Shyness & love : causes, consequences, and treatment PDF
Preview Shyness & love : causes, consequences, and treatment
S & L HYNESS OVE _________________________ Causes, Consequences, and Treatment _________________________ SECOND EDITION Brian G. Gilmartin ® University Press of America, Inc. Lanham · Boulder · New York · Toronto · Plymouth, UK Copyright © 2013 by ® University Press of America, Inc. 4501 Forbes Boulevard Suite 200 Lanham, Maryland 20706 UPA Acquisitions Department (301) 459-3366 10 Thornbury Road Plymouth PL6 7PP United Kingdom All rights reserved Printed in the United States of America British Library Cataloging in Publication Information Available Library of Congress Control Number: 2012952518 ISBN: 978-0-7618-6059-4 (clothbound : alk. paper) eISBN: 978-0-7618-6060-0 The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information Sciences—Permanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI Z39.48-1992 This book is dedicated to the promotion of responsible free choice and self- determination—something to which all human beings everywhere ought to be fully entitled. This book is also dedicated to: (1) To Dr. Allegra Patten, a more breathtakingly spectacular and totally unforgettable “natural wonder” than Machu Picchu. Dedicated to Allegra with all of my deepest and eternal love. (2) To Mr. Taras “the Gnome” Fortuna of Bradford, West Yorkshire, England, my favourite male friend. (3) To Mr. George V. Gilmartin, my father, without whose help this project would never have been possible. Also, special thanks go to Justin Urban and Seth Gobin whose work in the 2000s helped make this reprint a possibility. Further acknowledgement goes to Christopher J. K. Croal who funded this second edition. Mr. Croal would personally like to thank his family and Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin for their help and support. Also by Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin: THE GILMARTIN REPORT: INSIDE SWINGING FAMILIES (1978). SHYNESS & LOVE: CAUSES, CONSEQUENCES AND TREATMENT, First Edition (1987). PREMARITAL BIRTH CONTROL (1988). THE SHY MAN SYNDROME: WHY MEN BECOME LOVE-SHY AND HOW THEY CAN OVERCOME IT (1989). HOW TO EXCEL AT PARENTING: 33 PROVEN SUCCESS STRATEGIES (2003). Other books on love-shyness: THE LOVE-SHY SURVIVAL GUIDE (2009) by Talmer Shockley Table of Contents List of Figures ix Foreword xi Acknowledgements xvii Chapter 1: Introduction 1 What Is Love-Shyness? 4 Love-Shyness is a Serious Problem 7 Viewing Someone to Love as a Cure-All 15 Normative Timetables of Self-Revelation 17 Why This Book? 19 . Love-Shyness Costs Society Money 24 Plan of the Book 27 PART ONE: THE BIOLOGICAL UNDERPINNINGS OF LOVE-SHYNESS Chapter 2: Love-Shyness and the Nature versus Nurture Debate 33 The Phenomenon of Inborn Temperament 34 The Work of Hans J. Eysenck 35 Love-Shyness and the Inborn Anxiety Threshold 38 The Importance of Social Stimulus Value 40 The Work of Alexander Thomas 42 The Jerome Kagan Work 44 The Importance of Enzymes 49 Some Related Work on Depression 53 Biogenic Amines 57 Anxiety Disease 59 Dopamine 65 Schizophrenia 65 Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders 66 Conclusions 68 vi Table of Contents Chapter 3: Societal Reactions and Elastic Limits 72 The “Wish Bone Effect” 74 The Sociological Perspective 78 Every Group Needs a Deviant 78 The “Apperceptive Mass” Concept 87 Conclusions 90 PART TWO: THE RESEARCH STUDY AND THE DATA IT UNCOVERED Chapter 4: How the Information Was Obtained 95 Who is “Love-Shy?” 95 Why Study Men Only? 96 The “Felt Deprivation” Concept 97 The “Closet Heterosexual” Concept 100 The “Male Lesbian” Concept 102 The Prevalence of Love-Shyness 107 How the Respondents Were Obtained 108 The Importance of LOVE-Shyness 115 Summary 116 Chapter 5: Love-Shyness: Its Intrauterine Beginnings 118 The East German Research 118 My Own Findings 122 Love-Shys as Quiet Babies 125 Chapter 6: Family Composition 134 Brothers and Sisters 134 Quality of Parents’ Marriages 141 Conclusions 142 Chapter 7: Love-Shyness and the All-Male Peer Group 144 The Key Importance for Dating of Friendship Networks 146 The Harlow Research 147 The Polish Peasant 147 Bullying 148 Frailness of Body Build 149 Masculine Toys 153 The Baseball, Basketball and Football Syndrome 154 Table of Contents vii Most People Know What Is in Their Best Interests 158 Current Peer Group Interaction 170 Chapter 8: Beauty and the Love-Shy 178 The Need for Beauty 179 The Love-Shys’ Own Esthetic Attributes 184 Beauty and the Older Love-Shys 186 Cloning as a Future Option 188 Accentuating the Positive 195 Summary 196 PART THREE: THERAPY AND PREVENTION Chapter 9: Practice-Dating Therapy 201 Behaviour Therapy Approaches 201 The “Practice-Dating” Model 203 Chapter 10: Some Therapeutic Adjuncts 231 The Nude Jacuzzi Experience 231 Therapy Employing Sexual Surrogates 233 Bibliotherapy 237 Why Not Simply Use Commercial Dating Services? 241 Self-Image Psychology as a Therapeutic Adjunct 249 Self-Image Therapy 255 Some Rejoinders for Traditional Psychotherapists 260 Chapter 11: Some Recommendations Concerning Prevention 266 Research on Gene Splicing 266 Bullying 267 The Cruellest Bully of All 272 Some Recommendations Concerning Dogs 278 Coeducational Dormitories: Their Limitations 281 The “Harrad” Dormitory Option 283 The Psychic Healing of Important Enzymes 285 The Effect of Increasing Social Interaction 286 The High School Curriculum 288 Ballroom Dancing 291 Religion 293 Encounter Groups 293 Might Fraternity Membership Help? 295 viii Table of Contents Use of Autistic Adolescent Girls 301 Chapter 12: Some Final Thoughts 305 A Different Philosophy 307 What Is Needed 308 Judging a Person by Their Actions 319 Elementary School Children 320 Postscript 321 List of Figures Figure 1: Eysenck Cross of Inborn Temperament 37 Figure 2: The Wish Bone Effect 75
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