Self-Esteem For Dummies

415 Pages·2015·2.24 MB·English

by  S. Renee Smith

Self-Esteem For Dummies®
Published by: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ
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Copyright © 2015 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey
Published simultaneously in Canada
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Library of Congress Control Number: 2014948541
ISBN 978-1-11896709-6 (pbk); ISBN 978-1-118-96710-2 (ebk); ISBN 978-
1-118-96711-9 (ebk)
Manufactured in the United States of America
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SelfEsteem For Dummies®
Visit www.dummies.com/cheatsheet/selfesteem to view
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Table of Contents
Introduction
About This Book
Foolish Assumptions
Icons Used in This Book
Beyond the Book
Where to Go From Here
Part I: The Lowdown on SelfEsteem
Chapter 1: The Nature of SelfEsteem
Defining SelfEsteem
Understanding the Foundations of SelfEsteem
Healthy SelfEsteem versus Low SelfEsteem
Taking care of yourself
Looking at positive and negative self-talk
Discarding unsuccessful strategies for improvement
Considering whether you can have too much selfesteem
Enhancing Your Self-Awareness
Designing and Attaining Your Goals
Creating Healthy Relationships
Being Successful at Work
Cultivating SelfEsteem in Others
Chapter 2: Understanding the Impacts of Low SelfEsteem
Discovering the Consequences of Low SelfEsteem
Recognizing what happens when you feel insignificant
Exploring the negative impacts of low selfesteem
Becoming Aware of the Consequences of Doing Nothing
Continuing the feelings of fear and shame
Going into guilt and depression
Maintaining social phobias
Not addressing body image problems
Having poor relationships
Having low self-confidence
Staying stuck at work
Relying on alcohol or drugs
Chapter 3: Where Does Low SelfEsteem Come From?
Understanding How SelfEsteem is Nurtured and Damaged
Considering family impacts
Looking at the influence of your peers
Recognizing how society affected your selfesteem
Examining the Truth of Your Core Beliefs
Identifying common negative core beliefs
Becoming aware of your core beliefs by listening to your inner voice
Tuning into your resulting automatic thoughts
For females: Paying attention to familiar core beliefs
For males: Looking at customary core beliefs
Realizing how your core beliefs create your life
Learning from Past Adversity
Facing and overcoming difficulties
Developing empathy for yourself and others
Trusting your ability to handle problems
Chapter 4: Measuring Your SelfEsteem
Identifying the Indicators of SelfEsteem
Considering Your Life As It Is Now
Creating a Personal Profile
Seeing your strengths
Seeing your weaknesses
Making a Commitment to Transform
Developing the Power to Make Changes
Recognizing that you need to change
Imagining being different
Taking action
Maintaining your new identity
Part II: Expressing a Positive Attitude
Chapter 5: Affirming and Visualizing Your Better Self
Benefiting from Repeating Positive Affirmations
Understanding why affirmations are effective
Reviewing common affirmations
Discovering the tricks of writing your own affirmations
Visualizing Your Growth
Discovering how visualization works
Getting the most out of your visualizations
Finding Your Passion Within
Chapter 6: Nurturing Yourself to Create Happiness
Taking Care of Your Body
Eating healthy foods
Getting enough exercise
Sleeping deeply
Focusing on Positive Emotions
Acting to increase uplifting emotions
Taking control of a bad mood
Fostering a Healthy Mind
Talking to yourself the way a loving parent or best friend would
Finding positive meaning to events
Making Assertive “I” Statements
Disclosing your opinions, wants, and needs
Saying no to others’ requests
Requesting cooperation or support
Confronting a person when there’s a problem
Dealing with aggressive people
Using body language to complement your assertive speech
Chapter 7: Creating a Healthy Body Image
Pinning Down What Body Image Means
The way you see yourself
The way you feel about your body
The thoughts you have about your body
The things you do as a result of your body image
Analyzing How Body Image Is Formed in Your Youth
Examining How Businesses Convince You to Buy Their Products
Evaluating Whether You Judge Yourself Accurately
Reconnecting with Your Body
Stopping the comparisons with others
Eliminating concentrating on a negative body image
Focusing on what you like about the way you look
Making the best of your good features
Promoting a healthy and happy lifestyle
Giving Yourself Credit for Your Entire Personality
Part III: Changing Your Negative Thoughts and Coming to Grips with Being
a Perfectionist
Chapter 8: Dealing with Your Negative Self-Talk
Understanding How Self-Talk Can Become Harmful
Challenging the Many Ways You Talk to Yourself
Using mind-reading to create an unhappy story
Predicting a negative outcome is inevitable
Overgeneralizing about things that happen to you
Labeling yourself in a derogatory fashion
Blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault
Focusing on the negative and discounting the positive
Overcoming the Problem of Using “Shoulds”
Recognizing the “shoulds” that make sense
Carrying around learned behaviors
Freeing yourself from your “shoulds”
Harnessing Your Power to Change Your Thinking
Identifying all of your positive qualities
Asking yourself whether your thoughts are reasonable
Detaching from your negative self-talk
Being compassionate with yourself
Chapter 9: Analyzing Perfectionism
Uncovering the Characteristics of Perfectionism
Feeling deeply upset if you make any mistakes
Thinking you’re stupid if you perform imperfectly
Rarely letting others help with your projects
Waiting to do things at the last minute — or maybe not at all
Being defensive if others criticize you
Handling relationships poorly
Becoming Aware of How Perfectionism Begins
Hearing criticism often
Having things done for you
Being compared to another child
Getting little attention or affection
Chapter 10: Dealing Positively with Perfectionism
Being a High Achiever Instead of Being Perfect
Recognizing the Positive Qualities of Doing the Best You Can
Letting Go of Impractical Expectations
Increasing Your Flexibility
Being more flexible at work
Being flexible in your relationships
Retraining Your Perfectionist Tendencies
How you think
How you feel
How you act
Part IV: Growing Your SelfEsteem
Chapter 11: Increasing Your Confidence through Self-Awareness
Getting to Know You
Discovering what you’re capable of
Appreciating the good, the bad — and the ugly
Believing in yourself
Listening to Yourself
Recognizing the sound of your own voice
Meeting life’s challenges
Making important decisions
Developing the Right Attitude
Expanding your mindset
Coming out of the box
Understanding that things may not be what you think they are
Rewiring your thought patterns
Taking Charge of Your Life
Believing in your dreams
Facing new changes
Chapter 12: Moving Beyond the Fear That’s Zapping Your Faith
Using Fear to Help You Grow
Understanding fear and where it comes from
Uncovering your core fears
Developing a friendship with your fears
Knowing your strength beyond what you see
Creating the Faith to Face Your Fears
Realizing the value of increasing your faith
Increasing your selfesteem by increasing your faith
Dealing with big challenges
Getting Your Mind, Mouth, and Motions in Alignment
Chapter 13: Creating and Reaching Your Goals
Measuring Success through Goal-Setting
Checking in with yourself and deciding what’s important to you
Naming your goals
Dealing with missed targets
Accomplishing Your Goals
Inspecting your internal driving forces
Setting long-term goals
Setting short-term goals
Watching out for people and resources to help you
Part V: Dissolving Internal Barriers to Success in Love and Work
Chapter 14: Examining Your Role in Creating Conflicts in Your
Relationships
Becoming Aware of Internal Barriers
Looking at the impact of internal barriers
Listening to your body
Using your awareness to move yourself forward
Tracking Your Behavior in Relationships
How to track your behavior
Reflecting on what you’ve learned from your tracking
Appreciating the results
Using the information wisely
Creating Positive Behaviors That Build Lasting Relationships
Building and saving long-time relationships
Backing out of bad relationships with good behavior
Chapter 15: Rewriting Your Love Story
Pinpointing Your Location
Making Friends with Yourself
Assessing What You Like About Yourself
Setting Your Own Standards for Your Happiness
Knowing the Difference between Being Authentic and Inappropriate
Embracing Different Aspects of Your Personality
Accepting Who You Are and Living in Great Anticipation of Who You Can Be
Opening Up To New Opportunities in Life
Understanding your life lessons
Writing yourself a love letter
Chapter 16: Getting Beyond Loving Love
Breaking Through the Fantasy of Love
Understanding what love is