Straight Talk from Claudia Black: What Recovering Parents Should Tell Their Kids about Drugs and Alcohol PDF
Preview Straight Talk from Claudia Black: What Recovering Parents Should Tell Their Kids about Drugs and Alcohol
Straight Talk from Claudia Black: What Recovering Parents Should Tell Their Kids about Drugs and Alcohol Claudia Black, Ph.D. HAZELDEN® Straight Talk from Claudia Black This page intentionally left blank Straight Talk from Claudia Black What Recovering Parents Should Tell Their Kids about Drugs and Alcohol Claudia Black,Ph.D. HAZELDEN® Hazelden Center City,Minnesota 55012-0176 1-800-328-0094 1-651-213-4590 (Fax) www.hazelden.org ©2003 by Claudia Black All rights reserved.Published 2003 Printed in the United States of America No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Black,Claudia. Straight talk from Claudia Black :what recovering parents should tell their kids about drugs and alcohol / Claudia Black. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 1-59285-041-3 (paperback) 1.Drug abuse. 2.Alcoholism. 3.Parents—Drug use. 4.Parents—Alcohol use. 5.Alcoholics—Family relationships. I.Title. HV5801.B549 2003 362.29—dc21 2003050831 07 06 05 04 03 6 5 4 3 2 1 Cover design by David Spohn Interior design by Rachel Holscher Typesetting by Stanton Publication Services,Inc. To Katie and Sean, my niece and nephew, two very special young people in my life. This page intentionally left blank Contents Acknowledgments xi Introduction 1 Chapter 1 Straight Talk about Addiction and Recovery 7 What Do You Say to Your Children? Motivation and Expectations Time to Act Chapter 2 Breaking the Chain of Addiction 17 Addiction Facts Characteristics of Addiction Denial Preoccupation Loss of Control Change in Tolerance Withdrawal Differences in Usage Brain Chemistry Kids and the Disease Concept Chapter 3 Generational Vulnerability 33 Family Tree Genetic Influences:The Facts Environmental Influences:What’s in the Psychology? vii viii C Chapter 4 Clarifying the Confusion 43 Claiming Multiple Addictions Abstinence Slippery Places Relapse Blackouts Recovery Practices Chapter 5 Early Recovery and Making Amends 59 Healing the Pain A Child’s Many Feelings Guilt and Shame Amends Self-forgiveness Chapter 6 New Ways of Relating 71 Reconnection:Offering Validation Tips for Listening to Your Child Reconnection:Being There Addressing the Wreckage of the Past More Guidelines for Addressing the Past Speaking Beyond the Family Chapter 7 Creating Healthy Family Traditions 83 Risk Factors Protective Factors A Word of Caution A Functioning Family Affection,Support,and Affirmation Communication Maintaining a Positive Family Identity Problem Solving Providing Physical Safety Reshaping Family Roles The Responsible Child,the Hero C ix The Acting-out Child,the Rebel or Scapegoat The Adjusting Child,the Invisible One The Clown,the Mischief Maker The Placator,the Caretaker Deepening and Mending Relationships Family Time Individual Time Family Meetings Chapter 8 Never Underestimate Your Power as a Parent 107 Messages to Children about Use of Alcohol and Drugs Preschoolers Children Ages 5–8 Children Ages 9–11 Children Ages 12–14 Children Ages 15–17 Choices and Consequences Adult Children Enabling Tough Love Appendix:Tracing Addictions on a Family Tree 125 Notes 127 About the Author 131
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