The cycle of the gift: family wealth and wisdom

174 Pages·2012·3.1 MB·English

by  James E. Hughes Jr.

Praise for
The Cycle of the Gift
“From abundance to ‘affl uenza’—how often families unwittingly
create what they most dread! A generous spirit and crystal-clear
values are the foundation that protect a family from spiraling into
dysfunction and entitlement. T he Cycle of the Gift is the perfect
blueprint for those who wish their giving to be a true gift.”
—Charlotte B. Beyer, Founder & Former CEO, Institute for Private
Investors, Investor Education Collaborative
“This is a remarkable book. It truly helps illuminate the issues and
breakthrough conversations that families can have around giving to
their children and grandchildren.”
—Charles W. Collier, Former Senior Philanthropic Advisor,
Harvard University
“The authors have given the reader much to consider—the spirit
of giving, the desired eff ect when making gifts, and the function
of the gift over the form. Like F amily Wealth , this book puts a
spotlight on the most important questions for family members to
contemplate when making gifts and off ers the potential for com-
pletely diff erent outcomes from the experience. If you read this
book, you will not have to ask, ‘how much is enough?’”
—Sara Hamilton, Founder and CEO, Family Offi ce Exchange
The Cycle of the Gift James E. Hughes, Susan E. Massenzio and Keith Whitaker
© 2013 James E. Hughes, Susan E. Massenzio, and Keith Whitaker.
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“With thoughtfulness and clarity based on a multi-discipline col-
laboration of considerable expertise, Jay Hughes, Susan Massenzio
and Keith Whitaker challenge readers to mindfully consider the
dynamics which occur between a gift giver and the recipient. The
Cycle of the Gift is an invaluable resource for both individuals and
the advisory community so that the ‘ spirit of the gift’ is one that
will enable the receiver to integrate it in a manner which will con-
tribute to self-actualization and fl ourishing.”
—Dr. Lee Hausner, Managing Director,
First Foundation Advisors
“ The Cycle of the Gift: Family Wealth and Wisdom is a must read for
affl uent families. It deals with one of the most diffi cult and pro-
found issues: how much should I give and what process should I
follow? It provides powerful insights to help family members
become mindful givers and receivers. The authors do a remark-
able job of spotlighting the spiritual benefi ts a family can enjoy
through giving. As the book so eloquently details, it is one thing
to give but an entirely diff erent activity to ensure the gift will
have a positive impact on those who will benefi t.”
—Mel Lagomasino, CEO, GenSpring Family Offi ces
“This extraordinary book is a gift. Its contribution is helping us under-
stand the complete cycle of any gift. I was particularly touched by the
dynamics between the giver and recipient, and how emotional and
misunderstood it can be. The true gift of this book and of its writ-
ers is turning awkward situations and even pain … into joy!”
—Thomas R. Livergood, CEO, The Family Wealth Alliance
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“The best learning comes when a book is able to take something
that you do and consider important, and guide you to step back and
look with fresh eyes to see how you are wasting opportunities
and possibilities that are easily adopted. T he Cycle of the Gift takes
the process of giving, a foundation of all society, and takes us on a
journey to understand its deeper nature. The core idea—that the
act of delivering the gift is not complete in itself, but rather one
that depends on deeper refl ection on its intention, context, and
communication to fulfi ll its purpose. The book is philosophical,
taking us deeper, but also practical, with stories and clear actions,
that will truly transform your relations with the people you care
about.”
—Dennis Jaff e, Saybrook University
“These well-versed authors off er a golden blend of technically
astute practical guidance and the foundational spiritual and
classical knowledge of wisdom, discernment, and counsel.”
—Paul G. Schervish, Professor and Director of the
Center on Wealth and Philanthropy at Boston College
“Families with wealth face a great and persistent challenge: how
to give to children and grandchildren in ways that enhance their
lives rather than creates dependency. T he Cycle of the Gift faces this
challenge squarely with sound and prudent counsel. If leaving a
legacy is important to you, this is a must read.”
—James P. Steiner, President, Abbot Downing,
a Wells Fargo Business
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The Cycle
of the Gift
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The Cycle
of the Gift
Family Wealth
and Wisdom
James E. Hughes
Susan E. Massenzio
Keith Whitaker
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Cover Design: Wendy Mount
Cover Image: © Mondadori Portfolio/UIG/Getty Images
Copyright © 2013 by James E. Hughes, Susan E. Massenzio, and Keith Whitaker.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.
Published simultaneously in Canada.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
Hughes, James E., Jr.
The cycle of the gift [electronic resource] : family wealth and wisdom / James E. Hughes,
Susan E. Massenzio, Keith Whitaker.
1 online resource.
Includes index.
Description based on print version record and CIP data provided by publisher; resource
not viewed.
ISBN 978-1-118-48759-4 (cloth); ISBN 978-1-118-48837-9 (ebk) ;
ISBN 978-1-118-48834-8 (ebk) ; ISBN 978-1-118-48836-2 (ebk)
1. Families. 2. Wealth. 3. Families—Economic aspects. 4. Estate planning.
I. Massenzio, Susan E. II. Whitaker, Albert Keith. III. Title.
HQ734
306.85— dc23
2012033837
Printed in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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To Peter Karoff , whose gift to me of his question “what about
a family’s spiritual capital” inspired this book, thank you
To Jacqueline Merrill, who put her arm through mine,
thank you.
—Jay Hughes
To my mother, whose spirit of giving and receiving well I have
internalized. Thank you.
To my wonderful son, who teaches me how to give and
receive wisely. Thank you. May you continue to fl ourish.
To Nancy Lundy and my dear friends: I treasure your gifts
of friendship. Thank you.
To my family: thank you for being there.
—Susan Massenzio
To my family,
To my friends,
And to my loving partner, who is the greatest gift of all.
—Keith Whitaker
To Anne D’Andrea, the fourth author of this book: without
your contributions to our collaboration this book would never
have been born. Thank you.
—From all of us
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The person who kindly guides another on his way,
Lights as it were another’s lantern from his own
Nor is his light the less for kindling the other.
—Cicero, On Duties
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Contents
Preface xv
Acknowledgments xix
Introduction xxv
Chapter 1 The Elephant in the Room 1
Grandparents’ Checks 2
When Giving Becomes an Opportunity 4
Chapter 2 The Spirit of the Gift 7
Where the Spirit Leads 11
The Who of Giving
Chapter 3 Becoming a Wise Giver 17
Know Thyself 18
How Much? 21
Guilt and Remorse 24
Nothing Too Much 26
xi
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