The Dark Side of Courtship: Physical and Sexual Aggression

192 Pages·1999·8.15 MB·English

by  Sally A. Lloyd

TheDarkSide
ofCourtship
SAGE SERIES ON
C L O SE R E L A T I O N S H I PS
ma
Series Editors
Clyde Hendrick, Ph.D., and
Susan S. Hendrick, Ph.D.
In this series...
ROMANTIC LOVE
by Susan S. Hendrick and Clyde Hendrick
COURTSHIP
by Rodney M. Cate and Sally A. Lloyd
ADULT FRIENDSHIP
by Rosemary Blieszner and Rebecca G. Adams
TWO CAREERS/ONE FAMILY
by Lucia Albino Gilbert
SELF-DISCLOSURE
by Valerian J. Derlega, Sandra Metts,
Sandra Petronio, and Stephen T. Margulis
SEXUALITY
by Susan Sprecher and Kathleen McKinney
FACEWORK
by William R. Cupach and Sandra Metts
MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS
by Steve Duck
REMARRIED FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
by Lawrence H. Ganong and Marilyn Coleman
RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT
by Daniel J. Canary, William R. Cupach, and Susan J. Messman
RELATIONSHIPS IN CHRONIC ILLNESS AND DISABILITY
by Renee F. Lyons, Michael J. L. Sullivan, and Paul G. Ritvo
with James C. Coyne
FRIENDSHIP PROCESSES
by Beverley Fehr
SOCIAL SUPPORT IN COUPLES
by Carolyn E. Cutrona
ADULT ATTACHMENT
by Judith Feeney and Patricia Noller
GENDER AND CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
by Barbara A. Winstead, Valerian J. Derlega, and Suzanna Rose
MARITAL EQUALITY
by Janice M. Steil
LUST
by Pamela C. Regan and Ellen Berscheid
THE DARK SIDE OF COURTSHIP
by Sally A. Lloyd and Beth C. Emery
TheDarkSide
ofCourtship
Physical and
Sexual Aggression
®
Sage Publications, Inc.
International Educational and Professional Publisher
Thousand Oaks • London • New Delhi
Copyright © 2000 by Sage Publications, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or
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Printed in the United States of America
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Lloyd, Sally A.
The dark side of courtship: Physical and sexual agression / by
Sally A. Lloyd, Beth C. Emery,
p. cm. — (Sage series on close relationships)
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-8039-7063-3 (cloth: acid-free paper)
ISBN 0-8039-7064-1 (pbk: acid-free paper)
1. Dating violence. 2. Courtship. I. Emery, Beth C. II. Title.
ΙΠ. Series.
HQ801.83 .L56 2000
306.73—dc21
99-6749
00 01 02 03 04 05 06 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Acquiring Editor: Jim Brace-Thompson
Editorial Assistant: Anna Howland
Production Editor: Diana E. Axelsen
Editorial Assistant: Victoria Cheng
Typesetter: Christina M. Hill
Contents
Series Editors' Introduction ix
Acknowledgments xi
1. "I Never Thought It Would Happen to Me":
The Dark Side of Romance 1
The Literature on Physical and
Sexual Aggression in Courtship 4
The Prevalence of Courtship Aggression 4
The Correlates of Courtship Aggression 5
The Impact of Courtship Aggression 8
Overview of This Volume 9
2. A Framework for Understanding Physical and
Sexual Aggression in Courtship 11
Building a Framework 12
Feminist Perspectives 14
Relational Perspectives 19
Social Constructivist and Discourse Contributions 22
The Discourse of Courtship 24
The Discourse of Aggression 31
Summary and Conceptual Model 37
Choosing a Method and an Analysis Strategy
for the Study of the Dark Side of Courtship 40
3. "I Wouldn't Hurt You If I Didn't Love You So Much":
The Dynamics of Physical Aggression 45
The Physical Aggression Experiences 48
The Relational Dynamics of Physical Aggression 50
Catalysts to Violence 51
Communication Dynamics 56
Responding to His Aggression 59
The Aftermath of Aggression 63
The Dynamics of Control 65
Domination of an Argument 66
Domination of the Woman and the Relationship 67
Keeping Her in the Relationship 70
Ownership and Extreme Control of Her Persona 71
Summary of the Dynamics of Control 73
Constructing Meaning Around the Experience of
Physical Aggression 74
Disbelief and Confusion 75
Excusing the Aggressor 78
The Dynamics of Blaming the Victim 80
Refraining the Aggression and Leaving the
Relationship 84
A Final Note 87
4. "I Never Called It Rape": Sexual Aggression in
Dating Relationships 89
The Sexual Aggression Experiences 91
Age and Level of Sexual Experience 91
Relationship Context 94
The Interplay of Sexual and Physical Aggression 94
The Relational Dynamics of Sexual Aggression 96
Catalysts to Aggression 96
The Dynamics of the Sexually Aggressive Actions 100
Responses of Victims 103
Responses of Perpetrators 106
The Dynamics of Control 108
Control and the Interplay of Physical and
Sexual Force 109
Possession and Ownership 111
Power Motivations 112
Relationship Fraud 114
Summary of the Dynamics of Control 117
"Constructing Meaning" Around the Experience
of Sexual Aggression 118
Confusion 118
Excusing and Forgiving the Aggressor 121
The Dynamics of Blaming the Victim 124
Refraining the Aggression: Holding the
Aggressor Accountable 127
A Final Note 129
5. Conclusions and Implications for Intervention 131
Conclusions About Aggression in Courtship 132
Most Young Women Believe Aggression
Will Never Happen in Their Relationships 132
Control Is a Key Dynamic in Both Physical
and Sexual Aggression 133
Aggression Intersects With Interpersonal
Communication on Multiple Levels 134
Victims of Physical and Sexual Aggression
Are Silenced in Multiple Ways 135
A Sense of Betrayal and Self-Blame Are Pervasive
Effects of Experiencing Aggression 136
Women Who Survive Physical and Sexual
Aggression Display Insight and Resiliency 137
Implications for Intervention 138
A Final Note of Thanks 141
Appendix A: Physical Aggression Interview Protocol 143
Appendix B: Sexual Aggression Interview Protocol 147
References 151
Author Index 169
Subject Index 175
About the Authors 179

Series Editors'Introduction
W
hen we first began our work on love attitudes more than a
decade ago, we did not know what to call our research
area. In some ways, it represented an extension of earlier work in
interpersonal attraction. Most of our scholarly models were psy-
chologists (although sociologists had long been deeply involved in
the areas of courtship and marriage), yet we sometimes felt as if
our work had no professional "home." That has all changed. Our
research not only has a home but also has an extended family, and
the family is composed of relationships researchers. During the
past decade, the discipline of close relationships (also called per-
sonal relationships and intimate relationships) has emerged, de-
veloped, and flourished.
Two aspects of close relationships research should be noted. The
first is its rapid growth, resulting in numerous books, journals, hand-
books, book series, and professional organizations. As fast as the field
grows, the demand for even more research and knowledge seems to
be ever increasing. Questions about close personal relationships
still far exceed answers. The second noteworthy aspect of the new dis-
cipline of close relationships is its interdisciplinary nature. The field
owes its vitality to scholars from communications, family studies and
human development, psychology (clinical, counseling, developmen-
tal, social), and sociology, as well as other disciplines such as nursing
and social work. It is this interdisciplinary wellspring that gives close
ix