She's Six Steps Away: Get Past Approach Anxiety & Meet the Woman You Want

208 Pages·2012·0.67 MB·English

by  Eric Disco

Get Past Approach Anxiety & Meet the
Woman You Want
Eric Disco
Copyright © 2012, Eric Disco. All rights reserved.
Stay In Touch and Get Support
Visit ApproachAnxiety.com for articles, updates, the ap-
proach forum, and more.
Book design by Cecilia Sorochin
TABLe Of cOnTenTS
MY STORY 1
The Six STeP MeThOd 8
PART 1: WhAT dOeS SucceSS LOOk Like? ThE ClIEnT ProfIlES 10
Parker 11
Todd 15
Chris 19
PART 2: LeT YOuR BOdY LeARn - ThE PrInCIPlES ThAT PowEr ThE
SIx STEP METhoD 24
why You Can’t Get rid of That feeling 24
how to Stop Trying and Simply Do 31
The Six Step Method 38
Those feelings Can help You 45
ExErcisE: Identify Your Thoughts, feelings, and Behaviors 53
PART 3: The Six STePS 58
sTeP 1: Go out Consistently 59
sTeP 2: Get next to her 74
sTeP 3: Say Something 88

Dealing with rejection and Embarrassment 106

sTeP 4: Stay a while 122
sTeP 5: Get to Know her 142
sTeP 6: Get Emotional 158
The six sTePs of Being direCT 181
SuMMARY: ThE MoST IMPorTAnT SKIll of All 199
Intro
M Y S T O R Y
It’s a Monday afternoon. I walk along the cobblestone path in Bry-
ant Park in New York City. The sun is peeking through the giant, leafy
trees. I’m on my lunch break and the park is bustling. People chat, eat
lunch, and sun themselves on the great rectangular lawn.
The park is familiar terrain for me. I walk through it every day on
my way to and from work, and eat my lunch there on nice days. I
enjoy sitting and watching the self-assured, professional women walk
through midtown.
But today is different. Totally different. Instead of simply sitting and
watching these attractive women, I’m about to have a conversation
with one of them.
Five years earlier, when I moved to New York City, I was excited about
the possibility of meeting lots of women. But after an entire year I was
stuck in a dry spell. I hadn’t been on a single date.
And beautiful women were everywhere around me, just out of reach.
On a perfect summer afternoon you couldn’t walk a city block with-
out seeing an attractive woman.
A redhead, alone, sitting and reading in the park. A serene look on her
face, like she wouldn’t mind a nice guy saying hi to her. An artsy bru-
nette in tight jeans and a tight shirt, walking past me on the sidewalk.
intro · my story · 1 ·
I saw them on the train on my way to work. I saw them in the park. I
saw them at the deli. I saw them walking through my neighborhood
on Sunday afternoons.
But I couldn’t get near these women. My throat tightened at the
thought of starting a conversation. Something I couldn’t articulate was
stopping me from simply talking to someone I didn’t know.
I was an artist and considered myself a nonconformist. In college I
dyed my hair crazy colors and pierced myself. I didn’t care what any-
one thought. I worked on music and writing, solitary pursuits that
allowed me to spend hours alone. I preferred that, because I didn’t feel
comfortable around strangers.
The only thing that eclipsed my ambition as an artist was my desire to
one day have a family. I wanted to be married and happy.
Now and then I’d meet a woman through friends and think, this is my
chance. Sometimes I even got a date. But usually things fell apart quickly.
In fact, the more I was into her, the quicker things seemed to fall apart.
I decided I would just wait it out. I would focus on music and other
passions rather than trying to meet women. After all, I reasoned, there
was nothing much I could do about it. I would meet that perfect per-
son one day. It will happen, the world assured me. You don’t need to
do anything but what you’re doing. Don’t focus on women, because it
will just push them away. The stars will align one day and everything
will work out.
So I kept doing what I was doing. And the years passed.
I turned 28, 29, 30, 31...
At a certain point I realized that things weren’t going to “just happen.”
I could go on indefinitely like this and not find that person.
· 2 · she’s six steps AwAy
And even if I did meet her by chance, I suspected I wouldn’t be com-
fortable around someone I was deeply attracted to. I would do some-
thing to screw it up.
Finally, at 33, I took a weekend workshop to learn how to meet women.
The instructor taught us the mechanics of meeting women in public.
He taught us what to say, the best way to act, how to be fun and flirta-
tious, and how to give women compliments. And that weekend, with
a coach by my side, I was able to have conversations with a few of
those attractive women who had been out of my reach.
After the workshop I felt energized and excited. I felt like I had new
skills and that nothing could stop me.
But on this Monday afternoon in Bryant Park, things do not go as I
hoped. All those paralyzing feelings come back in full force. Uncer-
tainty floods my mind as I glance from table to table. The people I see
eating and relaxing on this sunny day have become obstacles. I can feel
my chest tighten and my heart racing.
That woman is alone. No, she’s not my type. What about her? No, she’s
with her friend. Okay, what about her? No.
I finally see a woman sitting alone at a table reading a paper. She has
red hair, square glasses, and a black and gray striped skirt.
The first thought that runs through my mind: that woman is way too
hot for me.
I walk past her table and then turn around. There are about ten people
in earshot.
My mind runs through every single thing that could happen—what I
could say, what she might say back.
intro · my story · 3 ·
What if I get rejected? What if someone from work sees me get rejected? Isn’t
it weird to just walk up and start talking to a woman I don’t know? I’m
not dressed right. She’ll just get annoyed. I shouldn’t interrupt what she’s
doing. I’ll do this tomorrow.
No, I promise myself, today is the day. I start to feel sick to my stomach.
I can’t do it! There’s no way I’ll be able to get a good reaction from her. I
can’t flirt and banter when I’m this nervous. I won’t even be able to give
her a sincere compliment.
Since my newfound skills are failing me, I decide to do the easiest thing
I can think of—just walk over and tell her I’d like to talk with her.
If she rejects me, she rejects me. I’m going to just do it.
All I have to do is say the words. That’s it. Just throw them out there. I don’t
have to care what happens after that. I can turn around and leave at any
point. All I’ll do is say the words.
It’s now or never.
I start to move my feet in her direction. My legs shake as I walk up to
her table.
“Hi,” I say.
She looks up at me.
“I was … just walking by and … I wanted to say hi.”
I can hear the nervousness in my voice.
“My name’s Eric.”
I extend my hand.
· 4 · she’s six steps AwAy
She looks surprised for a moment, then introduces herself. We shake
hands.
I ask if I can sit down.
She says yes.
I slide down into the chair at the table.
Words start to come out of my mouth. Every nerve in my body is
tingling.
The conversation is short, plain, and simple. Some might even say boring.
I don’t get a date with her. I don’t get her phone number. I barely make
her laugh.
But none of that matters.
When I get up and walk away, something is different. Today, I got into
a conversation with a woman.
If any of the busy professionals bothered to look up from their lunch-
es, they would have seen something unmistakable on my face.
A smile.
I’m beaming because I did something that I had been unable to do for
years. I walked over to a woman I didn’t know and opened my mouth.
This is the beginning for me.
***
Five years later, I’m standing on a subway platform when the train
pulls up. It’s a hot Saturday afternoon in July.
intro · my story · 5 ·
I step into the subway car. The air-conditioning is a welcome respite
from the oppressive summer heat.
Life is different for me now. I’ve met countless people. I’ve had many
flings and hookups. I’ve been in wonderful relationships with gor-
geous women. I’ve had tons of crazy adventures—adventures I’d never
thought possible. Almost everything I’ve dreamed of has come true
for me.
Yet, despite my successes with women, I still face many challenges and
frustrations. Self-doubt and uncertainty plague me from time to time.
Just like any guy who’s putting himself out there, I experience hurt,
loss, and heartbreak in all their splendor.
But the most important thing that’s changed is that I can live my life
the way I want to live it. If I want to walk across a room at a social event
and talk with a woman, I can. Inhibition is no longer a millstone around
my neck. For me, meeting women is now part of an everyday process.
And I’ve gotten really good at it.
As I step onto the subway train, I see an open seat and take it. Almost
immediately, I notice her. She’s standing at the other side of the train.
I can see her only from the back, but she’s wearing tight shorts and
what I can see suggests she looks amazing. She turns a bit. Wow, she’s
really cute—even cuter from the front. She’s wearing huge headphones
that are covering her ears.
Every other guy on the train notices her, too. They’re stealing glances.
This is the first woman today who’s caught my interest. Her back is
fully covered with a snake tattoo.
I start to feel my heart beating in my chest and my breath getting
caught in my throat.
· 6 · she’s six steps AwAy
I get up and walk over to a subway map. I stop and look at it briefly,
then continue walking toward her. I get myself situated in her vicinity.
I look around the subway car for a few moments. And then, casually, I
tap her on the shoulder. She pulls off her headphones and turns to me.
“I like your tattoo,” I say.
She immediately smiles. “Thanks,” she says.
“One of my friends,” I continue, “has been getting a tattoo over
her entire back. It’s been taking her a while.”
“I started mine before the summer,” she says, “but I’m going to
finish it afterward. You’re not supposed to go into the sun for
two weeks right after it’s done.”
I laugh. “I guess you were like, ‘To hell with that, I’m not staying
inside all summer!’ ”
“Yeah, totally,” she says, laughing.
“What inspired your tattoo?” I ask her.
She starts to tell me about how her father has a thing for snakes, how
they remind him of those Asian dragons. Pretty soon the interaction
is off and running.
Every guy on the train is looking at me in shock, as if they are refusing
to believe that someone could just walk up to a beautiful woman and
start talking with her.
I know how they feel. I used to be one of those guys.
intro · my story · 7 ·