Seagalogy: The Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal

509 Pages·2012·2.18 MB·English

by  Vern

PRAISE FOR SEAGALOGY
“This book is an instant cult classic” – bookgasm.com
“We can’t believe this actually exists, but the world is certainly a better
place for it” – New York Magazine “It’s as enlightening as it is thorough.”
– Time Magazine
“Uproariously funny... the film book I never knew I always wanted to
read.” – Nerve.com “Vern turns his curious love of the oeuvre of aging
action star Steven Seagal into a new branch of academia” –
Entertainment Weekly “Required reading. [Vern] analyzes Seagal’s body
of work – including energy drinks he endorsed – as if he were
deconstructing the Bible” – New York Post “One of the most compulsively
readable film books ever published and I’m not kidding about that even a
little bit” – Twitchfilm “Mind–blowingly comprehensive” – Philadelphia
Weekly
“Affectionate, in-depth and often side splitting” – joblo.com “Perhaps
never before has so much effort been expended on a subject of such
limited cultural importance. Nor has it been done to such sidesplitting,
wrist-breaking, glass-shattering effect” – The Columbus Dispatch
“Seagalogy isn’t a mere work of absurd niche market fanboyism: It’s a
definitive text.” – Baltimore Citypaper
As a frequent writer for Ain’t It Cool News, VERN has gained notoriety for
his unorthodox reviewing style and his expertise in “the films of Badass
Cinema.” His review of the slasher movie Chaos earned him a wrestling
challenge from its director; his explosive essay on the PG-13 rating of the
fourth Die Hard movie prompted Bruce Willis himself to walk barefoot
across the broken glass of movie nerd message boards to respond. (Both
events are detailed in Vern’s book Yippee Ki-Yay Moviegoer.) Guillermo
Del Toro, the director of Pan’s Labyrinth, called Vern “a National
Treasure.” He lives in Seattle.
SEAGALOGY
SEAGALOGY
A STUDY OF THE
ASS-KICKING
FILMS OF
STEVEN SEAGAL
VERN
UPDATED AND EXPANDED EDITION
TITAN BOOKS
NOTE: Some portions of this book were written under the influence
of Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink (Cherry Charge
flavor)
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION by David Gordon Green
INTRODUCTION 2: DARK TERRITORY
GOLDEN ERA
(1988-1991)
Chapter 1: Above the Law
Chapter 2: Hard to Kill
Chapter 3: Marked For Death
Chapter 4: Out For Justice
SILVER ERA
(1992-1997)
Chapter 5: Under Siege
Chapter 6: On Deadly Ground
Chapter 7: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory
Chapter 7.5: Executive Decision
Chapter 8: The Glimmer Man
Chapter 9: Fire Down Below
interlude: My Giant
[transitional period]
(1998-2002)
Chapter 10: The Patriot
Chapter 11: Exit Wounds
Chapter 12: Ticker
Chapter 13: Half Past Dead
DTV ERA
(2003-2008)
Chapter 14: The Foreigner
Chapter 15: Out For a Kill
Chapter 16: Belly of the Beast
interlude: Songs From the Crystal Cave
Chapter 16.5: Clementine
Chapter 17: Out of Reach
Chapter 18: Into the Sun
Chapter 19: Submerged
interlude: Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink
Chapter 20: Today You Die
Chapter 21: Black Dawn
Chapter 22: Mercenary For Justice
interlude: Mojo Priest
Chapter 23: Shadow Man
Chapter 24: Attack Force
Chapter 25: Flight of Fury
Chapter 26: Urban Justice
Chapter 27: Pistol Whipped
Chapter 28: Kill Switch
CHIEF SEAGAL ERA
(2009-present)
Chapter 29: Against the Dark
Chapter 30: Driven to Kill
Chapter 31: Steven Seagal: Lawman
Chapter 32: The Keeper
Chapter 33: A Dangerous Man
Chapter 34: Machete
Chapter 35: Born to Raise Hell
Chapter 36: Deadly Crossing
Chapter 37: Street Wars
Chapter 38: Dark Vengeance
CONCLUSION
APPENDIX I: Other Appearances and Productions
APPENDIX II: Hard To Film: The Ones That Never Made It
APPENDIX III: My Review of Steven Seagal and Thunderbox Live in
Seattle
AN INTRODUCTION TO A BOOK