Strivings Within - The OCD Christian: Overcoming Doubt in the Storm of Anxiety

228 Pages·2016·1.11 MB·English

by  Mitzi VanCleve

STRIVINGS WITHIN -
THE OCD CHRISTIAN
STRIVINGS WITHIN-
THE OCD CHRISTIAN
OVERCOMING DOUBT IN THE STORM OF ANXIETY
Mitzi VanCleve
Copyright: January 2015 Mitzi VanCleve
All rights reserved.
Cover art by Lindsey VanCleve
ISBN: 1517678447
ISBN 13: 9781517678449
Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from: “The Holy Bible, New
International Version, Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible
Society, Zondervan Publishing, Grand Rapids, Michigan. Used by permission.
Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from: “The New Scofield
Reference Bible, Holy Bible, Authorized King James Version”, Copyright 1967
By Oxford University Press, Inc.
Disclaimer: This book is not intended to be used as a substitute for, or
replacement of the professional services of a physician who is trained in the
management of anxiety disorders. If you or a loved one are suffering from
or debilitated by severe anxiety, please seek help from a professional who
specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Foreword
Part One
Chapter 1 Sudden Onset
Chapter 2 Shame and Blame
Chapter 3 Horrible Thoughts and Hideous Images
Chapter 4 “And Now unto Him who is Able”
Chapter 5 Dysfunctional
Chapter 6 You Can’t Call a Time Out in the Middle of War
Chapter 7 The Unexpected
Chapter 8 Thankful for Thanksgiving
Chapter 9 Be Still
Chapter 10 Fighting Back
Chapter 11 Pride and Presumption
Chapter 12 Still Loony After all These Years
Chapter 13 Scary Pills
Chapter 14 A Humbling Step
Chapter 15 Intolerable Testing
Chapter 16 The Towering Terror
Chapter 17 A Successful Medication Plunge
Chapter 18 Just When You Think You Know it All
Part Two
Chapter 1 When Anxiety Chooses You
Chapter 2 Misguided Counsel and Stinging Blame
Chapter 3 Causes of Anxiety Disorders
Chapter 4 Strivings Within – OCD
Chapter 5 Risky Business
Chapter 6 Common OCD Questions
Chapter 7 Practical Matters
Chapter 8 Purposeful Affliction
Appendix
About The Author
Helpful Resources
FOREWORD
WRITING THIS BOOK has been one of the most challenging undertakings of my
life. I’ve dragged my feet throughout the whole process, dreading each revisiting
of some of the most painful days of my disorder. More disturbing than that was
the knowledge that by exposing my innermost thoughts and struggles, I would
be opening myself up to the possibility of harsh criticism and judgment. I knew
there would likely be some folk whose only mission in reading this book would
be to find fault with it. I knew there would be others within the Christian
community who might read it hoping to find more reasons to dismiss the validity
of mental disorders by chalking them up to things like a lack of faith, sin, or
spiritual weakness.
If that happens to be your sole purpose in reading this book, then you
might as well put it down right now. It wasn’t written for you. If you are
determined to disbelieve it or find fault with it at the outset, then I’m quite
certain you shall have no trouble in your quest. If, on the other hand, you could
set aside some of your preconceived notions and approach this book with
prayerful discernment and a teachable heart then by all means, press on. Perhaps
your only education about anxiety disorders has come from the pulpit of a pastor
or a person for whom you have the utmost respect and yet that individual has
absolutely no medical training in diagnosing and treating mental disorders.
Maybe that “education” has led you to attempt to help a person who suffers from
a mental disorder by pointing out their lack of faith or their need to confess or
abandon their sinful practice of worry. Although your motives may be pure, your
efforts have been misguided and more than likely counterproductive to this
person’s recovery process. If you’re interested in learning what I mean by that
statement, then this book was written for you.
Or you might be reading this from the perspective of someone who is
desperate to find help and encouragement for your own tortured and isolated
experience of living with an anxiety disorder. If that describes you, then this was
especially written for you. You may be a pastor who has experienced lengthy
and confusing counseling sessions with a small number of people in your flock
who seem to be stuck in an endless cycle of anxiety and despair which seems
resistant to the application of scriptural truth. If you are open to gaining new
insight as to how you might be able to help those individuals, then this was
written for you.
This book deals with the confusing dilemma of understanding how a
disorder that causes intense anxiety and fear can coexist in a person of faith. I
have put forth my best effort to explain the difference between chosen worry and
the non-chosen instinctive fear response of the person who is afflicted with an
anxiety disorder.
I am not insisting that the suffering of folk with anxiety disorders is worse
than that of other disorders. I only intend to show that these disorders are true
afflictions which create tremendous suffering and distress and, therefore, should
be viewed through the lens of compassion.
It is my sincere hope that the reader will come away with the clear
understanding that the road of this affliction is not unlike many other diverse
roads of suffering that God permits or orders in the lives of His children. Indeed,
it is often the case that these circumstances are allowed to bring us to a fuller
knowledge of who He is and who we are in relation to Him.
I write for the thousands of other Christians who share my affliction
hoping that within these pages, they will find a soul mate. My great desire is to
offer up hope, encouragement and education to those who are thus afflicted so
that they may be better able to live with and manage these distressing disorders.
It is also my goal that the reader will come away with a new perspective on
mental disorders. That rather than dismissing, denying or ignoring them they
will bravely acknowledge them as valid afflictions. I pray that the knowledge
gained from reading this book will open up hearts of empathy and compassion in
the Christian community rather than judgment and disdain. Yet, it is my
uppermost goal to convince the individual sufferer that the activity of God in
their lives is in no way limited by the presence of an anxiety disorder. It is, in
fact, the exact opposite. The most radical change in my own perspective
concerning my anxiety disorder has been in my being able to say that God has
done a work in my life not, in spite of it, but rather, because of it. This change
has come about as I’ve gained a deeper understanding of the following scripture;
“But He said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect
in weakness.’” 1.
The first section of this book highlights some, though not all, of my own
personal journey of living with an anxiety disorder. I’m not sharing these private
struggles to drum up sympathy. In fact, it would have been far easier and way
more comfortable for me to never have done so. However, one of the greatest
encouragements I’ve had concerning my own suffering has come from the open
and transparent testimonies of others who share my affliction. Reading their
comments or hearing from their own lips about their thoughts and struggles has
been like hearing my own voice. It removes the sense of isolation that the
disorder creates. Suddenly I’m blessed with the knowledge that I’m not alone.
I’m not the singularly freakish anomaly that I thought I was. Someone else really
understands; really knows just how intense and agonizing the mental pain of my
disorder is. That understanding creates unbelievable empathy and compassion as
well as provoking a great desire to reach out in loving support and fervent prayer
for one another. This indeed, is a thing that God desires for His children to do for
one another. The book of Corinthians prompts us in this way; “Praise be to the
God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. The Father of all compassion and the
God of all comfort who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort
those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2.
The second portion of this book offers some practical suggestions for the
sufferer. I will be delving into things like symptoms, causes and types of anxiety
disorders as well as treatment recommendations and practical measures that can
greatly benefit people who are afflicted. In this section of the book, I will be
sharing some techniques and practices that have greatly assisted me in managing
my own disorder. This portion of the book in not intended to be used as a
substitute for or replacement of the counsel or recommendations of
professional physicians who diagnose and treat these disorders. I strongly
recommend that all people who experience debilitating anxiety seek
professional help for their disorders. I will even go a step further in suggesting
that the things you read in this book be discussed with your own doctor to
ascertain whether he or she concurs with it.
I feel the need to comment on something that will be obvious to the reader,
which is the redundancy in this book. There will be times as you are reading that
you might think: “She already made that point.” The redundancy in this book is
on purpose. Anxiety disorders and in particular OCD are so stubbornly repetitive
and redundant in nature that one must attack them with the same measure of
stubborn and redundant persistence that they dole out. The lessons must be
repeated over and over until the sufferer becomes persuaded to accept them and
the behavior modifications must be practiced again and again until they become
second nature. Therefore, the redundancy in this book serves to remind and
persuade the sufferer to keep at it until they get it right.
Further on in the last chapter of the book I will be sharing how I’ve come