Sex and the office: women, men, and the sex partition that's dividing the workplace

251 Pages·2015·2.591 MB·English

by  Elsesser, Kim

SEX AND
THE OFFICE
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SEX AND
THE OFFICE
Women, Men, and
the Sex Partition
That’s Dividing
the Workplace
Kim Elsesser
TAYLOR TRADE PUBLISHING
Lanham • Boulder • New York • London
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Published by Taylor Trade Publishing
An imprint of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.
4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706
www.rowman.com
Unit A, Whitacre Mews, 26-34 Stannary Street, London SE11 4AB, United Kingdom
Distributed by NATIONAL BOOK NETWORK
Copyright © 2015 by Kim Elsesser
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any
electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems,
without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote
passages in a review.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Information Available
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Elsesser, Kim.
Sex and the office : women, men, and the sex partition that’s dividing the workplace /
Kim Elsesser.
pages cm
Summary: “In Sex and the Office, Kim Elsesser delves into how issues as varied as
sexual harassment, workplace romance, spousal jealousy, and communication styles
create barriers between men and women at work. These invisible barriers, which
Elsesser labels the “sex partition,” tend to have the greatest impact on the careers of
women, because men typically still dominate senior management, and connections with
senior managers are essential for career advancement. Elsesser describes how senior male
employees prefer to stick with other men, especially when it comes to dinners, drinks,
late-night meetings, or business trips. When it’s time for promotions or pay raises, these
same executives are more likely to show preference to the employees with whom they feel
most comfortable—other men. Elsesser doesn’t blame men for the sex partition; instead,
she describes how some common organizational practices create barriers between the
sexes. She offers practical advice on how to break down the sex partition and reveals the
best strategies for networking with the opposite sex. Sex and the Office is sure to spark
new dialogue on the sources of the gender gap at work. “—Provided by publisher.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-4930-0794-3 (hardback) — ISBN 978-1-63076-121-9 (electronic) 1.
Women—Employment. 2. Sex role in the work environment. 3. Sexual harassment.
4. Interpersonal relations. 5. Business networks. 6. Career development. I. Title.
HD6060.E44 2015
302.3'5—dc23
2015006762
™
The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of
American National Standard for Information Sciences—Permanence of Paper
for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.
Printed in the United States of America
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For Bradley
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CONTENTS
PREFACE ix
Part I What Is the Sex Partition?
1 The Sex Partition and How It Impacts You 3
Part II Does Heightened Awareness of Sexual Harassment
Create a Sex Partition?
2 Friendliness vs. Sexual Harassment: Where’s the Line? 13
3 Fear of Sexual Harassment Charges = Fear of Women 21
4 Does Sexual Harassment Training Imply Women
Are Weak? 39
5 Sexual Harassment Training: More Repercussions 45
6 Sexually Harassed 61
Part III Sex, Romance, and Golf: More Elements of the
Sex Partition
7 The Business Trip 71
8 Workplace Romance 83
9 Jealousy, Marriage, and Affairs 99
vii
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SEX AND THE OFFICE
10 Romantic and Sexual Attraction 107
11 Birds of a Feather 119
12 More Partitions: Same-Sex Friendships, Age,
Race, and Sexual Orientation 133
Part IV Breaking Down the Sex Partition: What You and
Your Organization Can Do
13 Bringing Employees Together 145
14 Expanding Your Own Network 153
15 Making Friends in High Places 159
16 Let’s Be Perfectly Clear: Navigating Sexual or
Romantic Interest at Work 169
17 Revising Sexual Harassment Training 179
18 Starting a Dialogue about the Sex Partition 189
APPENDIX A: DETAILS OF STUDY OF
SEXUAL HARASSMENT
TRAINING AND PERCEPTIONS
OF FEMALE FRIENDS 195
APPENDIX B: DETAILS OF STUDY OF
CROSS-SEX COWORKERS
ON A BUSINESS TRIP 199
NOTES 201
REFERENCES 213
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 227
INDEX 229
ABOUT THE AUTHOR 237
viii
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PREFACE
While attending college at Vassar, I was inspired by the tradition of em-
powering women and education in a female-dominated environment.
After Vassar, I headed to graduate school at MIT to study business and opera-
tions research (a field that applies advanced math to study decisions made by
organizations). When I started at MIT, I recall being told that only 19 percent
of the graduate students were women.
Coming from Vassar, MIT offered quite a culture shock. Rumor had it that
a few MIT professors still thought that admitting women to MIT was a mistake,
and that female students were too much of a distraction for the male students. I
didn’t think there could be a less female-friendly environment than MIT, until I
landed a job on the trading floor at Morgan Stanley. There, a senior trader and
I launched a quantitative proprietary trading group, which became one of the
most successful in the company’s history.
Female traders were almost nonexistent at the time. There were plenty of
women on the trading floor, but they were mostly employed as assistants to
the traders and salespeople. Occasionally mistaken for an assistant, I was asked
to get coffee and order lunch by those who didn’t know my role, and my male
subordinates were occasionally forced to explain that I was their boss and not
their assistant.
During my tenure in trading, I strived to understand why there were so few
women at senior levels of management. After all, it wasn’t so bad on the trading
floor. That’s not to say I completely fit in either. For example, my male anat-
omy, or lack thereof, came up in conversation with surprising frequency. Did I
have the balls to do that trade? Was my dick big enough? Or, more frequently,
ix
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