Skinny Bitch Book of Vegan Swaps

364 Pages·2012·1.2 MB·English

by  Barnouin

Dedication
To my parents Linda and Rob,
I’ve always wanted to make you proud,
while you just cared about my happiness.
I hope I’ve achieved both in your eyes.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Introduction
1 Where the Hell to Shop
2 Veggin’ Out
A Rundown of Restaurants, Cafés, and Bakeries Serving Vegan Selections
3 What to Eat at the Airport
4 Weekend Vegan
5 Ten Habits of a Healthy Vegan
6 Decoding the Label
Spotting Animal Ingredients
7 Dairy Swaps
Cream Cheese
Cheese
Yogurt
Milk
Sour Cream
8 Egg and Meat Swaps
Eggs
Tofu
Ground Beef
Canned Beef
Beef Jerky
Bacon
Sausage
Hot Dogs
Burgers
Chicken Nuggets
Chicken Strips
Wings, Drumsticks, and Ribs
Deli Slices
Tuna
Seafood
9 Condiment Swaps
Butter
Mayonnaise
Ketchup
Gravy Mixes
Worcestershire Sauce
Pasta Sauce
Soy Sauce
Teriyaki and Asian Sauces
Barbecue Sauce
Cooking Broth
Cooking Sauces
Pestos and Tapenades
Seasonings
Nutritional Yeast
Hummus
Dips
Fruit Spreads
Nut Butters
Salad Dressing
Oils and Vinegars
10 Dry Goods Swaps
Pasta
Noodles
Canned Beans
Canned Tomatoes
Dried Beans and Lentils
Soups
Ramen Noodles
Breads
Bagels and English Muffins
Tortillas
Taco Shells
Croutons
Chips and Crackers
Popcorn
Cereal
Mac ’n’ Cheese
Instant Mashed Potatoes
Nutrition Bars
Baked Goods
Doughnuts
Blondies
Brownies
Candy
Chocolate
11 Frozen Food Swaps
Waffles
Burritos
Breakfast Meals
Stir-Fries
Entrees
Pizza
Appetizers
12 Dessert and Baking Swaps
Cookies
Ice Cream
Baking Mixes
Sugar
Flours and Meals
Icing
Pudding and Gels
Chocolate Chips
Sprinkles
Agar Agar
Shortening
Condensed Milk and Cream
Marshmallows
Whipped Cream
13 Beverage Swaps
Tea
Soda
Wine
Beer
Index
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Other Works
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
Footnotes
Introduction
S
o you say you’re going vegan. Or at least you’re going to give it a whirl.
Maybe you’ll just try it for a weekend. Either way, you’re doing it. Yay, you.
But it’s a wild, wild world out there. Beyond the meatless food trucks and
vegan celebrities with live-in chefs, there’s a supermarket that’s ready to eat you
whole, stilettos and all. Professional samplers stand behind tables shoving
chicken cubes on toothpicks at you. The frozen-food aisles are full of crap I
wouldn’t feed to my cats. And the words “natural,” “organic,” and “cruelty-free”
are competing for face time on packaged foods as if they were prime-time reality
TV shows.
What you need, my friend, is someone who can show you the way; someone
who’s looking out for you.
Um, hello?! That would be me, bitch.
Let me tell you why I’m your damn knight in shining armor, princess.
Because I’ve been there. I’ve endured months on end eating frozen bean-and-
rice burritos and soup out of a can, because I had no idea what I was doing. I had
decided I wasn’t going to eat meat and dairy, so as long as it didn’t look like it
used to have legs, live on a farm, or come out of a chicken’s ass, it looked good
to me. But isn’t that the problem? As vegans or pseudo-vegans, we tend to stuff
our mouths with garbage, because we think our choices are limited. But they’re
not, my dear. Not even close.
So regardless of what stage you’re at—going vegan cold turkey, taking the
thirty-day challenge, or having been a clueless plant eater for years—this book is
your supermarket bible. This is for all of you who have the compassion,
decency, and dedication to make changes in your life that have an impact on our
world, but just need to know what you have at your disposal and where to get it.
I have done more than a year’s worth of research to assemble some of the
tastiest, most authentic, and healthiest products in every category from meatless
BBQ wings to gelatin-free marshmallows to vegan wine and beer, so that you
can have the guidance I wish I had had all along.
Let me stress one word I just mentioned: healthy. Aside from more pure and
nourishing alternatives for traditional animal products, I take it a step farther and
offer more nutritious alternatives for conventional everyday foods such as flour,
tortillas, canned tomatoes, peanut butter, chips, cereal, soda, and more.
Basically, this in-depth guide covers everything you will stick in your kid’s
mouth or put in your health-conscious pantry or refrigerator.
Here’s the kick in the ass: nowadays, it’s tough to tell the difference between
a pineapple and a preservative. The food on our shelves is not only making us
fat; it’s also responsible for a number of diseases and ailments, including
attention deficit disorder (ADHD), diabetes, heart disease, and even cancer. As
we make transitions in our diets, we assume the responsibility for arming
ourselves with the knowledge and tools to make grocery shopping a safe activity
again. Because nobody is watching out for you but you.
I admit that not every product in this book is squeaky clean. Some still
contain a few artificial ingredients I don’t love. But we’re human. Sometimes we
need a piece of soy beef jerky or a calorie-packed salad dressing to get us
through PMS or a shitty breakup. The point is to give you options. Options are
key, honey. Once you know how much is out there, have the time to experiment
with new products, find what your taste buds fancy, and switch things up, the
rest is easy. You’ve eliminated your obstacles, and before you know it seitan
tastes like the real thing.
Before I shut up, to make sure you are constantly entertained by this
transition, I put together lists of natural-food retailers, popular airport food, and
my favorite restaurants and bakeries across the country, so you’ll know where to
shop and where to go when you’re on the road. And for those of you debating
how to get started, I created a weekend vegan menu and recipes to strip away
any anxiety. (I don’t cope well with panic attacks.)
In a perfect world, well, my perfect world, ditching meat and animal products
wouldn’t be that tough. Healthy, meatless foods that made us feel and live better
would be available in vending machines. Natural-food retailers would replace
the food superstore or Starbucks on every corner. But, let’s face it—the world
ain’t perfect. And I’ll be darned, neither is the supermarket.
Until then, you’re just going to have to be the chick carrying a book around
the grocery store with the word bitch on the cover. You’re welcome.
Love & Peace,
Kim