The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

484 Pages·1990·13.922 MB·English

by  Laura Davis

For Women and Men
Survivors of
Child Sexual Abuse
Davis
_ coauthor of The Courage to Heal
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THE COURAGE
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__WORKBOOK

THE COURAGE
TO HEAL
WORKBOOK
FOR WOMEN AND MEN SURVIVORS
OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
LAURA DAVIS
PERENNIAL LIBRARY
HARPER & ROW, PUBLS ee Ne w Yo mK
Gra na pids, ae got Lou
cae , Sin e,S yd ne Tek Tot
WORKSHOPS AND LECTURES
Laura Davis offers trainings for professionals, public lectures, groups for
partners, and workshops for survivors on healing from child sexual abuse.
If you are interested in bringing one to your area, please contact her agent:
Denise Notzon
P.O. Box 6555
Albany, CA 94706
For a schedule of upcoming lectures, workshops, and seminars, please write
to the address below. Laura welcomes any feedback, responses, suggestions,
or ideas for improving or expanding upon the exercises in The Courage to
Heal Workbook but regrets that she is unable to answer individual letters,
phone calls, or requests for referrals. (Try calling the organizations listed
on page 453 for referrals.) If you write in response to the workbook, please
indicate whether quotes from your letter can be used in trainings or future
books.
Laura Davis
P.O. Box 8503
Santa Cruz, CA 95061-8503
THE COURAGE TO HEAL WORKBOOK. Copyright © 1990 by Laura Davis. All rights
reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used
or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the
case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information
address Harper & Row, Publishers, Inc., 10 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022.
FIRST EDITION
Designed by Laura Hough
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Davis, Laura.
The courage to‘heal workbook: for adult survivors of child sexual abuse/Laura
Davis.
. em.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 0-06-096437-5 (pbk.)
1. Adult child sexual abuse victims—Rehabilitation. 2. Adult child sexual
abuse victims—Psychology. 3. Self-help techniques. 4. Adult child sexual abuse
victims—RehabilitatUinoitne—d States. I. Title.
HQ71.D245 1990
616.85'83—dc20 89-45646
9091.92 8S O4e (DT (10°ONR Foes 4 3.2 1
To my father, Abe Davis, for always encouraging me to be myself
CORMENIS
x
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
xii
DEDICATIONS
xiv
SPECIAL PAGES
INTRODUCTION ]
About Language ¢ Where Am I Right Now? ¢ What It Will
Feel Like to Use This Book
ABOUT THE EXERCISES IN THIS BOOK 9
Writing as a Healing Tool ¢ About Freewriting @ Artasa
Healing Tool ¢ About Making Collages
PART ONE: SURVIVAL SKILLS FOR HEALING 15
19
CREATING SAFETY
The Five Building Blocks of Safety ¢ Create Ground Rules ¢
Build a Container ¢ Find a Safe Spot ¢ Establish Your
Privacy @ Establish a Protective Ritual
BUILDING YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM 35
Creating a Support System ¢ Helps and Hindrances to
Healing ¢ Therapists and Therapy
DEALING WITH CRISIS 64
When I’m Lost and Scared ¢ Phone List for Hard Times ¢
When I Start to Panic ¢ Things I Can Do When I’m
Overwhelmed ¢ Dealing with Suicidal Feelings ¢ My Suicide
Prevention Plan ¢ The Emergency Stage ¢ Simplify Your
Life ¢ Ask for Help ¢ Create a Light at the End of the Tunnel
NURTURING YOURSELF 89
Learning to Nurture Yourself
MARKING THE WAY 98
Marking the Way: A Writing Exercise ¢ What Have I Already
Accomplished? ¢ Celebrating Your Accomplishments
PART TWO: TAKING STOCK 1
WHERE DID | COME FROM? 115
When I Was Growing Up @ Name the Abuser
THE EFFECTS: HOW DID IT CHANGE MY LIFE? 123
Assessing the Damage @ Identifying My Strengths © Activity.
Picturing the Effects © Putting the Abuse in Perspective
144
COPING: HOW DID | SURVIVE?
Identifying Coping Mechanisms ¢ Forgiving Yourself ¢ The
Pros and Cons of Coping Behaviors ¢ Developing Healthier
Ways of Coping
PART THREE: ASPECTS OF HEALING 165
169
THE DECISION TO HEAL
Preparing for Change ¢ Facing an Uncertain Future ¢
Willingness ¢ About Courage © Activity: Designinga Warrior
Mask @ Expanding Your Capacity for Hope © Putting Hope
Aside: A Writing Exercise ¢ My Hopes Today ¢ Making Hopes
Come True
204
REMEMBERING
What Is a Memory? @ Piecing Together the Puzzle ¢ If You
Don’t Remember @ What Am I Afraid Of? © Activity: Picturing
What I Don’t Know © What Happened to You: A Writing Exercise
BELIEVING IT HAPPENED 224
I Don’t Want to Believe It ¢ Research Your Childhood
BREAKING SILENCE 234
Why Tell? ¢ Simple Telling or Confrontation? ¢ Childhood
Lessons: Silence @ If You Told ¢ A Few Choice Words on
Telling the Truth ¢ Guidelines for Telling
UNDERSTANDING THAT IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT 256
Letting Go of Shame ¢ Identifying Hidden Shame ¢ Replacing
Shame with Reality ¢ Observing Children ¢ Evidence of
Childhood ¢ The Child Within ¢ Activity: Picturing the Child
Within © Letter to an Abused Child: A Writing Exercise
LEARNING TO TRUST YOURSELF 274
Being Present ¢ Internalized Messages @ The Inner
Voice @ Learning to Say No @ Saying No: A Writing Exercise
GRIEVING AND MOURNING 302
Naming Your Losses: A Writing Exercise @ Activity: Creating a
Gneving Ritual
ANGER 315
Anger Inventory ¢ Fear of Anger ¢ Letters to an Abuser: A Pair
of Writing Exercises @ Anger into Action ® Activity: The Banner
Project ® Forgiveness?
CONFRONTATIONS 340
What Have I Done Already? ¢ Should I Confront? ¢
Vanquishing Secret Hopes ¢ Making a Confrontation
Plan e After the Confrontation ¢ The Other Eulogy:
A Writing Exercise
DEALING WITH YOUR FAMILY NOW 367
What Is a Family? @ Evaluating My Family of Origin ¢
Redefining Family ¢ Looking at Individual Relationships ¢
Setting the Ground Rules ¢ Planning for Family Contact ¢
Developing Realistic Expectations ¢ Giving Up the Fantasy:
A Writing Exercise @ Letting Go: An Activity ® Enjoying Your
New Family: A Writing Exercise