Alexis Munier Copyright © 2009 by Alexis Munier. All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews. Published by Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc. 57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A. www.adamsmedia.com ISBN 10: 1-60550-652-4 ISBN 13: 978-1-60550-652-4 eISBN: 978-1-44051-357-2 Printed in the United States of America. J I H G F E D C B A Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available from the publisher. This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. —From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters. This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases. For information, please call 1-800-289-0963. To Greg, Mikey, and Toby, the filthiest f**king guys I know. —ALEXIS MUNIER Contents Introduction ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 1, 2, 3 . . . A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Introduction Ah English—if there is anything close to a perfect language for cursing, swearing and insulting, you’ve found it. English is not only spoken in one variant or another in the UK, Ireland, South Africa, Australia, United States, and the Caribbean, but it’s also the mother tongue of more than a third of a billion mofos worldwide. Fortunately, English has borrowed from many languages over the years, making it the world’s richest—and raunchiest—language, ripe with delectable dirty words. Unfortunately, unless you can really shoot the shit, you have some serious catching up to do. You may think you’re all that, but there’s more to putting someone in their place than calling them shitface. Is he just not that into you when he calls you a minger? When that biddy says she’s chuffed, should you unzip your fly or slam the door in her face? If your lover begs for a chili dog, do you stock up on beans or wet wipes? No fear: The Little Red Book of Very Dirty Words is here to give you a deliciously filthy introduction into the netherworlds (and nether regions) of true American, British, Australian, and other sorts of forbidden English. Be it cocksucking in Cleveland or leathered in London, this hysterical collection of dirty slang, idioms, and colloquialisms will have you begging for it. So call dibs on that seat, get plastered, and channel your inner potty-mouth with the sidesplitting linguistic journey that is The Little Red Book of Very Dirty Words. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS A heartfelt thank you to contributors Matt Glazer, Jason Niemann, Gregory Bergman, Michael Paul Lee, T.S. Winn, Chris Robson, and Katherine Clinton Robson for their excellent work. Thanks as well to Mom, Emmanuel Tichelli, Georgina Bingham, Toby and Karen Ernberg, Yoann Unghy, Coralee Elder, Louis Da Drama, Bondy, Si, Jimmy, Alec, Big Gay, the Robsons, the Andersons, Derek Hambly, and David George, who all took the time to get down and dirty for this book. —ALEXIS MUNIER 1, 2, 3 . . . 1 + 1 = 3, n. the sex act as procreation; American The unconventional equation, 1 + 1 = 3, reminds us that what takes two can produce a third—a baby. 3-way, n. a sexual threesome, usually (but not always) two women and a man; American The images of a 3-way with the tall twins from Texas haunted his dreams for weeks. Top Five Male Sex Fantasies 1. Sex with two women at the same time 2. Sex with two women at the same time 3. Sex with two women at the same time 4. Sex with a famous celebrity 5. Oral sex (getting it, that is) 4-way, n. sex that involves four people, usually (but not always) two men and two women; American Think of a 4-way as a sort of Sexual Twister game in which you play for orgasms, rather than points. 69, n. sex position in which partners give each other oral sex at the same time; American The sex position 69 is the ultimate tit for tat accommodation. THE LOVELIEST NUMBER Called The Crow in the Kama Sutra, 69 is a nestling of bodies that allows lovers to perform oral sex on one another simultaneously—a pretty picture that has been immortalized in countless images over the ages. One such notorious engraving allegedly created by the acclaimed Belgian painter Felician Rops in 1865 appeared in Le Diable au Corps—and was promptly banned in France. Imagine what they would have thought in Boston!
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