The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically I

318 Pages·2010·0.7 MB·English

The
Explosive
Child
A New Approach for Understanding
and Parenting Easily Frustrated,
Chronically Inflexible Children
R W. G , P .D.
OSS REENE H
In memory of Irving A. Greene
Anyone can become angry, that is easy...
but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree,
at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right
way...t his isn ot easy.
—Aristotle
If I am not for myself, who is for me?
If I am only for myself, what am I?
If not now, when?
—Hillel
Illusions are the truths we live by until we know better.
—Nancy Gibbs

Contents
Epigraph iii
Acknowledgments vii
Preface xi
1 The Waffle Episode 1
2 Children Do Well If They Can 11
3 Pathways and Triggers 23
4 Pathways and Triggers Brought to Life 49
5 The Truth About Consequences 73
6 Plan B 85
v
vi Contents
7 Learning Curves 131
8 Teach Your Children Well 177
9 Family Matters 205
10 Better Living Through Chemicals 231
11 The Plan B Classroom 243
12 Now Is the Time 271
Additional Resources and Support 277
Index 283
About the Author
Credits
Cover
Copyright
About the Publisher
Acknowledgments
I
would like to acknowledge the
contributions of my valued colleague and friend, Dr. Stu-
art Ablon, whose insights and energy have been instru-
mental in the evolution of the Collaborative Problem
Solving approach. I am also indebted, as always, to my
agent and friend, Wendy Lipkind.
My thinking about how to help explosive children
and their adult caretakers has been influenced by many
parents, teachers, and supervisors. It was my incredible
good fortune to have been mentored by Dr. Thomas Ol-
lendick while I was a graduate student in the clinical psy-
vii
viii Acknowledgments
chology program at Virginia Tech. Two psychologists
who supervised me during my training years were partic-
ularly influential: Drs. George Clum at Virginia Tech and
Mary Ann McCabe at Children’s National Medical Cen-
ter in Washington, D.C. And I probably wouldn’t have
gone into psychology in the first place if I hadn’t stum-
bled across the path of Dr. Elizabeth Altmaier when I
was an undergraduate at the University of Florida.
However, those who were most central to the evolu-
tion of many of the ideas in this book, and to whom I
owe the greatest debt of gratitude, were the many chil-
dren with whom I’ve worked and the parents who en-
trusted me with their care.
I also want to acknowledge the countless people
throughout the world who have embraced the Collabo-
rative Problem Solving approach and, against the odds
but with vision and energy and relentless determination,
have advocated for implementation of the approach in
their schools, clinics, inpatient units, and residential and
juvenile detention facilities. There are truly amazing
people in this world who care deeply about improving
the lives of children, and it has been my privilege to have
crossed paths with many of you.
This book is about children and families, and I’d be
remiss if I didn’t acknowledge my own: my wife, Melissa;
my kids, Talia and Jacob, who keep me laughing and
learning and make sure I practice what I preach; and
Sandy, the Big Black Dog.