappearedtobeasubtleformofjudgment,itturns outtobeasubtleformofself-awareness. Iamgrateful fortheopportunitytoclarifythisfactin thisnewedition ofthebook. IwishtoexpressmygratitudetoBillEastman of SUNYPressformaking thisneweditionpossible. Bill firstcameuponthisbookin aremotevillageofIndia and, onreturningtotheUnitedStates,foundittobeno longerinprint.Sincethisbookisapersonalaccountof theChristiancontemplativejourney,Billfeltitwould beathomeamong theliteratureofotherreligioustradi¬ tionspublishedbySUNYPress. Ourmutualhopeisthat thisaccountwillhelpshed somelightonthepsycholog¬ ical-spiritualjourneythateveryoneiscalledtomake.