Sexual Healing: The Complete Guide to Overcoming Common Sexual Problems

404 Pages·2006·4.45 MB·English

by  Barbara Keesling Ph.D.

This page intentionally left blank
sxh3 text on PC Q6.qxp 12/23/2005 2:52 PM Page i
(cid:1)
Sexual Healing
BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.,has more than twenty years’ experience as a
sex therapist and surrogate partner. She has a doctorate in health psychol-
ogy, teaches Human Sexuality at California State University, Fullerton, and
maintains a private sexual therapy practice. Her experiences working skin-
on-skin with hundreds of clients, together with her academic and teaching
work, make her uniquely qualified in the fields of human sexuality and
sexual pleasure.
Dr. Keesling is the author of many popular sexuality titles that have
sold over a million copies worldwide. They include Sexual Pleasure, Sexual
Healing, Making Love Better than Ever, How to Make Love All Night (and
Drive a Woman Wild), andThe Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex.
Dr. Keesling has appeared on numerous television and radio shows,
including Geraldo, Montel,and “Howard Stern.” Due to the high quality of
the information in her books and her credentials as a human sexuality
expert she is also frequently interviewed for Playboy, Men’s Health,
Psychology Today, Redbook, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, andMarie Claire.
Reviews for SEXUAL PLEASURE
“Finally, here is a look at the overwhelmingly positive effects of sexual
expression in our lives, including increased self-esteem, feelings of per-
sonal fulfillment, and sexual ecstasy. Simplify your sex life and breathe
some life back into that divinely sensual body.” — WHOLE LIFE TIMES
“For anyone who wishes to increase [the] ability to experience sensual
pleasure.” — YOGA JOURNAL
“The real beauty of this book lies in the fact that it treats physical pleasure
and intimacy as inseparable, mutually heightening ways to experience
sexuality and to bond with your partner.” — THE LAUNCH PAD
sxh3 text on PC Q6.qxp 12/23/2005 2:52 PM Page ii
(cid:1)
This book is dedicated to my clients.
Ordering
Trade bookstores in the U.S. and Canada please contact:
Publishers Group West
1700 Fourth Street, Berkeley CA 94710
Phone: [phone] Fax: [phone]
Hunter House books are available at bulk discounts for textbook course
adoptions; to qualifying community, health-care, and government organizations;
and for special promotions and fund-raising. For details please contact:
Special Sales Department
Hunter House Inc., PO Box 2914, Alameda CA 94501-0914
Phone: [phone] Fax: [phone]
E-mail: [email protected]
Individuals can order our books from most bookstores, by calling
((880000)) 226666--55559922, or from our website at wwwwww..hhuunntteerrhhoouussee..ccoomm
Project Credits
Cover Design: Brian Dittmar Graphic Design
Book Production: Hunter House
Copy Editor: Kelley Blewster
Proofreader: John David Marion
Indexer: Nancy D. Peterson
Acquisitions Editor: Jeanne Brondino
Editor: Alexandra Mummery
Publicist: Jillian Steinberger
Customer Service Manager: Christina Sverdrup
Order Fulfillment: Washul Lakdhon
Administrator: Theresa Nelson
Computer Support: Peter Eichelberger
Publisher: Kiran S. Rana
sxh3 text on PC Q6.qxp 12/23/2005 2:52 PM Page iii
Sexual
Healing
The Completest Guide to
Overcoming Common Sexual Problems
third edition
Barbara Keesling, Ph.D.
sxh3 text on PC Q6.qxp 12/23/2005 2:52 PM Page iv
Copyright © 2006, 1996, 1990 by Barbara Keesling
All rights reserved.No part of this publication may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying and recording, or introduced into any information storage and
retrieval system without the written permission of the copyright owner and the
publisher of this book. Brief quotations may be used in reviews prepared for
inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or for broadcast. For further information
please contact:
Hunter House Inc., Publishers
PO Box 2914
Alameda CA 94501-0914
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Keesling, Barbara.
Sexual healing : the completest guide to overcoming common sexual
problems / Barbara Keesling.— 3rd ed.
p. cm.
Rev. ed. of: Sexual healing : how good loving is good for you—and your
relationship.
Summary: “A guide to every known sexual problem and all possible
treatments, both new and experimental, with over 125 exercises to heal specific
problems as well as maintain an intimate bond in relationships”—Provided by
publisher.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN-13: 978-0-89793-465-7 (pbk.)
ISBN-10: 0-89793-465-2 (pbk.)
1. Sex (Psychology)—Health aspects. 2. Intimacy (Psychology)—
Health aspects. 3. Sex instruction. I. Title.
RA788.K38 2005
613.9’6—dc22 2005013713
Manufactured in Canada by Transcontinental Printing
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Third Edition 06 07 08 09 10
sxh3 text on PC Q6.qxp 12/23/2005 2:52 PM Page v
Contents
(cid:1)
Introduction 1
The Evolution of Sexual Healing
Who Can Benefit from Sexual Healing?
How This Book Is Organized
Embarking on the Sexual Healing Journey: How to Use This Book
No Special Equipment Required
The Healing Mindset
A Word about Safe Sex
Part I: The Basics of Sexual Healing
Chapter 1: Sex Problems 8
Types of Sexual Dysfunction
The Role of Anxiety
A Brief History of the Treatment of Sexual Problems
Where This Book Fits In
What Happens in Sex Therapy?
How Surrogate Partners Heal
What You Can Learn from My Experience as a Surrogate Partner
Chapter 2: Sex 101 19
Male Sexual Anatomy and Physiology
Female Sexual Anatomy and Physiology
Intersex Conditions
The Sexual Response Cycle
Chapter 3: Dealing with Anxiety 29
The Physiology of Anxiety
How Sensate-Focus Exercises Help to Reduce Anxiety
Performance Anxiety
Spectatoring
Pressuring Your Partner
Chapter 4: Sexual Positions 38
Male-Superior Positions
Female-Superior Positions
Side-to-Side Positions
Rear-Entry Positions
v
sxh3 text on PC Q6.qxp 12/23/2005 2:52 PM Page vi
vi SEXUAL HEALING
Part II: Sexual Problems
Chapter 5: Low Sexual Desire 44
What’s Normal?
Changes in Thinking about Sexual Desire
Causes of Low Sexual Desire in Women
Causes of Low Sexual Desire in Men
Causes of Low Sexual Desire in Both Men and Women
Differences Between Men’s and Women’s Sexual Desire
Measuring Sexual Desire
Asexuality
The Relationship of Low Sexual Desire to Other Sexual Problems
Chapter 6: Sexual Aversion Disorder 57
What’s Normal?
Types of Anxiety
Causes of Sexual Aversion Disorder
Chapter 7: Erection Problems 65
What’s Normal?
Levels of Erection
Forms of Erection Problems
Physical Causes of Erection Problems
Psychological Causes of Erection Problems
Chapter 8: Female Sexual Arousal Disorder 74
What’s Normal?
Patterns of Female Sexual Arousal Disorder
Physical Causes of Arousal Problems
Psychological Causes of Women’s Arousal Problems
Chapter 9: Premature Ejaculation 80
What’s Normal?
Causes of Premature Ejaculation
Chapter 10: Male Orgasm Disorder 85
Patterns of Male Orgasm Disorder
What’s Normal?
Physical Causes of Ejaculation Difficulties
Psychological and Behavioral Causes of Male Orgasm Disorder
Treatment Outlook
Chapter 11: Female Orgasm Disorder 93
What’s Normal?
Types of Female Orgasm Disorder
sxh3 text on PC Q6.qxp 12/23/2005 2:52 PM Page vii
Contents vii
Physical Causes of Female Orgasm Disorder
Psychological Barriers to Orgasm
An Alternative View of Female Sexual Problems
Chapter 12: Vaginismus 101
What’s Normal?
Types of Vaginismus
Symptoms and Causes of Vaginismus
Treatment Outlook
Chapter 13: Dyspareunia 106
Patterns of Dyspareunia
What’s Normal?
Physical Causes of Sexual Pain in Men
Physical Causes of Sexual Pain in Women
Vulvar Vestibulitis
Symptoms of Sexual Pain in Women
Physical or Psychological Pain?
Psychological Issues Related to Dyspareunia
Part III: Beginning Sexual Healing
Chapter 14: The Healing Touch 118
Touch Is Vital
The Nonverbal Power of Touch
The Healing Powers of Touch
Sensate Focus: The Touch that Heals
The Healing Mindset
Chapter 15: How to Do Sensate-Focus Exercises 127
Trust
Feedback after the Exercises
Setting a Schedule
Multiple Problems
Chapter 16: Relaxation 135
Chapter 17: Sexual Fitness 138
General Fitness
Nutrition
Drugs
Sex-Muscle Exercises
Chapter 18: Self-Touch 146
Developing Arousal Awareness
Nontouching Suggestions to Promote Sexual Healing
sxh3 text on PC Q6.qxp 12/23/2005 2:52 PM Page viii
viii SEXUAL HEALING
Chapter 19: Basic Partner Exercises: Spoon Breathing and
the Face Caress 155
Feedback
Chapter 20: Basic Partner Exercises: The Back Caress 163
Chapter 21: Basic Partner Exercises: The Front Caress 168
Chapter 22: Basic Partner Exercises: The Genital Caress
and Oral Sex 173
The Genital Caress
Oral Sex
Part IV: Healing Specific Sexual Problems
Chapter 23: Healing Premature Ejaculation 182
Outdated Treatments for Premature Ejaculation
Sensate-Focus Exercises for Premature Ejaculation
Peaking with Intercourse
Chapter 24: Healing Erection Problems 204
Could Your Erection Problems Be Physical?
Maintaining Erections
Physical, Behavioral, and Psychological Issues in Erection Problems
Medical Solutions for Erection Problems
Chapter 25: Healing Male Orgasm Disorder 228
Behavioral Changes: A Summary
The Role of Intimacy
The Role of Masturbation
More Behavioral Strategies for Changing Masturbation Habits
A Choice of Approaches for Healing Inhibited Ejaculation
The Importance of Peaking
Intercourse and Masturbation Together
Shaping for Inhibited Ejaculation
Some Final Suggestions
Chapter 26: Healing Female Sexual Arousal Disorder 244
Physical Arousal
Peaking
Using Erotica
Vibrators
Lubricants
Medical Solutions