The Dragon Done It [Anthology] PDF
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The Dragon Done It by Eric Flint & Mike Resnick Table of Contents The Dragon Done It edited by Eric Flint and Mike Resnick This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental. Introduction copyright © 2008 by Eric Flint & Mike Resnick. "The Long and Short of It" copyright © 2008 by Mike Resnick. "The Witch's Murder" copyright © 2008 by Dave Freer and Eric Flint. See also acknowledgements page for further copyright information. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form. A Baen Books Original Baen Publishing Enterprises P.O. Box 1403 Riverdale, NY 10471 www.baen.com ISBN 10: 1-4165-5528-5 ISBN 13: 978-1-4165-5528-5 Cover art by Bob Eggleton First printing, March 2008 Distributed by Simon & Schuster 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10020 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data The dragon done it / edited by Eric Flint and Mike Resnick. p. cm. A cross-genre collection of stories by popular writers. ISBN-13: 978-1-4165-5528-5 (hc) ISBN-10: 1-4165-5528-5 (hc) 1. Detective and mystery stories, American. 2. Fantasy fiction, American. I. Flint, Eric. II. Resnick, Michael D. PS648.D4D73 2008 813'.087208--dc22 2007051120 Pages by Joy Freeman (www.pagesbyjoy.com) Printed in the United States of America Baen Books by Eric Flint Ring of Fire series: 1632 by Eric Flint 1633 by Eric Flint & David Weber 1634: The Baltic War by Eric Flint & David Weber Ring of Fire ed. by Eric Flint 1634: The Galileo Affair by Eric Flint & Andrew Dennis 1635: The Ram Rebellion by Eric Flint and Virginia DeMarce et al. 1635: The Cannon Law by Eric Flint & Andrew Dennis 1634: The Bavarian Crisis by Eric Flint & Virginia DeMarce Grantville Gazette ed. by Eric Flint Grantville Gazette II ed. by Eric Flint Grantville Gazette III ed. by Eric Flint Grantville Gazette IV ed. by Eric Flint Ring of Fire II ed. by Eric Flint Joe's World series: The Philosophical Strangler Forward the Mage (with Richard Roach) Standalone titles: Mother of Demons Crown of Slaves (with David Weber) The Course of Empire (with K.D. Wentworth) Mountain Magic (with Ryk E. Spoor, David Drake & Henry Kuttner) With Mercedes Lackey & Dave Freer: The Shadow of the Lion This Rough Magic With Dave Freer: Rats, Bats & Vats The Rats, The Bats & The Ugly Pyramid Scheme Pyramid Power With David Drake: The Tyrant The Belisarius Series with David Drake: An Oblique Approach In the Heart of Darkness Destiny's Shield Fortune's Stroke The Tide of Victory The Dance of Time Edited by Eric Flint The World Turned Upside Down (with David Drake & Jim Baen) The Best of Jim Baen's Universe The Best of Jim Baen's Universe II Copyright information for The Dragon Done It This is the first publication of "The Long and the Short of It." "Dead Wolf in a Hat" was first published in Realms of Fantasy, October 2005' "This Town Ain't Big Enough" was first published in Vampire Slayers, ed. By M. Greenberg and E. A. Scarborough, Cumberland House 1995. "The Case of the Four and Twenty Blackbirds" was first published in Knave, 1984. "The Whistling Room" was first published in The Idler, March 1910. "Doppelgangster" was first published in Murder by Magic, ed. Rosemary Edghill, Warner Aspect 2004. "Claus of Death" was first published in Slipstreams, ed. John Helfers and Martin Greenberg, DAW 2006. "McNamara's Fish" was first published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, July 1963. "Gunsel and Gretel" was first published in The Mammoth Book of Awesome Comic Fantasy, ed. Mike Ashley, Robinson 2001. "Alimentary, My Dear Watson" was first published in Sherlock Holmes in Orbit, ed. Mike Resnick and Martin Greenberg, DAW 1995. "Fox Tails" was first published in Realms of Fantasy, June 2005. "A Case of Identity" was first published in Analog, September 1964. "The Case of the Skinflint's Specters" was first published in Christmas Ghosts, ed. Mike Resnick and Martin Greenberg, DAW 1993. "The Black Bird" was first published in New Voices in Science Fiction, ed. Mike Resnick, DAW 2003. "The Enchanted Bunny" was first published in The Undesired Princess and the Enchanted Bunny, Baen Books 1990. "The Adventure of the Pearly Gates" was first published in Sherlock Holmes in Orbit, ed. Mike Resnick and Martin Greenberg, DAW 1995. "The Seventh Chapter" was first published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, September 1997. "The Detective of Dreams" was first published in Dark Forces, ed. Kirby McCauley, Viking Press 1980. This is the first publication of "The Witch's Murder." Editors' Introduction It was simply a fortunate confluence of events. Mike had just edited a pair of science fiction mystery anthologies—Down These Dark Spaceways and Alien Crimes—for the Science Fiction Book Club. Not too long ago Eric had edited a massive collection of Randall Garrett's beloved Lord Darcy stories, the first edition in history that puts all the stories together. In short, both of us were thinking along the same lines: science fiction, fantasy, mystery. And it occurred to us that, to the best of our knowledge, no one has yet put together an anthology of fantasy detective stories, as opposed to science fiction mysteries. It seemed hard to believe, since there are certainly enough examples out there, going back at least to the works of Poe and to the hinted-at but never-written Sherlock Holmes tale of "The Giant Rat of Sumatra." So we got together, approached Jim Baen with the idea, and got a contract—one of the very last he issued before his untimely death. Probably the two most famous fantasy sleuths are Lord Darcy, and Seabury Quinn's Jules de Grandin, who appeared in 121 stories in the old Weird Tales magazine. We were very familiar with the Darcy stories, but hadn't read the Quinn stories in decades. So Eric read half of them and Mike read the other half, and we came to the unhappy conclusion that they're a little too dated and a little too clumsily written. Having anchored the volume with one of the best Lord Darcy stories, we went a-hunting—and came up with stories by such superstars as Neil Gaiman, Harry Turtledove, Gene Wolfe, and David Drake. We resurrected a story by William Hope Hodgson, recent winner of the Cordwainer Smith Rediscovery Award, which was as old as the Jules de Grandin stories but read a lot better. Agatha Christie proved long ago that the detective story is not the private property of male writers, and we picked up fine stories from Esther Friesner, Tanya Huff, and Laura Resnick, then rounded out the book with another seven stories. We then looked at what we had. We felt they were a fine batch of stories but that perhaps something was missing. Since we each had written our own series of fantasy detective tales over the years, we decided to make this an even more unique collection by writing brand-new novelettes featuring our detectives, and start and finish the book with those two brand-new stories. So Mike wrote a new John Justin Mallory story, which is now the sixth novelette to go along with the original Mallory novel, Stalking the Unicorn. Those have been published in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction and Black Gate Magazine, and the anthologies Newer York, A Christmas Bestiary, and Masters of Fantasy. He's still negotiating the contract as we write these words, but he will be writing at least two more Mallory novels in the very near future. Eric and Dave Freer wrote a new novelette in the Heirs of Alexandria fantasy series they're doing with Mercedes Lackey (Shadow of the Lion, A Mankind Witch, This Rough Magic, Much Fall of Blood—with at least three more novels coming). We hope you enjoy the anthology. We think the most interesting thing about it is that, given the rules of each magical venue, the authors play as fair with the reader as Dashiell Hammett or Rex Stout ever did. Which is harder than you think in a universe filled with witches, goblins, and dragons. Eric & Mike December, 2006 The Long and Short of It A John Justin Mallory Story Mike Resnick John Justin Mallory was having a bad day. He'd gone out to Jamaica and picked the wrong horse six races in a row, a feat made even more remarkable by the fact that his favorite, Flyaway, who had lost fifty-four consecutive races, wasn't even entered. When he'd stopped by Joey Chicago's for a drink on the way home, he found out they were all out of Old Peculiar and that some irate mage had hexed the tap on the Old Washensox. He decided to eat at Morgan the Gorgon's 2-Star Diner and Hardware Store, made what he thought was a funny crack about wanting to eat Can't Miss, who had just missed by sixty-three lengths with Mallory's twenty dollars riding on him, and got a steak so rare that he could still see the jockey's whip marks. Finally he went back to the office, where with his partner Winnifred Carruthers he plied his trade as a private detective. Winnifred had gone home for the night, and he plopped down wearily in his chair, briefly looked at the Playmate he'd pinned up on the wall (and on which Winnifred had meticulously drawn undergarments), and considered taking a hit from the office bottle, which shared a drawer with his collection of old Racing Forms and garish pulp magazines. "Welcome back," said Perriwinkle, his magic mirror. "How much did you lose today? You did lose, didn't you? I mean, I haven't noticed the stars stopping in their courses or anything like that." "If there's one thing I hate, it's a lippy mirror." "I have no lips." "Details, details," muttered Mallory. "Let me show you something to relax you," suggested the mirror. "An old Bettie Page striptease might be nice," said Mallory. "Mundane," said Perriwinkle contemptuously. "But if you must see a stripper, how about Tassle-Twirling Tessie Twinkle, the Lizard Girl? She removes her skin four times a night, and five on Saturdays." "Please," said Mallory. "I almost just ate." "Okay, hurt my feelings, spit on my offerings," said the mirror. "See if I care." It fell silent, and began displaying a 1934 Southwest Association game between the Phoenix Pompadours and the Great Falls Geldings. "Wonderful," said Mallory. He spent the next half hour opening his mail, which consisted entirely of unpaid bills, except for an ad to eat at Cannibal Joe's new all-night diner, which moved to a new location each day (or oftener if necessary). He finally finished, made a paper plane out of the heating bill, and gently tossed it toward the fireplace on the far wall. It got halfway there when a graceful figure that at first seemed human but was definitely feline launched itself from its perch atop the refrigerator in the next room and snared the bill in her mouth. "If you like it, I have a dozen more," said Mallory dryly. "I'll even pour a little mustard on them for you." "I thought it was a little white bird," said the cat person, spitting the bill onto the floor. "A fat little white bird. A fat helpless little white bird. A delicious fat helpless . . ." "Spare me the catalog of its virtues." "All right," she said, hopping lightly onto his desk and lying on her stomach. "Skritch between my shoulder blades." "I've been meaning to ask you for some time now, Felina," said Mallory. "What exactly is the difference between scratching and skritching?" Felina reached out a hand, extended her fingers, and suddenly a two-inch
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