The Etiquette Edge: Modern Manners for Business Success

273 Pages·2016·2 MB·English

by  Beverly Langford

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THE
Etiquette
EDGE
SECOND EDITION
THE
Etiquette
EDGE
SECOND EDITION
MODERN MANNERS FOR
BUSINESS SUCCESS
BEVERLY Y. LANGFORD
Contents
INTRODUCTION: THE CASE FOR COURTESY
PART 1. Everyday Courtesy as a Success Factor
1. Manners in the Twenty-First Century
2. Credibility: Creating It and Keeping It
3. Develop Your Gratitude Attitude: Say “Thank You” and Mean It
4. Are Your Nonverbal Messages Telling on You?
5. What the $%#*!& Is Going on Here?
6. Tell Me Less: Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid
7. Giving Genuine Compliments That Count
8. Improving Your Listening Skills
9. Being Smart About Smartphones and Other Devices
10. Using Social Media to Make—Not Break—Your Career
11. Travel Courtesy: Don’t Leave Home Without It
PART 2. Best Behaviors at Work: Interacting with Bosses and Peers
12. Terror on Both Sides of the Desk: Relieving Interview Stress
13. The New Job: Getting Started on the Right Foot
14. Office Space: Make Working Together More Enjoyable and
Productive
15. Getting Along with Your Manager: Spotting and Solving Personality
Problems
16. How to Speak So Your Boss Will Listen
17. E-mail: Think Before You Send
18. Using Your Phone Most Productively
19. Dress Code Confusion
20. Mastering the Art of Meetings
21. When Meetings Go Virtual
22. How to Leave a Job: Making a Graceful Exit
23. Refuse to Schmooze and You Lose: Cultivating the Social Side of
Business
24. Let’s Do Lunch: Dining Your Way to Success
25. Getting Noticed—Without Becoming Notorious
26. He Said, She Said: When the Gender Gap Seems as Wide as the
Grand Canyon
27. Citizenship in the Global Village
PART 3. Handling Sensitive Issues: Courtesy and Building Trust
28. Loving Your Enemies: Coping with the Price of Success
29. When Your Best Friend Becomes Your Boss: Balancing the
Professional and the Personal
30. Dealing with a Bully Boss
31. Dealing with Negative Coworkers
32. Silence Is Not a Virtue: How to Complain Without Carping
33. An Apology Is in Order: Repairing the Damage with a Sincere
Response
34. Delivering Unwelcome Information Without Damaging Relationships
35. Confronting with Courtesy: Preserving Relationships While Resolving
Differences
36. When the Worst Happens: Dealing with Tragedy, Illness, and Death
37. Putting It All Together: Creating and Maintaining Your Personal Brand
A FINAL WORD
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
BIBLIOGRAPHY
INDEX
FREE SAMPLE CHAPTER FROM MAKE YOUR CONTACTS COUNT
BY ANNE BABER AND LYNNE WAYMON
ABOUT AMACOM
INTRODUCTION
The Case for Courtesy
Today’s workplace is a more complex environment than it was just a couple of
decades ago. Flatter organizations, decreased power distance, and increased
diversity have benefited companies immensely, but with those changes have
come more confusion about accepted rules of conduct and interpersonal
relationships. Added to that turmoil the inescapable reach of social media and
new technology that allows near-constant opportunities for creating friction with
others and creating a world where we are connecting but not really connected.
Customs vary, and language and social differences can make effective
interaction in the workplace, already challenging, even more daunting. The old
rules don’t seem to work anymore; we need new practical guidelines to avoid
confusion or chaotic behavior.
Unfortunately, since the late 1900s, perhaps even beginning in the 1960s,
many people have considered courtesy old-fashioned and good manners elitist.
At the same time, many of us are increasingly frustrated with rudeness or social
ineptness and lack of professionalism among employees, customers, coworkers,
and strangers. Yet most of us will readily admit that our parents’ concepts of
good manners don’t always work in the twenty-first century.
THE VALUE OF COURTESY TO YOUR CAREER
Many factors contribute to a person’s professional success. Knowledge, skill,
work ethic, integrity, ambition—all of these factors are essential to achieving our
goals. However, we make a serious mistake if we ignore the importance of
effective and appropriate communication and behavior, social savvy, and
commonsense etiquette. Failing to recognize how one can seize a competitive
advantage by leveraging good manners and courtesy in the workplace can
undermine our good efforts on the job.
When asked the secret of his success, the vice president of a major
technology company once answered, “It’s quite simple, really. I learned to
anticipate all the possibilities so that I could take action instead of merely
responding. And, I remembered the things my mother taught me.” The point he
wanted to make was that these early lessons had taught him the importance of
treating others well, whether we call it etiquette, good manners, courtesy,
civility, or social savvy.
Without question, if you aspire to a management or leadership position,
treating others with courtesy and respect is critical to building trust and
credibility. And being a credible, trustworthy leader is a key factor in inspiring
others to follow you. However, courtesy should not be viewed as a management
tool implemented simply to manipulate others. True courtesy has as its source a
genuine ability to value other people and to see their worth, regardless of their
status.
Treating people courteously either out of guilt or because we feel that a
particular person is important or can help our career is inauthentic, and other
people will soon recognize the insincerity. On the other hand, you can learn to be
genuinely courteous, and usually the effect on others and their behavior is the
best reinforcement for adopting a habit of courtesy. In most cases, when we
extend genuine courtesy to others, they respond positively to us. And having
people respond to us positively is a great confidence booster. In turn, as we
become more secure about ourselves, we become increasingly comfortable
treating others well, and soon courtesy becomes an integral element of our
character.
WHO CAN USE THIS BOOK?
This book provides some commonsense guidelines for handling some common
workplace situations in which knowing the right behavior can make the
difference in how others see us and respond to us.
Whether you are an established manager, in a new job, or entering or
reentering the workforce, a quick review of how to behave in a variety of
workplace situations will help you establish yourself as a socially mature,
valuable colleague whom people trust, admire, and want to be around.
Interpersonal communication is always unpredictable because we are each as
unique as our fingerprints. Therefore, you need to judge the ideas presented here
against the requirements of your own personality and those of your audience.
Choose what works for you, and put your own spin on those suggestions that
work for you in order to increase the chances of making your relationships with
others solid and mutually beneficial. As you read the chapters, consider how you
can apply some of these principles to your current or future work situations.
GETTING THE MOST FROM THIS BOOK
Think about the interpersonal skills you want to develop. Are you uncomfortable
in social situations with strangers? Do you struggle with building an effective
network of contacts you can call on when you need specific resources? Do you
want to make a better first impression? Do you want to increase your authority
and influence among coworkers? Do working lunches give you heartburn? Are
you unsure about how to interpret nonverbal signals?
Pick out the topics or chapters that seem to fit your particular needs and focus
on those sections. You’ll notice that each chapter ends with a bulleted summary
entitled “The Bottom Line,” which highlights the major messages of that section.
Although our complex world doesn’t provide simple answers, we can always
find ways to make interacting with our fellow human beings more rewarding and
interesting. We’re all on this often exciting, frustrating, perplexing, exhilarating
—and rarely ever boring—journey.
If we work together, we can all enjoy the trip.
TEST YOUR CQ (COURTESY QUOTIENT)
To get started on developing courteous behaviors, take this quiz to check your
courtesy quotient (CQ). The answer key at the end will give you an indication of
your understanding of key issues of courtesy and interpersonal savvy and your
proficiency in handling them. Some situations may depend more on good
judgment than a widely-accepted rule. In case of more than one right answer,
choose the one with which you would feel most comfortable. You may wish to
retake the quiz after reading the book to see if you have changed your mind
about any of your answers.
1. You are in the office on the telephone and another call comes in. You should: