Thank You for Leaving Me: Finding Divinity in Divorce

88 Pages·2012·16.253 MB·English

by  Farhana Dhalla

Divorce “Amazingly open and authentic… of
F o r e w o r d w r i t t e n b y
Relationships tremendous value for women and men
dissolving and recreating themselves” N e a l e D o n a l d W a l s c h
Personal Development T
Author of Conversations with God
Dr. David Simon
CEO of the Chopra Center, h
Author of Free to Love, Free to Heal
a
n
“This book teaches you how to turn a
breakdown into a breakthrough. This book k
teaches you perseverance, resiliency and
forgiveness.” Y
Lisa Nichols, star of The Secret o
Author of No Matter What!
u
“Well written with a juiciness you’ll want to
f
devour, delivering powerful life lessons
o
from one who has lived them, Farhana will
“What do you mean take you on a journey to discover the r
complex emotions that one experiences
you want out?” during a break up. Insights like this L
become a source of instant e
hheeaalliinngg,, ssoo ggeett rreeaaddyy ttoo sshhiifftt..””
I was hurt, shocked and… a
silently relieved. Jennifer McLean
v
Host of Healing with the Masters
i F i n d i n g D i v i n i t y i n D i v o r c e
Divorce is a time when the worst n
of us can reveal itself … or, it can "This strikingly authentic and enlightening
g
be the catalyst for unveiling the memoir guides us to the real freedom that
Magnificence that we are. awaits us... when we have the courage to
let go of what doesn't work in our lives" M
TThhee truth is, we don’t really know
e
who we are until we are faced Chris Cade
Creator of Liberate your Life
with the crumbling of who we
are not. And then, the most
exquisite realization comes that “I have not laughed and cried so much
changes everything: over a single book since reading Elizabeth F
Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. I adore this book. a
Farhana Dhalla is straight from the heart!” r
Nothing has been done TO you. h
EEvveerryytthhiinngg iiss ddoonnee FFOORR yyoouu.. a
Teresa de Grosbois
Founder of The Evolutionary Business Council, n
Bestselling Author a
F A R H A N A D H A L L A
D
h
a
lla
$19.95
Testimonials
As a family lawyer for almost 30 years, I have witnessed countless
examples of the exquisite pain that relationship transition uni-
versally includes. Farhana has captured one person’s experience
of divorce and turned it inside out, transmuting it into a gift of
hope and opportunity that is at once profound and provocative.
Thurman W. Arnold, CFLS, www.MindfulDivorces.com
Anyone undergoing a major life change should read this book.
Farhana Dhalla’s insights are relatable to any loss. She expertly
moves through her own muddled thinking to a place of self-
awareness that ultimately becomes her freedom. Azim Jamal, #1
Amazon bestselling co-author, The Power of Giving
Farhana Dhalla opens her heart and shares her feelings in a way
that gives us permission to feel, contemplate and make decisions
regarding our own challenges. Her insights serve as inspiration to
awaken to greater personal power and self-awareness. Rosalind
Sedacca, CCT, The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce Author, How
Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce?
This book will awaken the wisdom of your heart. Fran Hewitt,
Author, The Ego and the Spirit
Farhana is an extraordinarily gifted writer who has the ability to Thank You for Leaving Me evokes a powerful look into the peaks
take you into her deeply moving journey and have you standing and the valleys of human experience. Steeped with insight, Farhana
right beside her. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is provides an elegant roadmap to the art of meaningful relation-
ready to face reality, to live in truth and recognize the divine gift ship. Farhana has a way of gently nudging us in the direction of
within every life experience. Karen Klassen, The Enlightened exploring the depth of our inner potential that at some level we
Love Coach; Founder of Women Embracing Brilliance all long for. A must read for anyone serious about cracking the
code on a rich, peaceful and joy-filled life. Andre N. Mamprin,
In Thank You For Leaving Me Farhana courageously writes about Leader, Knowledge Architect, The Next Institute
her experience moving through a challenging and potentially
dark situation. She inspires the reader to delve deep into per- I often refer to Farhana as the Sage of Enlightened Endings, and
sonal responsibility, self-awareness, and genuine transformation. the Modern Day Buddha. She is inexplicably wise beyond her
She lights the way to a life filled with freedom, love, and truth. years and sees the gift in EVERY circumstance. Thank You For
Gemma Stone, Psychologist, Speaker, Author Leaving Me is written in short vignettes and turns months of Far-
hana’s deep inner work into easily digestible bite-sized pieces that
Farhana understands the value of radical responsibility in life... you can easily remember, and best of all, integrate into your life.
that blaming is a lifetime prison sentence for the blamer... Colette Kenney, Relationship Expert and Host of Love Talk
and being radically responsible for your own life despite the
circumstances opens the door to true freedom. Her book isn’t just This book truly touched me. After reading her book, I have had
a good read; it is a pathway to freedom. This is a “must read” the pleasure of getting to know Farhana, and she truly walks the
for anyone seeking real growth and happiness in their life! Ken walk. Her authenticity is a consistent practice, and her genuine
McNeil, Businessman enthusiasm for the lusciousness and messiness of life is inspiring.
Lisa Kathleen, Parenting Coach, Full Circle Parenting
Thank You for Leaving Me is the fusion of the healing lessons offered
in Spiritual Divorce and the charismatic writing found in Eat, Pray, As a woman who has experienced divorce personally and profes-
Love. Farhana expertly and intimately shares her personal truth sionally, Farhana shows us what being awake is all about.  Through
and struggles. This is a must-read for anyone ready to pilot his or her journey of truth, she divinely inspires the reader towards love,
her life. Inspiring, poignant and empowering! Tina Cassidy, Life light, and grace. Sherry Gaba, CBS radio host, author, and VH1’s
Coach and Author, Stop Holding Back Celebrity Rehab Psychotherapist and Life Coach.
Farhana’s authenticity in every aspect of her life led her to discover
the secret to living, love, happiness, and freedom: taking 100%
responsibility for EVERYTHING in life. Learn from her story
and discover yourself. Highly recommended! Lourdes Elardo-
Gant, International Law of Attraction Coach
Excerpts from Personal Letters
received from readers.
Identities are understandably
confidential.
“I just finished reading it in one sitting. I felt as though I was eat-
ing the words of the page, starved for more with each page. I am a
bit stunned and in awe at the beauty and honesty with which you
described your experience.”
“I felt like a ball in a pinball machine, bouncing from wanting
my husband, parents, married and divorced girlfriends and even
my eldest son to read it because you so eloquently and truthfully
penned your awakening.”
“It really could not have come at a better time for me and really
helped me to understand the feelings I have been having over the
last two years.  It has also helped me to put into perspective the
emotions of my daughters.”
“I couldn’t believe how validated I felt: someone in this world shared
a similar experience, shared similar feelings and was real about it”
“I stayed up and read your book in one sitting.  You are a gifted
writer and through your journey you gave me hope and inspira-
tion. I’m going through a similar experience and your book has
provided me with clarity and words for my emotions.”
“I just recently went through a very harsh break-up and was com- “It felt a bit like reading my own autobiography.  There are so
pletely shattered to pieces.  My mom, not quite sure what to do many similarities!  When you are going through it yourself, you
with me, gave me your book, Thank You for Leaving Me, and told feel no one else could possibly feel your pain.”
me to read it.  I was shocked at how my emotions seemed to com-
pletely mirror what you had gone through!” “I thought all of these feelings I am going through I was alone. I
thought no one understood how I felt so I kept all of these feelings
“I loved it and wanted to thank you for writing such an incredible bottled up with no one to discuss them with. But just knowing it
account of your personal journey.  Although I am a happily mar- is a natural feeling makes me feel a lot better.”
ried mom of two your book taught me so much about my own life
and my own personal journey up to this point.” “I found so much peace and strength while reading your book; in
essence, a whole new perspective on my situation.  It completely
“Thank you for this touching book. My sister insisted I read it moved me to tears at so many parts because I had numerous “ah-
while I was going through my divorce and it really brought a new hah!” moments and moments when I was sitting there in awe
perspective to the way in which I saw my struggles. I have asked thinking, “This is ME!”
that my wife read it too!”
“Thank you so much! I have so many goals now for how I would
“I find the truths you write as resonant to me as if they are written like to approach this experience, what I would like to gain from
specifically for me.” it, how I want to reinvent myself, and how I am going to make the
most of this break-up because it’s time to Choose Me!”
“The book is beautiful – not only does it teach you to strive for
deeper understanding of oneself but it feels that by reading the “Once I started it, I could not put it down... to say this experience
book, you are on that path.  The book is easy to read and enter- has been healing, releasing, uplifting and intensely gratifying are
taining – it teaches and is insightful without being “heavy”. understatements.”
“You’ve probably heard this before but you are a brilliant writer! “I bought this book for a friend. Little did I know or realize what
As I am reading, I have found myself nodding my head, laughing a tremendous impact it would have on me personally - I felt my
and sometimes profoundly caught off guard by a tear or two...your heart open up more and more and more as blockages were being
honesty has captivated me.”  released.”
“This is a book which will require more than one reading, as there “There are many times throughout the book I found myself com-
is so much wisdom buried in it that only time will be able to ing up with realizations and words for my own experiences and
encompass it all” my own revelations. That was a gift.”
Thank You for Leaving Me
Copyright © Farhana Dhalla 2009
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or trans-
mitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval
system, without written permission from the publisher.
For more information, please write to the publisher at:
Thank You For
Oneness Publishing, c/o Farhana Dhalla
930-3025 Lougheed Hwy.
Suite 124,
Coquitlam, BC Leaving Me
V3B 6S2
email: [email protected]
Finding Divinity in Divorce
Visit our website at www.FarhanaDhalla.com
ISBN-10: 0980975123
EAN-13: 9780980975123
Photography – Amyn Nasser www.AmynNasser.com
Book Cover designed by Jarmila Takac
Second Edition 2012
The author has based this book on her life experience. Dialogue and events
have been recreated to help the readers to feel that they are experiencing
Farhana Dhalla
the events firsthand. Names and events have been changed to protect the
identity of certain individuals, except where permission was given.
Dedication:
To the three Inspirations in my life:
Tarhiqe, Meddyna, and Aiyeh
Be audacious in your Magnificence.
Thank you for choosing me.
Acknowledgements
M
y gratitude and a long humble bow to the Great Divine
for offering me this dance... for changing the music many times
and being the masterful partner who swung me around with
finesse.
All I had to do was surrender.
There are many people to thank and I am concerned that I may
forget a few. Please forgive my momentary lapse and know that I
value and honor your contribution in my life.
I am grateful that early on I would see my mother’s hunger for
knowledge... I witnessed her search for truth and her own painful
yet exhilarating process of shedding and reinventing. With her
as my role model, I longed to be of her intelligence, wisdom and
open graciousness of ‘all that is’.
My desire of wanting a ‘loving divorce’ came from witnessing my
mother, Meorah and my stepfather, Nurdin. They are pacesetters
in living a life entrenched in truth and love. ‘Love under all
conditions’ is the mantra of my stepfather. He is the example of
enlightenment in practice.
xiii
Thank You for Leaving Me Acknowledgements
I am the luckiest person I know. I hail from a big, supportive, Whooshes of love sent to my sister-friends: Salimah, Munira,
loving family who freely offer me guidance, share their skills and Janice, Shalla, Dorothy, Zeynep, Sheree, Christina, Val, Tammy,
shower me with unconditional love. In particular, I offer thanks June, Georgina, Rejeanne, Kelsey, Lee with you is where I have
to my brothers Shabbir and Ghalib and their families; my volumi- my messy moments and still land safely. Thank you.
nous family of aunts, uncles and cousins who offered me encour-
agement - in particular, I thank my Aunty Habibah, Aunty Banu Huge appreciation to Meorah, Heather, Carla, Meina, Colleen,
and my cousins Amyn, Aslam and Mehreen for their contribu- Paul, Cristina, Janice, Tina, Shilo, Shaheen, Katarina, Nurdin and
tions and support.
Ghalib who all offered wonderful suggestions on this book in the
tightest of time frames.
I have immense gratitude towards my in-laws from whom I have
learned a great deal and for whom I hold great affection. They
Particular thanks goes to Meorah and Carla who read the manu-
treat me like their daughter and are my family forever.
script so many times and continued to view it with fresh eyes to
help make it the best it could be.
I have heard it said that if you have one exceptional friendship
that lasts you a lifetime, consider yourself fortunate. Lady Luck
Elissa Collins Oman, editor extraordinaire, you breathed life into
must love me. Shaheen, Carla and Cristina, I have been able to
this manuscript. You saw the vision and removed all barriers to
count on you for unconditional love and devoted friendship, late
making it happen. I am awestruck and captivated by your innate
night counseling and whoop-ass truth. You know the old saying:
knowing on how to coach me in translating my experience into a
Some friends enter your life for a reason; a season or a lifetime...
book. Many, many thanks.
you are lifers. Thank goodness because I couldn’t walk this life
without you.
I offer deep gratitude to the WarriorSage community. Special
thanks to Satyen Raja, for knowing your mission and delivering
Then, in universally brilliant timing, these women entered, or
upon your vision with a deep, honorable heart. And to the hun-
re-entered my life and enhanced my world in immeasurable ways.
dreds of people who have held me sacred during our practices,
Heather, you were the voice that inspired this book and without
thank you for keeping me in your confidence and seeing me as
you, it wouldn’t have been written. Deb, our morning coffee
talks have guided me to new spiritual heights. Farah, witnessing love and light.
you is like being taught first-hand what God wants us to know.
Nargis, our daily de-briefs inspire me to see the Divine’s hand in And to the father of my children, who loved me enough to leave
everything, and Fabulous Fabina – you made me your sister and me and was good–naturedly encouraging while I was writing this
my children, your children. I am so very blessed by you. book.
xiv xv
Foreword
I
never thought in a million years that I would read a 96-chapter
book.
Yet what if the chapters were really not chapters in a book, but chapters
in a life?
And what if those chapters were surprisingly short, wonderfully writ-
ten, astonishingly authentic, incredibly insightful, and passionately
pithy outpourings that could draw me into another person’s moment-to-
moment experience in a way that would benefit me as I encounter my
own? Would I be interested then? You bet.
So here’s the thing. The book you are holding is exactly that. And
because it is, I couldn’t put this book down. I read it in one sitting.
I hadn’t intended to. I didn’t really have that much time when I first
picked it up. Or I thought I didn’t. But the book changed my mind
about that. I am not kidding. I.could.not.put.it.down.
The secret of Thank You for Leaving Me is that it gets across major, major
spiritual messages and gives us all big, big life tools, and does it without
preaching, teaching, or screeching, interwoven as they are within the
strands of a totally engrossing human drama.
xvii