The boomer burden : dealing with your parents' lifetime accumulation of stuff

274 Pages·2008·1.12 MB·English

by  Hall

Praise for The Boomer Burden
“Maybe the most practical book I’ve read in years. This should be on
every baby boomer’s must-read list. A sound, down-to-earth, well-written
manual for one of the most difficult subjects to discuss with your parents .
. . and I’m including the birds and the bees lecture decades earlier.”
— BOB HAMER
Veteran FBI Agent and Author,
The Last Undercover
“Julie has created a masterpiece on how to help your parents and
yourself deal with several very stressful and emotionally charged issues.
Julie’s storytelling of examples garnered over years of working with
families guides her readers and creates scenarios that they can easily
relate to in their own lives. As a certified financial planner, all of my
clients will be given a copy of Julie’s book as required reading. This book
is the most comprehensive and thoughtful work on a difficult and complex
aspect of life. A must-read for boomers dealing with everybody’s stuff!”
— ADOLPHUS W. DUNN III
CPA, CFP, AEP
“As a personal family lawyer, I’ve had to deal with much of the fallout
over the issues Julie addresses in her book. Most of us will, at some
point, have to care for our parents and their stuff, and it can be an
overwhelming burden, but with the information Julie shares, we can avoid
many of the potential problems. Julie’s book provides fantastic insight
that helps us anticipate difficulties and find workable solutions.”
— ALEXIS MARTIN NEELY
America’s Personal Family Lawyer,
www.PersonalFamilyLawyer.com;
and Author, Wear Clean Underwear:
A Fast, Fun, Friendly—and
Essential—Guide to Legal
Planning for Busy Parents
“It was sharp-witted Benjamin Franklin who observed that in this world
nothing is certain but death and taxes. Now, through the wisdom of Julie
Hall, you can add a third: dealing with the aftermath of your parent’s
death. The Boomer Burden is an exceptionally well-written and wise
book. Both parents and adult children need the wake-up call that Julie so
deftly and confidently offers. It speaks with the voice of experience and
comforts with a deep empathy for this painful period of life. Mostly, it
offers reassurance that at a time of deep grief, adult children can and
must be prepared for life’s third certainty. There is no doubt in my mind
that this book is essential reading for both older parents and adult
children—and it will be especially beneficial if they read it together.”
— ARCHIBALD D. HART, PHD, FPPR
Clinical Psychologist; Senior Professor
of Psychology and Dean Emeritus,
Graduate School of Psychology, Fuller
Theological Seminary; and Author,
Thrilled to Death
“The Boomer Burden is an engaging and comprehensive treatment of the
end-of-life dynamics between aging parents and aging children. While
this book is complete with helpful summaries and checklists, the author
also uses engaging anecdotes that exemplify the importance of the
process. I will recommend The Boomer Burden to my estate planning
clients.”
— MALVERN KING
Partner, Pulley, Watson,
King & Lischer, P.A., Attorneys at Law

© 2007 Julie Hall
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording,
scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior
written permission of the publisher.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark
of Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Published in association with Rosenbaum & Associates Literary Agency, Brentwood, Tennessee.
Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or
sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail [email protected].
®
The Estate Lady is a registered trademark of Julie Hall. Used with permission. All rights
reserved.
®
Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version . ©1982 by
Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.
This publication is intended to provide authoritative information in regard to the subject matter
covered. It is purchased with the understanding that estate laws may vary from state to state and
that the publisher is not giving advice nor rendering legal, accounting, or other professional
services. If you require legal advice or other expert assistance, you should seek the services of a
competent professional in that field.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Hall, Julie.
The boomer burden : dealing with your parents’ lifetime accumulation of stuff / Julie Hall.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7852-2825-7 (pbk.)
1. Administration of estates. 2. Estate planning. 3. Baby boom generation. 4. Aging parents. I.
Title.
HG4319.H35 2008
646.7'8—dc22
2008003174
Printed in the United States of America
08 09 10 11 12 RRD 5 4 3 2 1
For all my clients—past, present, and future.
If it weren’t for you and your families,
®
I would never have become The Estate Lady .
Thank you for sharing your lives so I could learn
how to serve you in a greater capacity.
Contents
Acknowledgments
Author’s Note
Introduction: Leaving Behind More Than Memories
1. First Signs
2. Planning for the Inevitable
3. Where’s the Will?
4. When Reality Sinks In
5. The Hearse Doesn’t Have a Trailer Hitch
6. Relatively Speaking
7. Scammers, Schemers, and Other Scoundrels
8. The Nitty-Gritty of Dividing Your Parents’ Estate
9. But What Is It Really Worth?
10. Where Do I Begin?
11. How to Clean Out Your Parents’ Estate
12. Right, Wrong, and In Between
13. I Will Never Do This to My Kids!
14. Be Good to Yourself
15. Mission Accomplished!
Appendix A: Your Complete Parent Care Checklist
Appendix B: Helpful Resources
Appendix C: Documents and Information to Locate
Appendix D: Sample Wish List Spreadsheet
Notes
About the Author
Acknowledgments
Have you ever heard the saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher
appears?” These are my teachers, to whom I offer my deepest heartfelt
appreciation for listening to my stories, understanding the great need for
this book, helping me open doors with unbelievable speed, and
answering more questions than a roomful of preschoolers could possibly
ask.
To my literary agent, Bucky Rosenbaum, and your wife, Joann: Our
meeting was not by chance. Helping you and your in-laws during your
personal time of need was a privilege. Thank you for seeing the
importance of this work and helping me get this book published so my
experience can serve others. Thank you for planting the seed.
To my editorial consultant, Lyn Cryderman, who listens more
attentively than anyone I know: I thank you for your unwavering support
and understanding of how to get what’s inside my brain out on paper. I
thank you for your gentle guidance along the way. Having already been
where the reader is headed, you were invaluable in helping me get the
message out there.
To my acquisitions editor, Debbie Wickwire: Your excitement from the
moment you saw the proposal has been contagious! Your belief in the
critical need for this book and in me is more appreciated than you will
ever know.
To my publisher, Joey Paul: Thank you for your kindness and
understanding that there is a tremendous need for this book. I am
grateful to you and to everyone at Thomas Nelson for this opportunity.
To my editors, Jennifer Stair and Paula Major: Thank you for bringing
this book together and making it shine! Your input and changes brought
out the best it has to offer.