The Emotional Compass: How to Think Better about Your Feelings

138 Pages·2016·1.47 MB·English

by  Ilse Sand

‘The book is written as simple, straightforward advice in
which complicated material is made easy to understand.
The language is reader-friendly and accommodates our
differences with great understanding.’
– Tidsskrift for Psykoterapi
(Journal of Psychotherapy)
‘Ilse Sand guides you with simple advice and concrete
exercises through the labyrinth of emotions, so you can
learn to let go of old, unwelcome patterns and start working
through your emotions – and, more to the point, achieve a
greater acceptance and understanding of your feelings and
the feelings of others.’
– Magasinet Psykologi
(Psychology Magazine)
by the same author
Highly Sensitive People in an Insensitive World
How to Create a Happy Life
Ilse Sand
Translated by Elisabeth Svanholmer
ISBN 978 1 78592 066 0
eISBN 978 1 78450 324 6
The
Emotional
Compass
HOW TO
THINK BETTER
ABOUT YOUR
FEELINGS
Ilse Sand
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia
First published by Forlaget Ammentorp, Denmark in 2011
English language edition first published in 2017
by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
73 Collier Street
London N1 9BE, UK
and
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright © Ilse Sand 2011, 2017
English language edition translated by Nina Sokol
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in
any material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium
by electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to
some other use of this publication) without the written permission of the
copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the
Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 6–10 Kirby Street, London
EC1N 8TS. Applications for the copyright owner’s written permission to
reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher.
Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work
may result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution.
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
Names: Sand, Ilse, author.
Title: The emotional compass : how to think better about your feelings / Ilse Sand.
Other titles: Find nye veje i f?lelsernes labyrint. English
Description: London ; Philadelphia : Jessica Kingsley Publishers, [2017] |
“First published by Forlaget Ammentorp, Denmark in 2011.” | Includes index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2016015815 | ISBN 9781785921278 (alk. paper)
Subjects: LCSH: Emotions. | Self-perception.
Classification: LCC BF561 .S26413 2017 | DDC 152.4--dc23 LC record
available at https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__
lccn.loc.gov_2016015815&d=BQIFAg&c=euGZstcaTDllvimEN8b7jXrwqOf-
v5A_CdpgnVfiiMM&r=jDhEGalRBceh95Jy341lNgmWR9tnCifzbrA2NWHfa
H8&m=0CCE5Br0LYMRXf9xAf7oQ5R9KjZTcVuKq0oTBLxQyOE&s=_
qnp6sNQy_9pRH5BjpuOa20svQBIhermhKkw8LOseXA&e=
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 78592 127 8
eISBN 978 1 78450 392 5
Contents
Preface 7
Introduction 9
1. Finding Your Primary Feeling in the Present 10
2. Distance Yourself from Your Thoughts 20
3. Avoid Unnecessary Conflict 25
4. Listen to the More Soft and Vulnerable
Feelings that Lie Beneath Anger 32
5. Say What You Wish for and Want 56
6. Resist Being ‘Sad’ or Embrace It Entirely 60
7. Use Your Envy Constructively 77
8. Listen to Your Feelings of Jealousy 86
9. Know Your Anxiety 90
10. Holding Back when Feelings Grow Strong 94
11. Let Joy and Happiness Unfold 97
12. Invest in Your Relationships 103
13. Save the Explanations: Expand Your
Self-Image 109
Story: The Hope 118
Appendix 1: Write a Farewell Letter 123
Appendix 2: Tables for Happiness Analysis 129
Thanks to… 131
Bibliography 132
Index 133
Preface
This book is written for those who would like to
become more knowledgeable about themselves on an
emotional level. It is also written for psychotherapists,
psychologists and other practitioners who help people
with their emotional problems.
Through the many years that I have conducted
courses and lectured on psychology I have discovered
the significant role that case studies play when you are
trying to make complicated material more accessible to
a wider audience. So in this book I have used numerous
examples deriving from the lives of my clients and course
participants, not to mention my own life.
The knowledge that I convey in this book is
knowledge that I have previously expressed through
the years, partly in my work as a course organiser and
lecturer and partly in my work as a therapist. I have
seen how an improved knowledge of the way in which
psychological mechanisms work and are connected has
made life easier for the people I have been in contact
with. I am now hoping to reach a wider audience with
this book.
My straightforward approach when giving advice in
this book is not meant to be seen as an instruction on
how to live life in the only ‘correct’ way. People are very
different and there is never a right way to do things
7
8 THE EMOTIONAL COMPASS
that applies to everyone. Find your own way, see my
advice as mere suggestions which you can choose either
to follow or not, and sense whether it feels right for you.
Your path may be an entirely different one which I have
not yet encountered.
You will get more out of the book if you read it from
start to finish, but it is also possible to read each chapter
independently of the rest of the book, just as you use a
reference book.
Ilse Sand