The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2 PDF
Preview The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2
ARE YOU READY TO PLAY SOME DUNGEONS AND FUCKING DRAGONS?
The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2 is an absurd comedy about a group of adventurers (elf, halfling, bard, dwarf, assassin, thief) going through an existential crisis after having discovered that they are really just pre-rolled characters living inside of a classic AD&D role playing game. While exploring the ruins of Tardis Keep, these 6 characters must deal with their inept Dungeon Master's retarded imagination and resist their horny teenaged players' commands to have sex with everything in sight.
Featuring: punk rock elf chicks, death metal orcs, porn-addicted beholders, a goblin/halfling love affair, a gnoll orgy, and a magical dildo that holds the secrets of the universe.
"Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!" - CHRISTOPHER MOORE
"If you like satires which are highly imaginative, subversive, gory, funny as hell and completely surreal CM3 may be your literary messiah." - RICARDO GONZALEZ DEL VALLE
"Mellick is smarter than the dumbness he tries to coat his writing in; you feel like you're reading a comic or watching MTV - but underneath there is something deeper and smarter than the cartoonish presentation before your eyes." - EUCHIRD
"Easily the craziest, weirdest, strangest, funniest, most obscene writer in America." - GOTHIC MAGAZINE
"Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale." - CORY DOCTOROW, author of Little Brother
If anyone out there is reading this, I need your help. I am trapped within a really terrible Dungeons and Dragons campaign and I can't find my way out. My player is a horny 14 year old loser who won't stop forcing me to have sex with slutty elf chicks instead of going on quests. The dungeon master has severe attention deficit disorder and skips large sections of description when it comes to the world I live within. Please find my character sheet and bring it to a better dungeon master, preferably a benevolent one with a vivid imagination who actually knows what he's doing. Please, I beg of you to deliver me from this nightmare, before all of my hit points run out . . .
--Polo Pipefingers, level 3 Halfling Fighter
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