The Anger Control Workbook

232 Pages·2000·3.42 MB·English

by  Matthew McKay

The Anger Control Workbook
The Anger Control Workbook
by Matthew McKay, Ph.D. and Peter D. Rogers, Ph.D.
NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with
the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If
expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in the U.S.A. by Publishers Group West; in Canada by Raincoast Books; in Great Britain by Airlift Book Company, Ltd.;
in South Africa by Real Books, Ltd.; in Australia by Boobook; and in New Zealand by Tandem Press.
Copyright © 2000 by Matthew McKay and Peter D. Rogers New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
Cover design by Lightbourne Images Edited by Heather Garnos Library of Congress number: 00-134871
ISBN: 1-5722-4220-5 Paperback ISBN: 978-1-608-824-1-37 Epub All Rights Reserved
New Harbinger Publications’ Web site address: www.newharbinger.com
Dedication
This book is dedicated to all the people I’ve ever loved. And especially those who have loved me back.
—P.D.R.
For Noah Landis and Wendy Millstine, who’ve shown me a lot about having a passion for life.
—M.M.
Contents
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Introduction
CHAPTER 1: Getting Started: Emergency Anger Control
CHAPTER 2: The Costs Of Anger
CHAPTER 3: Understanding Your Anger
CHAPTER 4: Relaxation Skills I
CHAPTER 5: Advanced Relaxation Skills
CHAPTER 6: Trigger Thoughts
CHAPTER 7: The Anger Distortions
CHAPTER 8: Creating Coping Thoughts
CHAPTER 9: Anger Inoculation I
CHAPTER 10: Anger Inoculation II
CHAPTER 11: Anger Inoculation III
CHAPTER 12: Problem-Solving Communication
CHAPTER 13: Your Plan for Real-life Coping
CHAPTER 14: Blocks to Real-life Coping
CHAPTER 15: Being Good to Yourself
CHAPTER 16: Getting Unstuck
APPENDIX: Research On the Effects of Anger
Suggested Readings
Author Biography
More New Harbinger Titles
Acknowledgments
We wish to acknowledge the extraordinary body of research by Jerry L.
Deffenbacher, Ph.D., which has greatly advanced our knowledge of anger and its
treatment, and is the basis of the core anger management program presented in
this book.
INTRODUCTION
As psychologists with a combined fifty-two years in practice, we’ve come to
some conclusions about the problem of anger:
1. For most people, chronic anger covers incredible pain. And while anger
often feels like a release at the moment, it inevitably makes the
underlying pain worse.
2. Of those people who suffered the greatest damage in childhood, most
were harmed by repeated exposure to anger. The majority of chronically
angry people were also damaged by anger as children.
3. People struggling with chronic anger suffer long-term consequences in
both work and personal relationships. They tend to feel more alone, more
disappointed by life, and less nourished by their relationships.
4. The greatest predictor of satisfaction in marriage is how people learn to
handle conflict and anger.
5. Anger is a learned response, and the anger response can be unlearned
with commitment and effort.
Anger is ubiquitous in our society, from road rage to the soaring incidence of
child physical abuse. Everyone is touched by it. Over the years, and tens of
thousands of hours of therapy, we have seen what it costs our clients—both
those who struggle with overwhelming bouts of anger, and those who are its
victims. The regret, the loss, the hurt and fear leave deep scars on everyone.
Because we’ve seen so much pain associated with anger, we wrote, in 1989, a
book called When Anger Hurts. The response to this book has shown us just how
important the issue of anger has become. More than 200,000 copies are now in
print. The book has been used as a text in anger management courses at Kaiser
Permanente and the Nursing Education of America, as well as clinics and adult
education programs all over North America. Hundreds of therapists regularly
assign the book as homework for clients with anger problems. Many dozens of
readers have contacted us to express their appreciation, and sometimes to offer
suggestions for future publications.
One of the most frequent suggestions we’ve gotten regards the need for a step-
by-step workbook that teaches anger management through a series of structured
exercises. “Less theory and more practice,” someone said. Another reader asked
for “a sequence of skill-building exercises that teach what you need to know in
the order you need to learn it.”
The Anger Control Workbook has grown from these requests. This book is all
about acquiring, in a step-by-step format, the skills you need to better manage
anger. There are no fancy explanations, no wasted words. Just key information,
along with exercises that will give you greater control over your anger response.
The techniques you will learn here are proven. In study after study, relaxation
techniques combined with cognitive restructuring and anger inoculation have
helped to lower the frequency and intensity of anger. They will work for you too
—if you commit the time and effort to actually do the exercises in this book.
The Anger Control Workbook is, unfortunately, work. It takes practice to
master anger control skills. Reading won’t be enough. Hoping to change won’t
be enough. You’ve already done that, and you now know that wishes and hopes
are forgotten with the next outburst. You need to turn hope into action—a
commitment to work your way, stepwise, through each chapter in the workbook,
and to practice the new skills until they start to become second nature.
While the work won’t be easy, we promise you that the reading will be.
Everything you need to do is carefully and clearly explained. There are lots of
examples. Worksheets help you organize your efforts, and learning is broken
into small steps so nothing feels overwhelming. You will find that each chapter
is set up to help you change in increments, and from the very beginning you will
be given new tools to start acting differently.
Everything you need to know to overcome anger is here. Just keep reading.
And working. We’ll be there to help you every step of the way.