The Comfortable Coffin: A Gold Medal Anthology

196 Pages·2012·35.69 MB·English

by  Prather Richard S

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THE
C0MF0I1ABLE
COFFIN
From the
Mystery Writers of America-
15 of their wisest, wickedest, and wittiest
stories edited by
RICHARD PRATHER
S.
ELLERY QUEEN EVAN HUNTER
•
STANLEY ELLIN VERONICA PARKER JOHNS
•
ERLE STANLEY GARDNER and others

The
Comfortable
Coffin
—
An introduction by
Richard S. Prather
This book has been designed for your uninhibited enjoy-
ment, with t—he hope that whil—e reading it you will smile, and
chuckle, and more than once laugh out loud.
When I first wrote the membership of Mystery Writers of
America about this year's anthology, I asked them for "the
light touch," merry mysteries which would leave readers in a
warm glow instead of a cold sweat. The membership respon-
ded so splendidly that you will find in these pages everything
from light-hearted larceny to death without sting, each piece
written in the light vein rather than the gory artery. In this
book the blunt instruments are velvet saps, the daggers merely
tickle, and the blood (if any) runs pink.
These writers are pros, men and women who cover the
skeleton of plot with the flesh of solid craftsmanship and
stamp of individual style. The book begins with Fessier
and ends with Finney, and I guarantee that you will enter
chuckling and leave happy. In between you will be entertained
by such masters as Erie Stanley Gardner, Ellery Queen, and
Stanley Ellin. You will have a bubbling good time with "Kiss
Me, Dudley" (a new Evan Hunter to many of you), and there
is the sure professional touch of Robert Arthur, Dion Hender-
son, and William O'Farrell, plus thoroughly delightful stories
from MWA's corresponding members, Michael Gilbert and
MWA
Berkely Mather of England. In last year's anthology,
its editor, John D. MacDonald, referr—ed to the la—dies as "The
Lethal Sex," and in the collection he and they proved the
ladies are just that; but they are also lovely and witty and
charming, proved here by the artistry of such solid pros as
Dana Lyon, Margaret Manners, and Veronica Parker Johns.
And, like it or not, the editor includes a Shell Scott story by
the editor.
This collection has been planned to amuse you, but it has,
—
— —
Eerhaps, another virtue. It seems at least to me that we are
eset these days by much designed to make us feel miserable,
created by people who would send "Get Sick" cards to con-
valescents and, at weddings, throw cooked rice: plays that rise
to peaks of dullness, paintings that look like upset stomachs,
books that read like long suicide notes . . . such a flood of
woe and weeping, of pessimism and Freudian cuckooism, that
we are in imminent danger of drowning entirely in misery and
tired blood. — —
But not this time. Here is a raft or at least a straw in that
rotting sea of tears. For this is a book intended to make you
feel good, jolly, even heaMltWhy.AI hope it does. At any rate, it is
ahappy book that we of MWgAiv—e you.
Some f—acts re this fiction: MysteryWriters of Amer-
ica, Inc. is a nonprofit organization of mystery and crime
writers established to improve the state of mystery writing and
mystery writers. MWA's slogan is: "CriMmWe Adoes not pay
enough!" Yet, despite that slogan, each member here
represented generously contributed his or her story knowing
MWA
that moneys received go into the treasury, not the au-
thor's pocket, after taxes. Each year such an anthology as this
is published, with a different theme and a different editor.
This is, I am pleased tosay, numberthirteen.
With that cheerful thought, I leave you. My pleasant labor,
and that of the other contributors to this volume, is ended;
your enjoyment is about to start.
Begin, then, with what well may be the funniest and most
agreeably outrageous courtroom scene ever written, and pro-
ceed ... at your pleasure.
Richard S. Prather
Laguna Beach, California
Comfortable
Coffin
A Gold Medal Anthology
Edited by
Richard Prather
S.
GOLD MEDAL BOOKS
Fawcett Publications, Inc., Greenwich, Conn.
THE BOTTLED WIFE by Michael Fessier, copyright 1952 by Esquire. Inc. Re-
printed by permission of the author and author's agent, Harold Matson Co.
A COFFIN FOR MR. CASH by Robert Arthur, copyright by H. S. D. Publica-
tions, Inc., 1958. Reprinted by permission of Robert Arthur and Alfred Hitchcock's
Mystery Magazine.
THE FAITH OF AARON MENEFEE by Stanley Ellin, copyright 1957 by Davis
Publications, Inc. (Formerly Mercury Publications, Inc.) Reprinted by permission
of the author and Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine. First published in Ellery
Queen'sMysteryMagazine.
"MY QUEER DEAN!" by Ellery Queen, copyright 1953 by United Newspaper!
Magazine Corporation. Reprinted by permission of the author.
—YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT by Berkely Mather, copyright i960 by Berkely
Mather. Reprinted by permission of Berkely Mather.
SQUEAKIE'S SECOND CASE by Margaret Manners, copyright 1054 by Davis
Publications, Inc. (Formerly Mercury Publications, Inc.) Reprinted by permission
of Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine and the author. First published in Ellery
Queen'sMystery Magazine.
FIRST MAN ATTHE FUNERAL by Dion Henderson, copyright 1957 by Davis
Publications, Inc. (Formerly Mercury Publications, Inc.) Reprinted Sy permission
of Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine and the author. First published in Ellery
Queen'sMystery Magazine.
THE STRANGE TALE OF MR. ELSIE SMITH by Dana Lyon, copyright 1953
by Mercury Press, Inc. Reprinted by permission of the author ana The Magazine
of Fantasy and Science Fiction.
THELIVE ONES byRichard S. Prather, copyright 1956 by Dee Publishing Com-
pany.Reprinted by permission of the author and the author'sagents, Scott Meredith
Literary Agency, Inc.
THE GENTLEMAN CALLER by Veronica Parker Johns, copyright 1055 by
Davis Publications, Inc. (Formerly Mercury Publications, Inc.) Reprinted Sy per-
mission of Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine and the author. First published in
Ellery Queen'sMysteryMagazine.
tMhRe.titPleOTRHTEWAIYN'CSOMPREATCATIXCMEYbSyTEMiRcYh,aelcopGyirlibgerhtt,1o9r5i8gibnyallDyavpiusblPiusbhleidcatuinodnes,r
Inc. (Formerly Mercury Publications, Inc.) Reprinted by permission of Ellery
Queen'sMystery Magazine and the author. First published in Ellery Queen's Mys-
tery Magazine.
OFIFNTDHEESOIlLiDCLSECbHyOWOiLl,licaompyOr'iFgahrtrelil9,60orbiygiDnaalvliyspPuubblliischaetdiounsn,deIrnct.heRetpitrlienLteAdDbYy
permission of Ellery Queen'sMystery Magazine and the author. First published in
Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine.
KISS ME, DUDLEY by Evan Hunter, copyright 1954 by Flying Eagle Publica-
tions, Inc. Reprinted by permission of the author and the author's agents, Scott
Meredith Literary Agency, Inc.
TtitOleSTTHREIKHEOUASMEAOTFCTHHRbyEEEriCeASNtDanLlEeyS,Garcodpnyerri,ghotri1g9i3na8llbyypEurbileisShteadnluenydeGrartdh-e
ner. Reprinted by permission of the author and the author'sagents, WillisKingsley
Wing Literary Agency, Inc.
IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR by Jack Finney, copyright 1948 by Crowell-Collier
PublishingCo. Reprinted bypermission of the author.
Copyright © November, i960 by Fawcett Publications, Inc. First Printing, October
27, i960. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions
thereof. All characters in this book are fictional and any resemblance to persons
living or dead is purely coincidental. Printed in the United States of America.
Contents
ABOUT THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
Poetryanthologies usually include an "Index ofFirst Lines/9
but, so far as I know, books of short stories do not. This one,
however, does. You willfind the first sentence of each story be-
neath the storfs title and the name of the author who wrote it.
Frankly, I hope thus to sneak up on you, and with hints of
the variety of story and style yet to come, whet your interest;
moreover, Ihadfun doingit, andyou may havefun with it, too
(that being the prime purpose of this collection); and it can
help you to find, quickly, stories you may later wish to read
again. Unless I miss my guess, some of them, at least, you will
wantto readagain.
RSP
The Bottled Wife 11
Michael Fessier
The small courtroom was jammed with spec-
tators when the case of Alvin Prent, M.D.,
versus George Bashford, came to trial, Judge
Homer Leggit presiding.
A
Coffin for Mr. Cash 22
Robert Arthur
Outside, in the sky, thunder bowled a strike.
The Faith of Aaron Menefee 39
Stanley Ellin
When thebigblack carcame limping into the
gas station I could tell that it was hurting
inside, the way I hurt whenever old hot-spot
jabbed into my belly.
"My Queer Dean!" 55
Ellery Queen
The queerness of Matthew Arnold Hope, be-
loved teacher of Ellery's Harvard youth and
lately dean of liberal arts in a New York
university, is legendary.
Your Cake and Eat It 62
Berkely Mather
The old T and S Line it was.
Squeakie's Second Case 76
Margaret Manners
I should have realized that things would
begin to happen when Squeakie announced
that she was taking a course in journalism.
First Man at the Funeral 98
Dion Henderson
We
were up in the Erickson north forty with
my old dog and the Sheriff had just missed
the prettiest double on quail you ever saw
when the jailer came panting and wheezing
through the sedge.
The Strange Tale of Mr. Elsie Smith 104
Dana Lyon
"This tears it!" cried Marlboro, and crashed
his now empty coffee cup against the wall.
The Live Ones 110
Richard S. Prather
—
I had left Sheldon Scott, Invest—igations my
downtown Los Angeles office about three
P.M., so I reached my Hollywood apartment
earlier than usual; I went in, closed the door,
and stared at the nude blonde on my divan.
The Gentleman Caller 118
Veronica Parker Johns
Miss Emmy Rice, who didn't look a day over
75, lifted a lid to sniff the fragrance of bub-
bling beef stew.
Mr. Portway's Practice 136
Michael Gilbert
I qualified as a solicitor before the war, and
in 1937 I bought a share in a small partner-
ship in the City.
Fin de Siecle 148
William O'Farrell
At seventy-two Miss Alice Murchison still
lived by the standards of conduct considered
proper for girls of good family in the years
immediately preceding and following the
turn of the century.
Kiss Me, Dudley 162
Evan Hunter
She was cleaning fish by the kitchen sink
when I climbed through the window, my .45
in my hand.
To Strike a Match 169
Erie Stanley Gardner
The Love of Loyalty Road in Canton is a
wide thoroughfare cut ruthlessly through the
congested district in order to modernize the
city.
It Wouldn't Be Fair 177
Jack Finney
"Suppose you found this guy dead," said
Charley.