Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred

729 Pages·1997·1.73 MB·English

by  Ph.D.

Sexual Anorexia : Overcoming Sexual Self-
title:
hatred
author: Carnes, Patrick.; Moriarity, Joseph.
publisher: Hazelden Publishing
isbn10 | asin: 1568381441
print isbn13: 9781568381442
ebook isbn13: 9780585318653
language: English
subject Sexual aversion disorders.
publication date: 1997
lcc: RC560.S45C37 1997eb
ddc: 616.85/83
subject: Sexual aversion disorders.
Page i
Sexual Anorexia
Page ii
"In Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred, Patrick Carnes
explores more of the continuum of human sexual dysfunction. With
all the moral injunctions about sex that most of us received during
childhood, it is difficult to see a lack of, or even revulsion of, sexual
desire as a serious problem. In comparing these areas of difficulty
with the anorexic and bulimic eating disorders, Carnes masterfully
presents an easily understood structure of the disease process and a
recovery regime that offers real hope for comfort in relationships."
Pia Mellody, R.N., addictions and codependence consultant, author of
Facing Codependence, Breaking Free, and Facing Love Addiction
"A valuable resource for men and women who have been afraid and
confused about sex. Patrick Carnes has made another remarkable
contribution that fosters sexual recovery and sexual healing. Using his
trademark blend of wisdom, practical strategies, and personal stories,
Carnes takes readers through a step-by-step program to discover the
meaning and joys of healthy sexual intimacy."
Wendy Maltz, M.S.W., sex therapist, author of The Sexual Healing
Journey and co-author of In the Garden of Desire
Page iii
Sexual Anorexia
Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred
Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.
with Joseph M. Moriarity
Page iv
Hazelden
Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176
1-800-328-0094 (Toll Free U.S., Canada, and the Virgin Islands)
1-651-257-1331 (24-hour Fax)
http://www.hazelden.org (World Wide Web site on Internet)
©1997 by Patrick Carnes. Printed in the United States of America. No
portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without
the written permission of the publisher
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Carnes, Patrick
Sexual anorexia: overcoming sexual self-hatred/Patrick Carnes.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 1-56838-144-1
1. Sexual aversion disorders. I. Title.
RC560.S45C37 1997 97-12610
616.85'83dc21 CIP
00 99 654
Book design by Nora Koch/Gravel Pit Publications
Cover design by David Spohn
Typesetting by Nora Koch/Gravel Pit Publications
Editor's note
Hazelden offers a variety of information on chemical dependency and
related areas. Our publications do not necessarily represent Hazelden's
programs, nor do they officially speak for any Twelve Step
organization.
All the stories in this book are based on actual experiences. The
names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the
people involved. In some cases, composites have been created.
The Twelve Steps are reprinted with permission of Alcoholics
Anonymous World Services, Inc. Permission to reprint and adapt the
Twelve Steps does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the
contents of this publication, nor that AA agrees with the views
expressed herein. AA is a program of recovery from alcoholism
onlyuse of the Twelve Steps in connection with programs and
activities which are patterned after AA, but which address other
problems, or in any other non-AA context, does not imply otherwise.
Page v
This book is dedicated to the couples who participate in
Recovering Couples Anonymous.
Page vii
CONTENTS
List of Illustrations viii
Preface ix
Acknowledgments xii
Introduction 1
Part I
Chapter 1: Sex as Fundamental 9
Chapter 2: Sex as Deprivation 37
Chapter 3: Sex as Extreme 55
Chapter 4: Sex as Healing 75
Chapter 5: Sex as Health 89
Part II
Chapter 6: Nurturing 103
Chapter 7: Sensuality 135
Chapter 8: Self-Image 159
Chapter 9: Self-Definition 177
Chapter 10: Sexual Comfort 195
Chapter 11: Knowledge 217
Chapter 12: Relationships 249
Chapter 13: Partners 271
Chapter 14: Nongenital Sex 305
Chapter 15: Genital Sex 321
Chapter 16: Spirituality 335
Chapter 17: Passion 349
Appendix A: The Twelve Dimensions, Strategies, and 367
Principles of Healthy Sexuality
Appendix B:
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous 375
The Twelve Steps of Sex Addicts Anonymous 376
The Twelve Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous 377
The Twelve Steps of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous 378
The Twelve Suggested Steps of Sexual Compulsives 379
Anonymous
Notes 381
Recommended Resources 387
Index 391
About the Author 401
Page viii
ILLUSTRATIONS
Figures
1.1 The Sexual Curve 16
2.1 The Interior World of the Sexual Anorexic 48
2.2 Anorexia Cycle 49
2.3 The Sexual Anorexic System 51
2.4 Sexual Anorexia and Sexual Addiction Compared 53
3.1 Shame Cycle 57
3.2 Core Beliefs for Three Obessional States of Mind 72
5.1 The Paradigm Shift 92
6.1 Examples of Nurturing 104
6.2 The Core Beliefs and the Sexual Anorexic-Sexual 107
Addiction Cycle
6.3 Continuum of Behaviors 109
6.4 Addictive Sexuality and Healthy Sexuality 123
11.1 A Sample Sexual Response Cycle 222
11.2 Preparation of New Sexual Imagery 230
17.1 Seven Levels of Feeling 353