The Complete Idiot's Guide to Caring for Aging Parents

361 Pages·2016·4.78 MB·English

by  Linda Colvin Rhodes

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Caring for
Aging Parents
by Linda Colvin Rhodes, Ed.D.
Macmillan USA, Inc.
201 West 103rd Street
Indianapolis, IN 46290
A Pearson Education Company
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To my Mom and Dad, Shirley M. Baressi and John W. Colvin. May I do
as well by you as you have by me.
Copyright © 2001 by Linda Colvin Rhodes, Ed.D.
All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval sys-
tem, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording,
or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. No patent liability is as-
sumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein. Although every
precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and author
assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for
damages resulting from the use of information contained herein. For information, ad-
dress Alpha Books, 201 West 103rd Street, Indianapolis, IN 46290.
THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO and Design are registered trademarks of
Macmillan USA, Inc.
International Standard Book Number: 0-7865-3439-7
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: Available upon request.
03 02 01 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Interpretation of the printing code: The rightmost number of the first series of num-
bers is the year of the book’s printing; the rightmost number of the second series of
numbers is the number of the book’s printing. For example, a printing code of 01-1
shows that the first printing occurred in 2001.
Printed in the United States of America
Note: This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to
provide helpful and informative material on the subject matter covered. It is sold with
the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering profes-
sional services in the book. If the reader requires personal assistance or advice, a com-
petent professional should be consulted.
The author and publisher specifically disclaim any responsibility for any liability, loss
or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indi-
rectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.
Making or distributing electronic copies of this book constitutes copyright
infringement and could subject the infringer to criminal and civil liability
02 3943-x FM 9/26/00 5:38 PM Page iii
Publisher
Marie Butler-Knight
Product Manager
Phil Kitchel
Managing Editor
Cari Luna
Senior Acquisitions Editor
Renee Wilmeth
Development Editor
Lynn Northrup
Senior Production Editor
Christy Wagner
Copy Editor
Susan Aufheimer
Cartoonist
Brian Moyer
Cover Designers
Mike Freeland
Kevin Spear
Book Designers
Scott Cook and Amy Adams of DesignLab
Indexer
Deborah Hittel
Lisa Wilson
Layout/Proofreading
Mary Hunt
Gloria Schurick
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Contents at a Glance
Part 1: Seeing Aging Through Your Parents’ Eyes 1
1 Aging as Your Parent Sees It 3
Dealing with ageism and changes in family roles.
2 Getting to Know a Different Body 11
Physical changes everybody goes through.
3 Not-So-Normal Aging: The Physical Side 23
Physical problems your parents should guard against.
4 Not-So-Normal Aging: The Mental Side 35
Mental health problems many people face with aging.
5 Brain Attacks (Strokes) and Heart Attacks 47
How to be on the alert for strokes and heart attacks.
6 Alzheimer’s Disease and Cancer 57
Understanding dementia and cancer.
Part 2: The World of Geriatric Health Care 69
7 Managing the Health Care Maze--Even from a Distance 71
Manage the world of geriatrics and give your parents an
edge.
8 Pills and Your Parents 83
Stay on top of America’s other drug problem.
9 A Trip to the Hospital 95
Protect your parent; become a patient advocate.
10 Home Health Care 107
Know what your parent really needs and how to find it.
Part 3: Understanding You and Your Parent’s Options 119
11 Remaining at Home: Making It Work 121
Strategies to make living at home safe and senior-friendly.
12 Living in the Community: Services and Transportation 133
Finding community services and deciding if Mom should
drive to get there.
13 Housing Options 147
Creative ways to stay in the community.
14 Assisted Living 157
Know when it’s right for Dad and where to look.
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15 Choosing a Nursing Home 167
Finding a good one, who pays, and when it’s for the best.
16 Living in a Nursing Home 179
Make your visits count and learn what to watch out for.
Part 4: Caregiving: Coming to Live with You 189
17 Are You Up for This? 191
Assessing whether or not you can handle caregiving.
18 Caring for Someone at Home: The Basics 201
Strategies to make it work for both of you.
19 You Can’t Do It All 213
How to take care of yourself so you can take care of Dad.
20 End-of-Life Matters and Hospice 223
Providing for a good death.
Part 5: Financial and Legal Matters 235
21 Got to Have Those M&Ms: Medicare and Medicaid 237
Making sense of federal Medicare and state Medicaid.
22 The Saving Private Ryan Generation 251
What the Veterans Administration has to offer.
23 Beating Out-of-Pocket Expenses 261
Smart consumer tips and the skinny on long-term care
insurance.
24 Planning for Incapacity 273
Basics on living wills, durable power of attorney, and
guardianship.
25 Lawyers, Wills, and Estate Planning 283
Talking to your parents about their assets. Elder law
lawyers to the rescue!
Appendixes
A Resources 293
B National List of State Units on Aging 307
C Dr. Rhodes’ Nursing Home Navigator 317
D Nursing Home Bill of Rights 325
Index 327
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Contents
Part 1: Seeing Aging Through Your Parents’ Eyes 1
1 Aging as Your Parent Sees It 3
Living in an Ageist Society ..................................................3
Change of Roles....................................................................5
Fight for Independence........................................................6
Fears......................................................................................6
The Upside of Aging ............................................................8
You’re Not Alone..................................................................8
2 Getting to Know a Different Body 11
The Aging Explosion ..........................................................12
Two Kinds of Aging............................................................12
Primary Aging ....................................................................12
Secondary Aging..................................................................13
Aging: Everybody’s Doing It ..............................................14
The Vision Thing................................................................14
What Did You Say? ............................................................14
I’ve Had It with Counting Sheep! ........................................17
The Hot and Cold of It........................................................19
Now, Why Did I Go to the Store?........................................20
3 Not-So-Normal Aging: The Physical Side 23
Hard to Hold: Incontinence ..............................................24
What Can Be Done? ..........................................................25
Other Options ....................................................................26
Vision Under Attack ..........................................................27
Cataracts............................................................................27
Glaucoma ..........................................................................28
Macular Degeneration ........................................................28
Diabetic Retinopathy ..........................................................29
Diabetes at Her Age? ..........................................................29
Osteoporosis........................................................................31
Arthritis ..............................................................................32
Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) ............33
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4 Not-So-Normal Aging: The Mental Side 35
Why Your Parents’ Mental Health Is at Risk......................36
Changes in Sleep Patterns....................................................36
Medications........................................................................36
Fears ..................................................................................36
Multiple Losses ..................................................................37
Alcohol................................................................................38
When It’s More Than Just the Blues..................................39
What Is Depression? ..........................................................40
So What Can You Do?........................................................40
Can a Pill Fix It?................................................................41
Suicide ................................................................................42
Anxiety Disorders ..............................................................43
Seeking Help ......................................................................44
Lifestyle Changes: Good for the Mind ..............................45
5 Brain Attacks (Strokes) and Heart Attacks 47
Brain Attacks (Strokes)........................................................48
Brain Attack Lingo..............................................................48
TIA ....................................................................................48
Ischemic Stroke ..................................................................49
Hemorrhagic Stroke ............................................................49
The Stroke Forecast ............................................................49
Preventing Strokes..............................................................50
Heart Attacks ......................................................................50
Parents in the Driver’s Seat ................................................51
The Big Four “Widow Makers” ..........................................52
High Blood Pressure ............................................................52
Cholesterol..........................................................................53
Angina................................................................................54
Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) ..........................................55
6 Alzheimer’s Disease and Cancer 57
Alzheimer’s: Just How Common Is It? ..............................58
Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease....................................58
The Warning Signs..............................................................58
If You Think Your Mom or Dad Has Dementia....................59
The Three Stages of Alzheimer’s Disease............................61
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The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Caring for Aging Parents
The Big “C”: Cancer ..........................................................62
Your Parent’s View..............................................................62
What Is Cancer? ................................................................63
The Danger Signs................................................................63
Getting the Diagnosis..........................................................64
Getting Treatment ..............................................................65
Never Too Old to Prevent Cancer ........................................66
Part 2: The World of Geriatric Health Care 69
7 Managing the Health Care Maze—
Even from a Distance 71
Getting Organized..............................................................72
Geriatric Assessments—Getting the Lay of the Land........73
Geriatricians........................................................................74
Coming Up with a Family Plan..........................................75
Long-Distance Caregiving..................................................76
Advance Work ....................................................................76
Making Your Visit Count ....................................................77
Cyber Seniors: Staying in Touch via Computer ....................79
Geriatric Care Managers ....................................................79
What Do Geriatric Care Managers Charge? ........................80
Questions to Ask a Potential Care Manager ........................80
8 Pills and Your Parents 83
Seniors on Drugs ................................................................84
Drugs That Don’t Get Along ..............................................84
Not Following Directions ....................................................85
Over-the-Counter Drugs ......................................................85
Different Bodies, Different Doses ........................................86
Working with Doctors........................................................86
Working with Pharmacists ................................................87
“I’d Rather Fight Than Switch”..........................................88
Tips on Taking Meds ..........................................................90
Buying Medications on the Internet..................................90
Saving Money on Prescriptions..........................................92
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Contents
9 A Trip to the Hospital 95
Finding the Right Hospital ................................................96
Arriving by Ambulance ......................................................97
Consent at the Registration Desk ......................................97
Medical Errors in Hospitals ................................................98
Infections............................................................................99
Physician Error..................................................................100
Bed Sores ..........................................................................101
Becoming a Patient Advocate ..........................................102
Trust Your Instincts ..........................................................103
If You Can’t Be There........................................................103
Home Sweet Home ..........................................................104
10 Home Health Care 107
What Does Your Parent Need? ........................................108
Homemaker Care..............................................................108
Home Health Care Aide ....................................................109
Skilled Care ......................................................................110
Searching for Providers ....................................................110
Hiring Through a Home Health Care Agency ................111
Who’s Who in the Home Health Care Biz ......................112
Durable Medical Equipment (DME) and Supply
Companies......................................................................113
Pharmaceutical and Infusion Therapy Companies ............113
The Cast of Therapists......................................................114
Who Pays for What? ........................................................115
Setting Up Ground Rules..................................................116
Nurturing a Relationship..................................................117
Be Careful..........................................................................117
Part 3: Understanding You and Your Parent’s
Options 119
11 Remaining at Home: Making It Work 121
Home Safe Home..............................................................122
Outside Safety ..................................................................122
Inside Safety......................................................................124
Creating a Senior-Friendly Home ....................................124
Dining in: The Kitchen......................................................125
Danger Zone: The Bathroom ............................................125
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