Studs, Tools, and the Family Jewels: Metaphors Men Live By

183 Pages·2001·1.738 MB·English

by  Peter F. Murphy

Studs, Tools, and the Family Jewels

Studs, Tools, and
the Family Jewels
Metaphors Men Live By
Peter F. Murphy
The University of Wisconsin Press
TheUniversityofWisconsinPress
2537DanielsStreet
Madison,Wisconsin53718
3HenriettaStreet
LondonWC2E8LU,England
Copyright(cid:1)2001
TheBoardofRegentsoftheUniversityofWisconsinSystem
Allrightsreserved
5 4 3 2 1
PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Murphy,PeterFrancis.
Studs,tools,andthefamilyjewels:metaphorsmenliveby/PeterF.
Murphy.
182pp. cm.
Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.
ISBN0-299-17130-2(cloth:alk.paper)
ISBN0-299-17134-5(pbk.:alk.paper)
1.Men—UnitedStates—Language—Psychologicalaspects. 2.Sexism
in language—UnitedStates. 3.Masculinity—UnitedStates. 4.English
language—UnitedStates—Sexdifferences. I.Title.
HQ1090.3.M87 2001
305.31—dc21 00-010619
Dedicated to Shere Hite, Leslie Fiedler,
and Roland Barthes (1915–1980)—those with whom
I share a profound interest in the everyday

Contents
Preface ix
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction 3
I TheLanguageofMaleBonding
1 SexasMachine 17
2 SexasWorkandLabor 38
3 SexasSport 59
4 SexasWarandConquest 76
5 SexasExclusivelyHeterosexual 98
II BeyondthePresent
6 InsidiousHumorandtheConstruction
ofMasculinity 119
7 FromTheorytoPractice:NewMetaphors
ofMasculinity 135
Notes 147
References 159
vii

Preface
I realize that writing this book makes me vulnerable. By revealing some-
thing of my own sexual experiences and reactions to this discourse in a
lessthanheroiclight,andinproposingalternativemetaphorsthatare“un-
hard,”Iopenmyselfuptomockery.Menneedtotakethesekindsofrisks,
however,risksthatwomeninthefeministmovementhavebeentakingfor
decades (even centuries) as a way to confront what is touted as natural
and normal. If men are to participate authentically in the struggle to
change the way we think about masculinity and femininity, to move the
discourse beyond the oppressive and the demeaning, we too must take
somerisks.
Writingthisbookhasbeenemotionallydifficult.AsIworkedmyway
througheachofthesemetaphors/tropesofmaleheterosexuality,Ibecame
more and more disturbed by the alienated descriptions of what was pur-
portedtobemysexuality.AlthoughIfoundsomereliefintherealization
thatsomehowIhadmanagedtoresistadoptingmuchofthisidentity,and
that I was not alone among my male friends in this survival, I remained
saddenedthatmostmenhavenonethelessbeencrippledbythisdiscourse
(and to a great extent my friends and I are not exempt). The power of
languagetocreateouridentitiesandtoteachushowtoconstructinterper-
sonal relationships is so overwhelming that even those of us who have
reflectedcriticallyuponwhoweareasmenwillneverbeabletotranscend
completelytheeffectthisdiscoursehasuponus.
Some figures of speech were individually more poignant to me than
others,butcollectivelytheyprovedtobequitedisturbing.“Blowjob,”for
example, gave me the most trouble emotionally; I realized that even
thoughIwasquitewellawareofthistrope,Iinitiallyfailedtoincorporate
it in the list of metaphors I planned to analyze. Although I eventually
madethedecisiontoincludeit,itwasnotaneasychoice.Thereification
inthisphrase,itsreductionofoneparticularformofsexualpleasuretoan
experience that is both external and mechanical, affected me profoundly.
“Gang bang” was another extremely troublesome phrase to think
about.TheimmediacyofthegangrapecaseinGouverneur,NewYork,a
village in northern New York near where I grew up, made vivid my own
near-misswiththisexperiencewhenIwasayoungboy.Agangbang,while
ix