TD Jakes, TD Jakes Speaks to Men Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing ...

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T.D. Jakes, T.D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©.1995, 1996, 1997 Used by permission.
Name /JakesSpeaksMen3in1/01 01/14/2010 04:59PM Plate # 0 pg 4 # 4
T.D.JakesSpeakstoMen
Copyright(cid:1)1995,1996,1997
T.D.Jakes
Previouslypublishedinthreevolumes:
LooseThatManandLetHimGo!
T.D.JakesSpeakstoMen!
SoYouCallYourselfaMan?
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Jakes,T.D.
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Summary:‘‘PopularwriterandministerT.D.Jakesexhortsandencouragesmentofacethelife
issuesthatkeepthemfromreachingtheirpotentialsothattheycanaccomplishallGodintendsfor
them’’—Providedbypublisher.
ISBN-13: 978-0-7642-0357-2(hardcover)
ISBN-10: 0-7642-0357-6(hardcover)
1. Christianmen—Religiouslife. 2. Christianmen—Prayer-booksanddevotions—English.
I. Title.
BV4528.2.J35 2007
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T.D. Jakes, T.D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©.1995, 1996, 1997 Used by permission.
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T. D. JAKES, founder and senior pastor of The Potter’s House Church in
Dallas, Texas, is a celebrated speaker and author with many bestselling
books to his credit. His weekly television broadcast is viewed in millionsof
homes nationwide.Featured on the cover of Time Magazine, he is known
around the world for his message of freedom to be found in Christ.
T.D. Jakes, T.D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©.1995, 1996, 1997 Used by permission.
Name /JakesSpeaksMen3in1/Loose 01/14/2010 05:00PM Plate # 0 pg 1 # 1
T.D. JAKES
LOOSE THAT MAN AND LET HIM GO!
T.D. Jakes, T.D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©.1995, 1996, 1997 Used by permission.
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DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to the memory of myfather,Rev.ErnestL.Jakes,
Sr.; to my brother Earnest L. Jr., whose presence in this world has madelife
richer and fuller for me; and especially to the destiny of my three sons,
Jamar, Jermaine and T.D., Jr., whose lives have been a burning blaze in my
heart. I know that they are manuscripts yet to be written and songs waiting
to be sung. To the world I say get ready for them, they are being printed at
this very moment and soon to be published. They will be well worth
reading.
T.D. Jakes, T.D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©.1995, 1996, 1997 Used by permission.
Name /JakesSpeaksMen3in1/Loose 01/14/2010 05:00PM Plate # 0 pg 3 # 3
CONTENTS
One When I Was a Child. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Two Suffer the Little Children. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
Three Confrontingthe Child in You. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
Four When I Became a Man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
Five The Party Is in Progress. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
Six When the Yoke Isn’t Easy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63
Seven Marriage: Missionariesor Men? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71
Eight Mighty Men Still Need Rest. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79
Nine You Are Still My Son!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87
Ten Surrogate Fathers. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95
Eleven A Man’s Best Friend . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .105
Twelve The Saul Syndrome. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .116
Thirteen When the Clothes They Make Don’t Fit!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .125
Fourteen Knocked No Lower Than My Knees!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .138
Fifteen Living Like a Loosed Man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .156
A Final Word. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .168
A Selectionof Prayers for Men . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .171
T.D. Jakes, T.D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©.1995, 1996, 1997 Used by permission.
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C H A P T E R O N E
WHEN I WAS A CHILD
WhenIwasachild,Ispakeasachild,I understoodasa child,
Ithoughtasachild:butwhenIbecameaman,
Iputawaychildishthings.
— 1CORINTHIANS13:11 —
E
very man, great and ordinary, famous or forgotten, enters this world
traumatically and begins to perceive his surroundingsthroughtheeyes
of a child. It is during these tender years that he experiencesthebeginnings
of his masculinity.
Our development as men is shaped by the things we encounter as chil-
dren. Our masculinity is defined by our fathers and our relationships. Dys-
functions in our adulthood were also shaped or influenced by the pres-
ence—or absence—of the men who fathered us. What painful childhood
memories haunted young Adolf Hitler? Who touched the life of Martin
Luther King, Jr., or of Abraham Lincoln? What childhood pains or dreams
framed the thoughts of Malcolm X and Mahatma Gandhi?
Our father’s absence can form a sustained question in our minds, a
haunting thought, Maybe it was something I did or something I lacked that
caused him to leave. We learn theartofsuppressionearly,deeplyburyingthe
painfulquestionsandthenativesensitivitythatissoeasilybruised.Wesup-
press the natural creativity that springs from a probing mind as we encoun-
ter the pain of continually being told, ‘‘Shut up! I don’t have the time to
listen to you.’’
Our fathers are our first definition and demonstration of masculinity.
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T.D. Jakes, T.D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©.1995, 1996, 1997 Used by permission.
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T . D . J A K E S
Unfortunately,ourfathers’modelhascausedmanyofustoequatemasculin-
ity with absence, irresponsibility, sullen silence, or violence. All the fruitsof
our manhood are rooted in our childhood—our self-esteem, our inner
awareness of who we are, our sexuality, our preferences.They arealldeeply
planted in the soil of our early memories, experiences,and definitions.
God plants an infinitely curious mind within every little child and ado-
lescent. As they grow older, many children bend to indifference and igno-
rance,whileotherssurrendertoscornandpunishment,andeventuallymost
will finally succumb to a ‘‘formal education’’ that will quench their natural
hunger for knowledge.
Youngmindsneverstopgatheringinformationthroughtheirsenses,and
they constantly process their perceptions. What do you suppose those
Judean children perceived the daytheyoungRabbi,Jesus,rebukedthemen
whowerepushingthesmallonesawayfromHim?Whatwentthroughtheir
mindsasthechildrenheardHimsay,‘‘Sufferthelittlechildrentocomeunto
me,andforbidthemnot’’(Mark10:14)?Howmanylivesanddestinieswere
changed forever by His tender embrace and unconditionallove that day?
Within every man dwells thelittlechildwhoprecededhim.Manhoodis
rooted in childhood, and many of the thoughts you and I have today come
from our early experiences as children. You may read thesewordswithsad-
ness if you are one of the thousands who involuntarily recoil at the mere
sight of the words, Father, Daddy, Papa, or Dad. They only represent pain
and loss to you.
I Spoke as a Child
MymotherusedtolistencloselytomewhenItalked.NowIunderstand
that my mother’s attention dignified my opinion. Her actions confirmed to me
that I mattered. Her careful (and patient) listening enriched my thinking
process with a self-esteem that caused me to believe that my thoughts were
important.Regardlessofwhethersheagreedordidn’tagreewithwhatIsaid,
what excited me was that she listened to me.
Jesus spoke when He was a child. According to Luke 2:46–47, He
entered the temple and spent five days listening to and speaking with the
leading doctors of the Law while He was barely an adolescent! The Bible
says these scholars ‘‘were astonished at his understanding and answers’’
(Luke 2:47 TLB). If you want to know who someone is, listen to what he
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T.D. Jakes, T.D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©.1995, 1996, 1997 Used by permission.
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L O O S E T H A T M A N A N D L E T H I M G O !
says! ‘‘For of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh’’ (Luke 6:45).
Jesus started perfecting the art of expression early in His life, and even the
leading teachers of the day listened to Him. What a boost that must have
been to His self-esteem! There is something about expressing thoughts that
airs out the mind and sorts out the closets of the intellect.
My mother stimulated my creativity by listening to my expressed
thoughts. Her attention gave me respect for my own opinion, a respectthat
still exists today. I am concerned that in the busy world of our day, the
children know we are not listening to them, and the pressure is rising.
Sadly, many times our parents did not listen to us. Neither have we
always listened to our children or to one another. Thus we have raised a
generation of angry young men. They in turn have carried their inneranger
into marriages in which they believe no one is listening to them. This con-
suming anger has surfaced as violence, introversion, perversion, or outright
self-destruction!Theirself-esteemandintegrityhavebeendestroyedbecause
they have felt muzzled all their lives. They suffer like bound and gagged
prisoners in a rigid shell of outrage and despair.
As parents, pastors, and leaders,weoftenseemextremelystretchedour-
selves, but we need to listen anyway! Men who curse and swear or even
become violent arejust overgrownlittleboyshavingatantrumbecausethey
feel out of control. They are frustrated because ‘‘life isn’t listening!’’
‘‘When I was a child, I spake as a child’’ (1 Corinthians 13:11). We all
need to be able to communicate our thoughts and express how we feel.
Jesus said, ‘‘But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth
from the heart; and they defile the man’’ (Matthew 15:18). If there is any-
thing worse than the rage,thefrustration,andtheothernegativethingsthat
come out of us, it is the things that do not come out! Festering wounds are
dangerous wounds. A rumbling volcano is a dangerous omen, a solemn
warningofacomingeruptionthatcouldraindowndestructiononeveryone
living in its shadow.
Many men lose their ability to communicate during childhood. As
youngsters we are told what is ‘‘appropriate’’ to do (or is it merely conven-
ient?). ‘‘Just sit over in the corner and be quiet!’’ Now, as adults, we feel the
rush of unchecked adult passions, frustrations, and anger coursing through
us on the inside, and we can’t speak. We can’t communicate.We’rereadyto
explode, but we don’t dare cry! We’re hurting too bad to laugh. The only
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T.D. Jakes, T.D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©.1995, 1996, 1997 Used by permission.
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T . D . J A K E S
emotionweareallowedtoexpressisanger!(Whyisangertheprimaryemo-
tion attributed to the male gender?)
The raging child who takes a hammer and pounds his toy into oblivion
soonbecomesthegrownmanwhorunshisfistthroughthewallandbatters
his wife into an early grave. Many times this kind of rage is fueled by an
inability to turn thoughts into words. It is crucial for men to beabletovent
emotions and frustrations safely through appropriate channels—for when
they don’t, everything breaks loose. No one wins but the adversaryof men’s
souls.
I Understood as a Child
Our understanding is the ‘‘digestive’’ process of our minds. It is the stage
in which we come to a resolve and draw conclusions. Paul said that when
he was a child, he understood as a child. If as adults our understanding is
stillelementaryandchildish,wemaycometoimmatureconclusions.Child-
ish wisdom can be the most dangerous of all—especially in the mind of a
wounded adult.
So many children who have grown up in broken homes determine at
some point in their lives that it is their fault their fathers and mothers sep-
arated.Manyattempttoshouldertheblameandresponsibilityfortheirfrac-
tured upbringing and become terribly scarred because of their childhood
conclusions and understandings. We court disaster when we carry childish
perceptions into adult relationships.
Distorted childhood perceptions and conclusions are often a spawning
bed for crippling thoughts of inadequacy.Suchperceptionsandconclusions
produce a lifetime of insecurity. At this very moment you and I still carry
the deep wounds that were incited by the cutting statements of other chil-
dren who never knew that their reckless words of scorn were lethal! Even
oursexualityisaffectedbyearlyencountersandincidents.Manygrownmen
are recreating scenarios from their scarred and twisted childhood in their
adult fantasies. They are trapped by endless nightmares of sordid passions
and insatiable lusts.
Weoftenbuildprotectivelayersofdenials,lies,andillusionsaroundour
secret pains (like pearls, which are just abnormal growths of secretions lay-
ered around irritating foreign objects in the hearts of oysters) until some-
thing forces the issue. One day the pry bar of circumstance will force open
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T.D. Jakes, T.D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©.1995, 1996, 1997 Used by permission.