The Other Mother: A Lesbian’S Fight For Her Daughter

283 Pages·1999·18.9 MB·English

by  Nancy Abrams

The Other Mother
LIVING OUT
Gay and Lesbian Autobiographies
Joan Larkin and David Bergman
GENERAL EDITORS
Midlife Queer: Autobiography ofaDecade, 1971-1981
Martin Duberman
WidescreenDreams: Growing Up Gay attheMovies
PatrickHorrigan
EminentMaricones: Arenas, Lorca, Puig, andMe
Jaime Manrique
Taboo
Boyer Rickel
The OtherMother: A Lesbian'sFightforHerDaughter
NancyAbrams
The Other Mother
s
A Lesbian Fightfor Her Daughter
Naney Abrams
The University ofWisconsin Press
The UniversityofWisconsinPress
2537DanielsStreet
Madison,Wisconsin53718
3HenriettaStreet
LondonWC2E 8LU,England
Copyright© 1999
NancyAbrams
Allrightsreserved
3 5 4 2
PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Abrams, Nancy.
Theothermother:alesbian'sfightforherdaughterINancyAbrams.
282pp. em.- (Livingout)
ISBN0-299-16490-X (cloth:alk.paper).
ISBN0-299-16494-2 (paper)
1.Abrams,Nancy. 2.Lesbianmothers-UnitedStatesBiography.
3.Lesbianmothers-Legalstatus,laws,etc.-UnitedStatesCase
studies. 4. Custodyofchildren-UnitedStatesCaseStudies.
5.Visitationrights (Domesticrelations)-UnitedStatesCase
studies. I.Title. II. Series.
HQ75.53.A27 1999
306.89-dc21 99-13125
For my Little Goose

Contents
Acknowledgments IX
Author's Note xi
Searching 3
Chances 44
Amelia 83
Prisoner 112
In Loco Parentis 146
Losing 192
Things That Stay 235
Ima: An Epilogue 262
vii

Acknowledgments
Many people helped me to see that this story had significance
beyondmy own personalchallenges: I would like to thankJP for
suggesting I keep track of it all; the readers from Dodge who
showed me that I had no choice but to write this down; Jane
Howard who asked me to write about a party and who always
wanted to know the interesting details; and Le Anne Schreiber
who suggested I start at the beginning.
I wouldalsoliketothankKathrynKendellattheNationalCen
terfor Lesbian Rights for the help she has given me andfor the
work she does on behalfoflesbian mothers across the country.
I am grateful to David Bergman,Joan Larkin, and Raphael
Kadushin for their dedication to publishing gay and lesbian
autobiography.
lowe a debtofgratitude (oratleasta reallybiggiftcertificate
toareallyexpensivedepartmentstore) toVeronica,whosegener
ous spirit is unmatched.
This is a bookaboutfamily, andlowe a lottomyown. I would
liketothankmymotherwhohasbeenthereeverystepoftheway
for me, andwhohasalsobeenthebestgrandmotherI couldwish
for my daughter. Both my parents taught me that happily-ever
afters canstartanytime, and thatfamilies can take manyshapes.
And to Whit, for everything.
ix