stop negative thinking

37 Pages·2017·0.5 MB·English

STOP NEGATIVE THINKING: WHAT NOT TO SAY
WHEN YOU TALK TO YOURSELF

by AKASH KARIA
best-selling author of
“How Successful People Think Differently”
and
“How to Deliver a Great TED Talk”

© 2013 by Akash Karia

All rights reserved.

Copyeditor: Marcia C. Abramson
eBook creator: Neeraj Chandra

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form by any means without
the expressed permission of the author. This includes reprints, excerpts, photocopying,
recording, or any future means of reproducing text. If you would like to do any of the above,
please seek permission first by contacting us at http://www.CommunicationSkillsTips.com
What You Will Learn

I(cid:374) this (cid:271)ooklet, (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e goi(cid:374)g to lea(cid:396)(cid:374) how to turn crippling negative self-talk into words
of empowerment. More specifically, you will learn how to:
 Avoid the kind of self-talk that causes you unnecessary anxiety and worry
 Use the rubber-band technique to snap yourself out of negative self-talk
 Use anchoring to snap out of a negative mindset and into a positive one
 Stop fighting mental scarecrows that ruin your relationships
 Stop asking yourself questions that reduce your self-esteem and make you feel
worthless
 Instantly improve your self-talk and mood by changing your physiology
 Use if-then planning to improve your relationships and become more productive
 Stop usi(cid:374)g (cid:862)a(cid:271)solute state(cid:373)e(cid:374)ts(cid:863) that (cid:373)ake (cid:455)ou feel i(cid:374)sig(cid:374)ifi(cid:272)a(cid:374)t
 Get rid of limiting labels that you put on yourself
 Stop putting limiting labels on your friends, family and colleagues
 Change your behavior by controlling your internal self-talk
 Rep(cid:396)og(cid:396)a(cid:373) (cid:455)ou(cid:396) (cid:373)i(cid:374)d so that (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e (cid:374)ou(cid:396)ishi(cid:374)g (cid:455)ou(cid:396)self (cid:449)ith e(cid:373)po(cid:449)e(cid:396)i(cid:374)g (cid:449)o(cid:396)ds
 Use visual, auditory and kinesthetic cues to reprogram your mind
 Get past the initial difficult stages of trying to change your self-talk
 Use the right type of self-talk to help you improve your life
 Stop negative thinking and achieve emotional freedom

Change Your Thoughts and You’ll Change Your Life
Once you reprogram your mind to stop the crippling self-talk and instead feed your
mind with words of empowerment, you will experience less stress and worry, and
experience more happiness, joy and success in your relationships and career. I know it
(cid:271)e(cid:272)ause I(cid:859)(cid:448)e li(cid:448)ed it! Let(cid:859)s get started.
Introduction

A (cid:272)ouple of (cid:455)ea(cid:396)s ago, I (cid:449)as (cid:396)eadi(cid:374)g a (cid:271)ook (cid:272)alled (cid:862)Ps(cid:455)(cid:272)ho-C(cid:455)(cid:271)e(cid:396)(cid:374)eti(cid:272)s(cid:863) a(cid:374)d I (cid:272)a(cid:373)e
across a powerful concept about not fighting mental scarecrows.
The author of the book was referring to the scarecrows inside our heads. Similar to the
way a scarecrow is an illusion of a man to scare the birds away, I realized that we have
scarecrows inside our heads - illusio(cid:374)s that see(cid:373) (cid:396)eal (cid:894)(cid:271)ut a(cid:396)e(cid:374)(cid:859)t(cid:895) that (cid:272)ause us to worry
and get frustrated and angry.
When I look back at my relationships, I realize that the majority of the fights that I had
with my loved ones - my parents, my sister, my girlfriend, my friends - first started in my
head before they manifested into my real life.

Negative Self-Talk Ruins Relationships
A couple of years ago, my girlfriend, Chloe, and I used to text each other every day when
(cid:449)e (cid:449)e(cid:396)e at (cid:449)o(cid:396)k. These si(cid:373)ple, sho(cid:396)t te(cid:454)ts su(cid:272)h as (cid:862)Hope (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e ha(cid:448)i(cid:374)g a g(cid:396)eat da(cid:455)(cid:863) let
me know that my girlfriend cared about me. These daily messages had become a part of
ou(cid:396) (cid:396)elatio(cid:374)ship a(cid:374)d I(cid:859)d (cid:271)e(cid:272)o(cid:373)e used to (cid:396)e(cid:272)ei(cid:448)i(cid:374)g he(cid:396) (cid:396)a(cid:374)do(cid:373) te(cid:454)ts. Well, o(cid:374)e da(cid:455) (cid:449)he(cid:374)
her parents came to Hong Kong to visit her, she got tied up with showing them around. I
sent her a text message asking how she was doing and waited for a reply. An hour later -
I still did(cid:374)(cid:859)t ha(cid:448)e a(cid:374)(cid:455)thi(cid:374)g. Thi(cid:374)ki(cid:374)g she(cid:859)d (cid:373)issed the fi(cid:396)st o(cid:374)e, I sent off another text
message and waited. Still nothing. A couple of hours and several text messages later, I
still had(cid:374)(cid:859)t hea(cid:396)d f(cid:396)o(cid:373) he(cid:396). I k(cid:374)e(cid:449) that she(cid:859)d (cid:396)ead (cid:373)(cid:455) (cid:373)essages (cid:271)e(cid:272)ause (cid:373)(cid:455) pho(cid:374)e has
a special feature that allowed me to see when a message had been read, so I was
getti(cid:374)g f(cid:396)ust(cid:396)ated that I (cid:449)as(cid:374)(cid:859)t (cid:396)e(cid:272)ei(cid:448)i(cid:374)g a (cid:396)epl(cid:455). I(cid:374) (cid:373)(cid:455) (cid:373)i(cid:374)d, I (cid:271)ega(cid:374) to (cid:448)isualize (cid:449)hat I
would sa(cid:455) to he(cid:396). He(cid:396)e(cid:859)s the s(cid:272)e(cid:374)a(cid:396)io that (cid:271)ega(cid:374) pla(cid:455)i(cid:374)g i(cid:374) (cid:373)(cid:455) (cid:373)i(cid:374)d:
Me: I se(cid:374)t (cid:455)ou se(cid:448)e(cid:374) (cid:373)essages a(cid:374)d still did(cid:374)(cid:859)t get a(cid:374)(cid:455) (cid:396)epl(cid:455) f(cid:396)o(cid:373) (cid:455)ou!
He(cid:396): Yes, I(cid:859)(cid:373) so(cid:396)(cid:396)(cid:455), I (cid:449)as (cid:271)us(cid:455) sho(cid:449)i(cid:374)g (cid:373)(cid:455) pa(cid:396)e(cid:374)ts a(cid:396)ou(cid:374)d.
Me: I k(cid:374)o(cid:449) (cid:455)ou (cid:449)e(cid:396)e (cid:271)us(cid:455), (cid:271)ut it does(cid:374)(cid:859)t take that (cid:373)u(cid:272)h ti(cid:373)e to reply to a
message!
He(cid:396): It(cid:859)s (cid:374)ot a (cid:271)ig deal. It(cid:859)s just a te(cid:454)t (cid:373)essage.
Me: How would you feel if I did(cid:374)(cid:859)t reply to your messages? I know you read my
messages, yet you ignored me.
He(cid:396): I (cid:449)as(cid:374)(cid:859)t ig(cid:374)o(cid:396)i(cid:374)g (cid:455)ou, I (cid:449)as (cid:271)us(cid:455).
Me: You were ignoring me...you could have taken 30 seconds to let me know
(cid:449)hat (cid:455)ou (cid:449)e(cid:396)e up to a(cid:374)d let (cid:373)e k(cid:374)o(cid:449) (cid:455)ou (cid:449)e(cid:396)e (cid:271)us(cid:455), (cid:271)ut (cid:455)ou (cid:272)ould(cid:374)(cid:859)t (cid:271)e
bothered!
Have you ever found yourself painting gloom-and-doom scenarios in your mind before
they happen?
The imaginary fight I was having inside my head with Chloe was affecting my mood and
emotions the way that an actual fight would. While this mental fight was playing out, I
began feeling angrier with her. The result was that when I did see Chloe that night, I was
a lot angrier than I should have been.
I find that many fights we have with our loved ones usually start off with the negative
thoughts inside our heads that paint these gloom-and-doom scenarios. The negative
thoughts cause us to dwell on the negative aspects of our loved ones, making us
frustrated and angry. We then carry this frustration and anger into our relationship,
which usually results in a fight, which further increases our anger and causes us to feel
justified about our position. The end result is that our love for the pe(cid:396)so(cid:374) (cid:449)e(cid:859)(cid:396)e a(cid:396)gui(cid:374)g
with begins to erode until, in some cases, we never want to see the other person again.

Improve Your Self-Talk and You’ll Improve Your Mood and Behavior
What if, instead of having these negative thoughts that paint gloom-and-doom
scenarios, you could replace them with positive words?
What if, instead of having an imaginary fight with Chloe, I could have had a more
positive conversation with myself and told myself that she was probably very busy?
What if I had reminded myself that she(cid:859)d te(cid:454)ted (cid:373)e e(cid:448)e(cid:396)(cid:455) da(cid:455) (cid:449)ithout fail fo(cid:396) the past
two years? Would that have improved my mood? Yes. Would that have improved the
quality of my relationship with her that night? Definitely.
Fast forward to today, and Chloe and I have a great relationship. Instead of fighting with
the mental scarecrows in our heads, we are both understanding and loving towards
each other. We choose to use positive self-talk instead of falling prey to the doom-and-
gloom scenarios our brains paint for us when things don(cid:859)t go as (cid:449)e e(cid:454)pe(cid:272)ted.
So, what made the difference? How did I manage to go from doom-and-gloom scenarios
to being able to use positive self-talk to maintain a healthy and happy relationship not
only with my girlfriend, but also with my friends and family? The difference was the
tools that I learned to help me turn negative self-talk into empowering self-talk - the
same tools that I am going to share with you in this booklet.

Negative Self-Talk Is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Negati(cid:448)e thoughts do(cid:374)(cid:859)t just e(cid:396)ode our relationships with other people. They also erode
our relationships with ourselves. Let me explain. Have you ever gone for a job interview
a(cid:374)d fou(cid:374)d (cid:455)ou(cid:396)self thi(cid:374)ki(cid:374)g, (cid:862)I should(cid:374)(cid:859)t (cid:271)e he(cid:396)e. I do(cid:374)(cid:859)t ha(cid:448)e the (cid:396)ight (cid:395)ualifi(cid:272)atio(cid:374)s fo(cid:396)
this job. They pro(cid:271)a(cid:271)l(cid:455) (cid:449)o(cid:374)(cid:859)t like (cid:373)e (cid:271)e(cid:272)ause I(cid:859)(cid:373) (cid:374)ot good at i(cid:374)te(cid:396)(cid:448)ie(cid:449)s.(cid:863) You la(cid:271)el
yourself unworthy and your value depreciates in your own eyes. All this negative self-
talk ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy, causing you to further doubt yourself and
lose valuable opportunities in life.

What You Will Learn
I(cid:374) this (cid:271)ooklet, (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e goi(cid:374)g to lea(cid:396)(cid:374) ho(cid:449) to tu(cid:396)(cid:374) (cid:272)(cid:396)ippli(cid:374)g (cid:374)egati(cid:448)e self-talk into words
of empowerment. More specifically, you will learn how to:
 Avoid the kind of self-talk that causes you unnecessary anxiety and worry
 Use the rubber-band technique to snap yourself out of negative self-talk
 Use anchoring to snap out of a negative mindset and into a positive one
 Stop fighting mental scarecrows that ruin your relationships
 Stop asking yourself questions that reduce your self-esteem and make you feel
worthless
 Instantly improve your self-talk and mood by changing your physiology
 Use if-then planning to improve your relationships and become more productive
 Stop usi(cid:374)g (cid:862)a(cid:271)solute state(cid:373)e(cid:374)ts(cid:863) that (cid:373)ake (cid:455)ou feel i(cid:374)significant
 Get rid of limiting labels that you put on yourself
 Stop putting limiting labels on your friends, family and colleagues
 Change your behavior by controlling your internal self-talk
 Rep(cid:396)og(cid:396)a(cid:373) (cid:455)ou(cid:396) (cid:373)i(cid:374)d so that (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e (cid:374)ou(cid:396)ishi(cid:374)g (cid:455)ou(cid:396)self (cid:449)ith e(cid:373)po(cid:449)e(cid:396)ing words
 Use visual, auditory and kinesthetic cues to reprogram your mind
 Get past the initial difficult stages of trying to change your self-talk
 Use the right type of self-talk to help you improve your life

Let(cid:859)s get sta(cid:396)ted.
Chapter One
The Science of Labeling

The Labeling Technique
We use the labeling technique all the time. Some people we label as (cid:862)intelligent(cid:863) by
(cid:272)o(cid:374)siste(cid:374)tl(cid:455) sho(cid:449)e(cid:396)i(cid:374)g the(cid:373) (cid:449)ith su(cid:272)h p(cid:396)aise (cid:894)(cid:862)Wo(cid:449), (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e so s(cid:373)a(cid:396)t. You al(cid:449)a(cid:455)s see(cid:373)
to k(cid:374)o(cid:449) (cid:449)hat to do!(cid:863)(cid:895). U(cid:374)fo(cid:396)tu(cid:374)atel(cid:455), other people are we label as (cid:862)dumb(cid:863) (cid:894)(cid:862)You(cid:859)(cid:396)e
su(cid:272)h a(cid:374) idiot! You (cid:374)e(cid:448)e(cid:396) do a(cid:374)(cid:455)thi(cid:374)g (cid:272)o(cid:396)(cid:396)e(cid:272)tl(cid:455)!(cid:863)(cid:895). A(cid:374)d ti(cid:373)e afte(cid:396) ti(cid:373)e, (cid:271)oth these
groups prove our expectations correct. Is it that we are good predictors of human
behavior? Or is our labeling actually influe(cid:374)(cid:272)i(cid:374)g people(cid:859)s (cid:271)eha(cid:448)io(cid:396)s?
I(cid:374) his (cid:271)estselli(cid:374)g (cid:271)ook (cid:862)YES: (cid:1009)(cid:1004) S(cid:272)ie(cid:374)tifi(cid:272)all(cid:455) P(cid:396)o(cid:448)e(cid:374) Wa(cid:455)s to Be Pe(cid:396)suasi(cid:448)e,(cid:863) D(cid:396). Ro(cid:271)e(cid:396)t
Cialdini talks about a piece of research on the labeling technique conducted by Alice
Tybout and Richard Yalch. In this research, the two experimenters wanted to see if they
could use the labeling technique to increase the likelihood that voters would vote on
Election Day.
To test this theory, the two researchers interviewed a large number of potential voters.
They then randomly assigned half the (cid:448)ote(cid:396)s the la(cid:271)el of (cid:862)good (cid:272)itize(cid:374)(cid:863) (cid:271)(cid:455) i(cid:374)fo(cid:396)(cid:373)i(cid:374)g
the(cid:373) that (cid:271)ased o(cid:374) thei(cid:396) i(cid:374)te(cid:396)(cid:448)ie(cid:449), the(cid:455) (cid:449)e(cid:396)e (cid:862)a(cid:271)o(cid:448)e a(cid:448)e(cid:396)age (cid:272)itize(cid:374)s likel(cid:455) to (cid:448)ote a(cid:374)d
participate in political events.(cid:863) The othe(cid:396) half (cid:449)as i(cid:374)fo(cid:396)(cid:373)ed that the(cid:455) (cid:449)e(cid:396)e (cid:862)a(cid:448)e(cid:396)age
citizens.(cid:863)
Now remember, the labels given to the two groups were purely random. If the labeling
te(cid:272)h(cid:374)i(cid:395)ue had (cid:374)o effe(cid:272)t o(cid:374) people(cid:859)s (cid:271)eha(cid:448)io(cid:396)s, the(cid:374) (cid:449)e (cid:449)ould e(cid:454)pe(cid:272)t to see a(cid:374) e(cid:395)ual
number of people from each group vote in the election that was going to be held the
week after.
So, what were the results?

Labels Influence Behavior
It tu(cid:396)(cid:374)s out that (cid:862)la(cid:271)eli(cid:374)g(cid:863) people a(cid:272)tuall(cid:455) i(cid:374)flue(cid:374)(cid:272)es thei(cid:396) (cid:271)eha(cid:448)io(cid:396). I(cid:374) this (cid:272)ase, the
g(cid:396)oup that (cid:449)as i(cid:374)fo(cid:396)(cid:373)ed that the(cid:455) (cid:449)e(cid:396)e (cid:862)a(cid:271)o(cid:448)e-a(cid:448)e(cid:396)age(cid:863) citizens came to believe that
this was true and so on Election Day, they were 15% more likely to vote than the
(cid:862)a(cid:448)e(cid:396)age(cid:863) group.
Placing Limiting Labels on Others
This has p(cid:396)ofou(cid:374)d (cid:272)o(cid:374)se(cid:395)ue(cid:374)(cid:272)es fo(cid:396) (cid:455)ou(cid:396) pe(cid:396)so(cid:374)al life. Sa(cid:455), fo(cid:396) e(cid:454)a(cid:373)ple, that (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e the
pa(cid:396)e(cid:374)t of a (cid:272)hild (cid:449)ho(cid:859)s (cid:374)ot doi(cid:374)g too (cid:449)ell i(cid:374) s(cid:272)hool. If i(cid:374) a(cid:374)ge(cid:396) (cid:455)ou sa(cid:455) thi(cid:374)gs like, (cid:862)You
(cid:374)e(cid:448)e(cid:396) (cid:449)o(cid:396)k! You(cid:859)ll (cid:374)e(cid:448)e(cid:396) do (cid:449)ell!(cid:863) the(cid:374) (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:448)e la(cid:271)eled (cid:455)ou(cid:396) (cid:272)hild as (cid:862)laz(cid:455)(cid:863) a(cid:374)d
(cid:862)i(cid:374)(cid:272)apa(cid:271)le.(cid:863) You(cid:396) (cid:272)hild (cid:449)ill (cid:272)o(cid:373)e to see hi(cid:373)/herself as (cid:862)laz(cid:455) a(cid:374)d i(cid:374)(cid:272)apa(cid:271)le(cid:863) a(cid:374)d (cid:449)ill a(cid:272)t
consistently with this image.
If, on the other hand, you want to motivate your child, or anyone else for that matter,
then use the labeling technique to remind that person of the potential that they have.
E(cid:374)(cid:272)ou(cid:396)age the(cid:373). Tell the(cid:373): (cid:862)You ha(cid:448)e so (cid:373)u(cid:272)h pote(cid:374)tial to do g(cid:396)eat thi(cid:374)gs. I k(cid:374)o(cid:449) that
if you will work hard this coming semester, (cid:455)ou(cid:859)ll get (cid:271)ette(cid:396) g(cid:396)ades.(cid:863) a(cid:374)d the(cid:455)(cid:859)ll li(cid:448)e up
to your expectations.

Placing Limiting Labels on Yourself
We do(cid:374)(cid:859)t just put li(cid:373)iti(cid:374)g la(cid:271)els o(cid:374) othe(cid:396)s. A lot of the ti(cid:373)e, (cid:449)e put li(cid:373)iti(cid:374)g la(cid:271)els o(cid:374)
ourselves. We say to ou(cid:396)sel(cid:448)es thi(cid:374)gs su(cid:272)h as, (cid:862)I(cid:859)(cid:373) just (cid:374)ot good at (cid:373)ath.(cid:863) This li(cid:373)iti(cid:374)g
label sends a command to our brain telling it to perform poorly at math. In this aspect,
our brain is like a computer - it will accept whatever command we give it, regardless of
whether it is true or not. This means that if we put rubbish in, we get rubbish out.
Let me give you an example of mental commands. I remember a time when I was seated
at the dining table having dinner with my family. Just as we were beginning to eat, my
mum turned to (cid:373)e a(cid:374)d said, (cid:862)Akash, (cid:272)a(cid:374) (cid:455)ou go get the salt f(cid:396)o(cid:373) i(cid:374)side the kit(cid:272)he(cid:374)
cabinet?(cid:863) Ha(cid:448)i(cid:374)g (cid:271)ee(cid:374) to the kit(cid:272)he(cid:374) (cid:272)a(cid:271)i(cid:374)et a(cid:374)d (cid:374)ot (cid:396)e(cid:373)e(cid:373)(cid:271)e(cid:396)i(cid:374)g seei(cid:374)g the salt, I
said, (cid:862)The salt is(cid:374)(cid:859)t i(cid:374) the (cid:272)a(cid:271)i(cid:374)et. I al(cid:396)ead(cid:455) (cid:272)he(cid:272)ked.(cid:863) Mu(cid:373) pe(cid:396)sisted, (cid:862)Go (cid:272)he(cid:272)k agai(cid:374)!(cid:863)
So I grumpily stood up and walked over to the cabinet and looked around. Lo and
(cid:271)ehold, (cid:374)o salt. I (cid:449)alked (cid:271)a(cid:272)k to the ta(cid:271)le, p(cid:396)o(cid:272)lai(cid:373)i(cid:374)g, (cid:862)Mu(cid:373), I looked. The(cid:396)e(cid:859)s (cid:374)o salt
i(cid:374) the (cid:272)a(cid:271)i(cid:374)et!(cid:863)
She i(cid:374)sisted agai(cid:374), (cid:862)It(cid:859)s (cid:396)ight the(cid:396)e! Go (cid:272)he(cid:272)k agai(cid:374)!(cid:863) I (cid:449)alked (cid:271)a(cid:272)k, looked inside the
cabinet, and again, no salt! I stormed back: (cid:862)The(cid:396)e is(cid:374)(cid:859)t a(cid:374)(cid:455) salt!(cid:863)
Mum stood up from the table, grabbed me by the ear and pulled me to the kitchen
cabinet. She flung open the cabinet doors, and right there - right in front of my eyes -
was the kitchen salt!
After having shared this story with a lot of my seminar participants, I know that this is a
very common experience for most people. Have you ever had a similar experience?
Mental commands can be so powerful that they can make you blind to physical objects
which are right in front of your eyes.
A (cid:373)e(cid:374)tal (cid:272)o(cid:373)(cid:373)a(cid:374)d su(cid:272)h as (cid:862)I (cid:272)a(cid:374)(cid:859)t fi(cid:374)d the salt(cid:863) (cid:449)o(cid:374)(cid:859)t ha(cid:448)e life-changing
(cid:272)o(cid:374)se(cid:395)ue(cid:374)(cid:272)es. Ho(cid:449)e(cid:448)e(cid:396), thi(cid:374)k of the li(cid:373)iti(cid:374)g la(cid:271)els that (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:448)e put o(cid:374) (cid:455)ou(cid:396)self, such as
(cid:862)I(cid:859)(cid:373) (cid:374)ot a (cid:272)o(cid:374)fide(cid:374)t pe(cid:396)so(cid:374)(cid:863) o(cid:396) (cid:862)I(cid:859)(cid:373) (cid:374)ot good at i(cid:374)te(cid:396)(cid:448)ie(cid:449)s(cid:863) o(cid:396) (cid:862)I (cid:272)a(cid:374)(cid:859)t speak i(cid:374) pu(cid:271)li(cid:272).(cid:863)
These limiting labels do have major consequences on your life. As a result of these
limiting labels, you miss out on many opportunities.

Labels Can Be Changed
One of the labels that I had put on myself (cid:449)as (cid:862)I (cid:272)a(cid:374)(cid:859)t speak i(cid:374) pu(cid:271)li(cid:272).(cid:863) As a tee(cid:374)age(cid:396), I
was very shy. I was the person who always sat at the back of the class hoping that the
tea(cid:272)he(cid:396) (cid:449)ould(cid:374)(cid:859)t (cid:272)all o(cid:374) (cid:373)e (cid:271)e(cid:272)ause I (cid:449)as too te(cid:396)(cid:396)ified of speaki(cid:374)g i(cid:374) f(cid:396)o(cid:374)t of (cid:373)(cid:455)
classmates. During lunch, I would sit with my friends but would not say anything
because I was scared of voicing my thoughts out loud. And when it came to talking to
girls - well, that was mission impossible!
Let(cid:859)s fast fo(cid:396)(cid:449)a(cid:396)d to toda(cid:455). Now I(cid:859)(cid:448)e (cid:271)ee(cid:374) (cid:396)a(cid:374)ked as o(cid:374)e of the top speake(cid:396)s i(cid:374) Asia
Pa(cid:272)ifi(cid:272). I(cid:859)(cid:448)e (cid:449)o(cid:374) o(cid:448)e(cid:396) 40 public speaking awards and I make a living as a professional
speake(cid:396). I do(cid:374)(cid:859)t sha(cid:396)e these a(cid:272)(cid:272)o(cid:373)plish(cid:373)e(cid:374)ts to i(cid:373)p(cid:396)ess (cid:455)ou, (cid:271)ut to i(cid:373)p(cid:396)ess upo(cid:374) (cid:455)ou
that limiting labels can be removed. You can consciously choose to remove a limiting
label and replace it with a more empowering one.
So, how was I able to remove my limiting label?
When I was studying in Hong Kong, I read the research that I shared with you earlier on
the power of labeling. Realizing that I was labeling myself by thinking, (cid:862)I (cid:272)a(cid:374)(cid:859)t speak i(cid:374)
public,(cid:863) I (cid:373)ade a conscious decision to change the label. I decided to change the label to
(cid:862)I a(cid:373) getti(cid:374)g (cid:271)ette(cid:396) at pu(cid:271)li(cid:272) speaki(cid:374)g.(cid:863) I follo(cid:449)ed this (cid:449)ith a(cid:272)tio(cid:374) to (cid:271)a(cid:272)k up (cid:373)(cid:455) (cid:374)e(cid:449)
label - I joined Toastmasters International, which is a group dedicated to helping people
improve their public speaking skills. At the meetings, I volunteered to give speeches,
which helped back up my new label that I was getting better. Even when my speeches
(cid:449)e(cid:396)e(cid:374)(cid:859)t as good as I hoped fo(cid:396) - I stumbled over my words and forgot what I was saying
- I (cid:449)alked a(cid:449)a(cid:455) f(cid:396)o(cid:373) the e(cid:454)pe(cid:396)ie(cid:374)(cid:272)e sa(cid:455)i(cid:374)g to (cid:373)(cid:455)self, (cid:862)I(cid:859)(cid:373) getti(cid:374)g (cid:271)ette(cid:396). It(cid:859)s a p(cid:396)o(cid:272)ess,
and each time I speak, I walk away a little better than I (cid:449)as (cid:271)efo(cid:396)e.(cid:863) This shift i(cid:374) (cid:373)i(cid:374)dset
helped me become more confident when speaking and eventually, after close to a
hundred speeches, I had finally gotten to the point where I was honestly able to say to
(cid:373)(cid:455)self, (cid:862)I(cid:859)(cid:373) good at pu(cid:271)li(cid:272) speaki(cid:374)g.(cid:863) Be(cid:272)ause I (cid:272)ha(cid:374)ged (cid:373)(cid:455) i(cid:374)te(cid:396)(cid:374)al self-talk, I was able
to turn public speaking from something that frightened me to something that I am
passionate about and make a living from.

8-Step Process for Changing a Label
1. The first step in solving any problem is to acknowledge that there is a problem.
This means that you need to acknowledge that you have placed a limiting label on
(cid:455)ou(cid:396)self. While the(cid:396)e (cid:373)a(cid:455) (cid:271)e (cid:373)a(cid:374)(cid:455) li(cid:373)iti(cid:374)g la(cid:271)els (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:448)e pla(cid:272)ed o(cid:374) (cid:455)ou(cid:396)self,
choose to work on only one label at a time. Trying to change too many labels at
once will most likely result in you being unable to change any of them.
2. Look at how much the limiting label is costing you. What opportunities are you
missing out on because of living with this label? How much more would you be
able to accomplish if you were able to get rid of this limiting label?
3. Make a conscious decision to change the label. Decide that you will no longer live
with the limiting label.
4. In order to successfully remove a limiting label, you need to replace the limiting
label with a more empowering label. Choose a new, empowering label for
yourself.
5. Your brain will most likely immediately reject your new label. For example, if your
old la(cid:271)el (cid:449)as (cid:862)I a(cid:373) (cid:448)e(cid:396)(cid:455) sh(cid:455),(cid:863) adopti(cid:374)g the (cid:374)e(cid:449) la(cid:271)el (cid:862)I a(cid:373) (cid:272)o(cid:374)fide(cid:374)t(cid:863) (cid:449)ill (cid:272)ause
(cid:455)ou to feel like (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e l(cid:455)i(cid:374)g to (cid:455)ou(cid:396)self. The(cid:396)efo(cid:396)e, i(cid:374)stead of adopti(cid:374)g the (cid:374)e(cid:449)
label immediatel(cid:455), adopt a t(cid:396)a(cid:374)sitio(cid:374) la(cid:271)el that sho(cid:449)s (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e (cid:373)aki(cid:374)g p(cid:396)og(cid:396)ess
towards your desired label, e.g., (cid:862)I a(cid:373) (cid:271)e(cid:272)o(cid:373)i(cid:374)g a (cid:373)o(cid:396)e (cid:272)o(cid:374)fide(cid:374)t pe(cid:396)so(cid:374).(cid:863)
6. Take action to help justify your transition label. For example, if you are trying to
become more confident, you might challenge yourself to go outside your comfort
zone and deliver a speech or talk to a new person. Taking action is crucial because
it will justify to your brain that your new label is correct. It will stop you from
feeli(cid:374)g (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e l(cid:455)i(cid:374)g to (cid:455)ou(cid:396)self a(cid:374)d instead make you (cid:396)ealize that (cid:455)ou(cid:859)(cid:396)e a(cid:272)tuall(cid:455)