Social development as preference management how infants, children, and parents get what they want from one another

389 Pages·2010·2.398 MB·English

by  Karniol, Rachel

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SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT AS PREFERENCE MANAGEMENT
This engaging book presents social development in children through the language of
preferencemanagement.Conversationalexcerptsgarneredfromaroundtheworldtrace
how parents talk about preferences, how infants’ and children’s emergent language
conveystheirpreferences,howchildrenthemselvesareimpactedbyothers’preferences,
andhowthey,inturn,influencethepreferencesofadultsandpeers.Thelanguageof
preferences is used to crack into altruism, aggression, and morality, which are ways
of coming to terms with other people’s preferences. Behind the scenes is a cognitive
enginethatusestransformationalthought–conductingtemporal,imaginal,andmental
transformations–tofigureoutotherpeople’spreferencesandtofindmoresophisticated
meansofoutmaneuveringothersbypersuadingthemandplayingwithone’sownmind
and other people’s minds when preferences are blocked. This book is a unique and
sometimes amusing must-read for anyone interested in child development, language
acquisition,socialization,andcommunication.
RachelKarniolisProfessorofSocialDevelopmentintheDepartmentofPsychologyand
SchoolofEducation,TelAvivUniversity,Israel.ShehasalsotaughtattheUniversity
of Toronto, Princeton University, Carnegie Mellon University, Tufts University, and
theUniversityofFlorida.Herworkhasbeenpublishedinseveraleditedvolumesand
in many journals, including Psychological Review, Psychological Bulletin, Journal of
PersonalityandSocialPsychology,ChildDevelopment,andDevelopmentalPsychology.
In memory of my parents
Irene Deutsch Karniol and Eugene Karniol
Holocaust survivors from Hungary and Transylvania
and their families who did not survive
SOCIAL
DEVELOPMENT
AS PREFERENCE
MANAGEMENT
HOW INFANTS, CHILDREN, AND
PARENTS GET WHAT THEY WANT
FROM ONE ANOTHER
Rachel Karniol
TelAvivUniversity
CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY PRESS
Cambridge, New York, Melbourne, Madrid, Cape Town, Singapore,
São Paulo, Delhi, Dubai, Tokyo
Cambridge University Press
The Edinburgh Building, Cambridge CB2 8RU, UK
Published in the United States of America by Cambridge University Press, New York
www.cambridge.org
Information on this title: www.cambridge.org/9780521119504
© Rachel Karniol 2010
This publication is in copyright. Subject to statutory exception and to the
provision of relevant collective licensing agreements, no reproduction of any part
may take place without the written permission of Cambridge University Press.
First published in print format 2010
ISBN-13 978-0-511-74412-9 eBook (EBL)
ISBN-13 978-0-521-11950-4 Hardback
ISBN-13 978-0-521-13530-6 Paperback
Cambridge University Press has no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy
of urls for external or third-party internet websites referred to in this publication,
and does not guarantee that any content on such websites is, or will remain,
accurate or appropriate.
Contents
Acknowledgments pagevii
Introduction....................................................1
1 TheBaby“PreferenceGame”......................................10
2 Children’sExpressionofPreferences................................26
3 EmergingMeta-Preferences.......................................45
4 OtherPeople’sPreferences........................................63
5 ParentingandPreferenceManagement..............................89
6 ChannelingChildren’sPreferences ................................ 107
7 TemporizingPreferences........................................129
8 RestrictingChildren’sPreferences.................................149
9 DiscipliningNoncompliance ..................................... 171
10 PlanesofTransformationalThought:Temporal,Imaginal,andMental....190
11 ManipulatingOthers ........................................... 219
12 CopingandSelf-Regulating......................................244
13 MindPlay:ApplyingTransformationalThought......................269
14 MindingOne’sOwnVersusOthers’Preferences:Altruism,Aggression,
andMorality..................................................292
15 TyingUp.....................................................316
References 323
SubjectIndex 362
NameIndex 365
v

Acknowledgments
I would like to thank Hildy Ross, Suzanne Hidi, Robert Lubov, and Caroline Bowen
fortheirhelpfulcommentsonearlierversionsofseveralchapters;RobertaKlatzkyand
JohnLevinefortheirhospitalitywhileIwasonsabbaticalatCarnegieMellonUniversity
and the University of Pittsburgh; Eric Schwartz (formerly of Cambridge University
PressandnowofPrincetonUniversityPress)forencouragingmetocontinuewriting;
andSiminaCalin,myeditoratCambridgeUniversityPress,forbringingthisbookto
fruition.
IalsothankKarenandOrren(onwhoseemergentspeechmuchofthisbookisbased)
fortoleratingbeingfollowedaroundwithanotebookduringtheirearlyyearsaswellas
theircommentsontheintroductoryandfinalchaptersandYoramforputtingupwith
myworkinghoursandforsharingthepleasuresofparenthoodwithme.
vii