Self-Therapy, Vol. 3: A Step-by-Step Guide to Using IFS for Eating Issues, Procrastination, the Inner Critic, Depression, Perfectionism, Anger, Communication, and More

223 Pages·2016·4.33 MB·English

by  Jay Earley

SelfTherapy, Vol. 3
A Step-by-Step Guide to Using IFS for
Eating Issues, Procrastination, the Inner
Critic, Depression, Perfectionism, Anger,
Communication, and More Jay Earley,

PhD

SelfTherapy, Vol. 3: A Step-by-Step Guide to Using IFS for Eating Issues,
Procrastination, the Inner Critic, Depression, Perfectionism, Anger,
Communication, and More
Copyright © 2016 by Jay Earley. All rights reserved.
Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the
copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
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Acknowledgments

I am deeply grateful to Dick Schwartz for creating such a brilliant
method of therapy and working so hard to spread this knowledge throughout the
world. IFS has changed my life and the lives of so many of my clients and
students.
I appreciate the participants in my Advanced IFS Classes for helping me
deepen my understanding of this material as I taught it to them.
I received very helpful feedback that improved this book from Ariane
Korth, Julia Sullivan, Karen Locke, Ingemar Fransson, Landon Hall, Lisa Giles,
Esther Michelson, and Katrin Kirojood.
Kira Freed has done a thorough job of editing and proofreading the entire
work and laying out the book’s interior, including producing graphics for the
book. Robert Henry converted it to the Kindle format. Jeannene Chase
Langford’s creative eye is always available for striking book cover design. My
virtual assistant, Mary Jane Stern, has been continually in the background
helping with innumerable tasks. The cool illustrations were done by Karen
Donnelly.
Contents

Introduction
Chapter 1. Your Inner Critic
Chapter 2. Procrastination
Chapter 3. Eating Issues with Bonnie Weiss, LCSW
Chapter 4. Perfectionism
Chapter 5. Depression
Chapter 6. Anger and Disowned Anger
Chapter 7. The Passive-Aggressive Pattern
Chapter 8. Conflicts in Love Relationships
Chapter 9. IFS and Skillful Communication
Chapter 10. Conclusion
Appendix A. Help Sheet from SelfTherapy
Appendix B. Definitions of Terms
Appendix C. Introduction to the Pattern System
Appendix D. Resources
Introduction

If you are familiar with the basic concepts of IFS and want to learn how
to apply it to some common psychological issues, this book is for you. My first
IFS book, SelfTherapy, is a basic manual for IFS (Internal Family Systems
Therapy). It has helped countless people resolve and heal from troubling
psychological issues, as I have discovered from the many emails I receive from
people all over the world telling me what a difference the book (and IFS) has
made in their lives.
SelfTherapy teaches you how to work on yourself using IFS and how to
do IFS peer counseling with a friend. It also gives therapists a thorough
grounding in the basics of IFS and how to use it effectively with their clients.

IFS is a powerful form of individual therapy developed by Richard
Schwartz, PhD, that has been spreading rapidly around the United States and the
world, especially since 2005. It is user-friendly, spiritually oriented, and very
effective in working with trauma as well as a wide variety of other psychological
issues. IFS has been declared an evidence-based practice by the federal agency
that is in charge of such designations. This means that it has been shown to be
effective by peer-reviewed research.
Richard Schwartz is the founder of the Center for SelfLeadership, which
offers professional trainings in IFS. See www.selfleadership.org for information
about these trainings and other aspects of IFS.

Since SelfTherapy only covers the basics of IFS, I am publishing a series
of sequels that include intermediate and advanced techniques and insights.
SelfTherapy, Vol. 2 (2016) describes advanced techniques for working with
protectors. This book, SelfTherapy, Vol. 3, shows how to apply IFS to a variety
of common psychological issues. I have chosen to include psychological issue in
this book that (1) many people struggle with, (2) I have studied in some detail,
and (3) have some complexity to them, so you will benefit from learning
specialized ways of applying IFS to them. More volumes will follow.
Chapter 1 discusses how to work with Inner Critic parts. Chapter 2 deals
with procrastination. Chapter 3 covers eating issues and food addiction. Chapters
4 and 5 deal with perfectionism and depression. Chapter 6 discusses how to
work with anger and disowned anger using IFS. Chapter 7 shows how to
recognize and work with the Passive-Aggressive Pattern. Chapters 8 and 9 deal
with conflicts in love relationships; Chapter 8 shows how to understand the
sequences of protectors and exiles that get triggered in an argument, and Chapter
9 explains how to communicate in a skillful manner during a conflict using IFS.

How to Use This Book
SelfTherapy, Vol. 3 will be useful to both professionals and the general
public. In order to reach both audiences, I have taken the following approach.
The book is written for the nonprofessional who wants to work on him-or herself
using IFS. This material is also useful to therapists who want to use IFS with
their clients. In addition, I have added comments that are directed specifically to
therapists in sidebars titled Therapist Note.
Since this book is a sequel to SelfTherapy, it assumes that you have either
read SelfTherapy or you have learned the basic IFS material in another way,
perhaps by taking the IFS Level 1 professional training. Therefore, this book
doesn’t present the basics of IFS. To refresh your understanding of IFS before
reading this book, review the Help Sheet in Appendix A or review SelfTherapy.
You don’t need to have read SelfTherapy, Vol. 2 in order to understand
this book. There are a few discussions in this book that you will understand
better if you are familiar with Vol. 2, but not many.
Experiential exercises throughout this book help you practice the IFS
techniques that you are learning. I recommend that you do them, preferably with
a friend, so the concepts in this book become grounded in your lived experience.
In this book, I use the Pattern System to show the relationships between
types of parts. The Pattern System is a systematic, comprehensive way of
understanding personality (see Appendix C).
Chapter 1
Your Inner Critic

Inner Critic protectors are some of the most common and difficult parts
that we have to deal with, and IFS can be used to transform Inner Critics
successfully. In fact, the IFS approach to the Inner Critic is more effective than
any other approach I know. However, there are some complex issues to
understand in working with Inner Critics successfully.

When you feel ashamed, hopeless, inadequate, or just plain awful about
yourself, it’s usually because an Inner Critic part is attacking you. Inner Critics
do this in a variety of ways, but most commonly they pummel you with negative
messages about your self-worth. They may criticize your looks, your work
habits, your intelligence, the way you care for others, or any number of other
things.
They may:

• evaluate and judge your feelings and behavior and sometimes your core
self

• tell you what you should and shouldn’t do

• criticize you for not meeting their expectations or the expectations of
people who are important to you

• doubt you and tell you that you can’t be successful

• shame you for who you are

• make you feel guilty about things you have done

Most people have a number of self-judging Inner Critic parts. For
example, you might have one Critic that attacks you for how you overeat and
how much you weigh, and another Critic that tells you that you’re lazy and
should be working harder.

The Seven Types of Inner Critics
I have identified seven specific types of Critics:

• The Perfectionist

• The Inner Controller

• The Taskmaster

• The Underminer

• The Destroyer

• The Guilt Tripper

• The Conformist

Each type of Critic has a different motivation and strategy, so identifying which
Critics are affecting you can be quite useful. Let’s look at each of the seven
types of Critics.

The Perfectionist
The Perfectionist tries to get you to do everything perfectly. It has very
high standards for behavior, performance, production, and appearance. When
you don’t meet its standards, the Perfectionist attacks you by saying that your