The Abc’s of a Beautiful Marriage: A Guide to Loving Your Spouse Above Your Marital Struggles

165 Pages·2017·1.11 MB·English

by  Toyin Abiola

Copyright © 2016 Toyin Abiola All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any
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DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to Adeniyi Abiola—my husband.
It would be true to say you are part of my transformation.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
CONTENTS
Dedication
Contents
Acknowledgments
INTRODUCTION Your Marriage Can Work
CHAPTER ONE: What Is Love?
CHAPTER TWO: Who Are The Lovers?
CHAPTER THREE: What Are Roles?
CHAPTER FOUR: Roles—The Roles Of The Wife
CHAPTER FIVE: The Concept Of Star
CHAPTER SIX: Problems
CHAPTER SEVEN: Common Marital Problems: Communication And Finances
CHAPTER EIGHT: Common Marital Problem: Sexual Problems
CHAPTER NINE: Common Marital Problem: Friends And Family Issues
CHAPTER TEN: Trust And Control Issues
CHAPTER ELEVEN: Resentment And Addictions
CHAPTER TWELVE: Spending Quality Time And Career Issues
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Argument And Divorce Issues
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Facts Of A Beautiful Marriage
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Six Attitudes To Get Rid Of
CONCLUSION: Your Marriage Can Work
Thank You
About The Author
References
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I thank the Lord Almighty for giving me the inspiration, strength, and will to
start and finish this book. Every word, every idea, every wisdom came from
Him. I am just a tool in His Hands, and, I thank Him for making use of this
rusted tool. All praise and thanks go to Him.
A big thanks to my husband—Adeniyi Abiola—for his support and
encouragement. The Lord placed you in my life for a time such as this. A big
thanks to my children—Olaoluwa and Ifeoluwa—you kept me on my toes.
I thank my parents—Mr. and Mrs. Akinmeji—and all love to my siblings—
Titilayo, Olubunmi, Michael, and Kateana, God bless you all.
My friends—you are not left out of this; thank you all for always being there.
A big thanks to those who buy this book. God bless you all.
INTRODUCTION
Your Marriage Can Work
A
fter a day’s hard work, it felt good to come home to the family, to relax and
unwind from all the stress I had gone through trying to counsel some couples. As
if the workday was not enough, I decided to flip through my Facebook page,
and, to my horror, I read that another woman had just been murdered by her
husband. Her husband fled the scene, leaving his children with their mom’s
corpse. The kids tried, without success, to wake up their dead mother until their
nanny came to resume work as usual and found the lifeless body of her
employer. “Again?” I shouted. What was the world coming to? I thought to
myself.
A few months back, something similar happened. A woman murdered her
husband in cold blood because he cheated on her. I have read many articles
about couples divorcing and murdering each other because of one problem or
another. I have seen pictures of women being battered by their husbands—
broken lips, black eyes, wounds all over the body. I saw a picture of a woman
whose husband used a cutlass on her; that she survived the attack was just a
miracle.
What happened to the love of these couples that was professed in the beginning
of their relationship?
• What happened to the trust?
• What happened to the affection?
• What happened to the promises?
• Why has a beautiful thing ended in domestic violence?
• Where did all the love go?
• Was violence instead of love the promise?
• Was intolerance instead of understanding the agreement?
• Was unfaithfulness instead of loyalty the product of our union?
It is disheartening to see young women and men’s lives cut short because of their
marriages. I thought to myself, What if they never married; would they still be
alive today? What if they never agreed to marry that particular person; would
they still be alive today? Marriage was not created to be a battlefield for the
sexes. It was created for love. It was created for growth, for understanding, for
transparency, for procreation, and for the advancement of our society and the
world.
We are not on the battlefield with our spouses. We are not fighting the battle of
life against them. We are fighting the battle of life and love against the devil.
Marriage is not about the man or the woman but about what the couple can
create through their union. Many people have enemies in their spouses, someone
they once shared a heart with. What happened along the way? I kept thinking
about it all, and my heart broke. It was frustrating and devastating for me. Yes, I
might not personally know the victims, but there are people who knew them,
families who will miss them, and children who will never get to see their parents
again.
The ABCs of a Beautiful Marriage is an inspiration I received from God. It
started out as an online course, available on udemy.com. But I was also led to
make it available in print, so that people all over the world can have access to the
book. I have added more information to the book than what is available in the
online course.
Your marriage can work, irrespective of the problems or situations you are
encountering as a couple or as individuals. The love you share with your partner
is not on the same vibration with the problems. Love is greater than the problems
you allow to choke it. So it does not matter where you are from, your race, your
background, your educational level, your achievements, or celebrity status—
your marriage can work. What will make your marriage work are the right
knowledge and a deep understanding. Knowledge is not enough without